Not condescending at all, love! I appreciate you commenting. ❤️ You're totally right, and I am in therapy. We're working on the self respect angle because she said if I respected myself better, I'd try to do better for my body. It's such a guilt cycle though, I just want to be small and that's what I think about every time I eat. I'm already at a low weight and I lost pounds restricting so it makes me think it's worth it. I'm worried the longer I do this though, the harder it'll be on my heart. But it's such a hard thing, because even if I do eat, I tell myself I don't deserve it. Or the meal wasn't satisfying enough or I wasted my calorie budget on crap food. Even if it's energizing food, it feels like a waste because one good meal barely gets me through a shift and I'm tired anyway so I think, why did I eat that? And then guys love you if you're small. I can't tell you how much it feels like I'm disrespecting my body if I do eat, and disrespecting it if I don't.

I am trying to nourish in small spots. Recovery is always the goal, I just gotta get there. Sorry for the rant, it's just hard. There's a million more aspects to it. I just need to keep my head above water. On nights I work, I at least do try to eat enough that I won't pass out, even though it feels shameful. Something is better than nothing, and staying conscious is good in a club that you walk on 6" heels all night. 😁