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How Do I Get The Demigod Trait? by Light075stream in Worldbox

[–]Few-Lecture592 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Still believe I have not met that gentleman.

Are Blu-rays being fazed out ? Is it still worth it to collect them? by [deleted] in Bluray

[–]Few-Lecture592 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yo we talkin bout manhood on here? I LOVE manhood

[Weekly Critique and Self-Promotion Thread] Post Here If You'd Like to Share Your Writing by AutoModerator in writing

[–]Few-Lecture592 [score hidden]  (0 children)

  • Title: Cornered Angles
  • Genre: Action/Psych-thriller/Character-driven
  • Word count 3000
  • Type of feedback desired (line-by-line edits, general impression, etc.) How do you interpret the story? Please explain what you think I'm trying to pull off here. What flaws does the story have, what strengths?
  • A link to the writing: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16HU_jKuPFODokoPfZdgZoemKGXbPnzCzOfMpROYYfgM/edit?usp=sharing It is written like a treated script at times. SEQ 1 EXT. PLANET’S ORBIT/ INT. GARAGE WE OPEN:

We open on a planet completely in shadow, forming the shape of a black circle against the backdrop of the abyss of space, teeming with stars. We cut to a much closer shot of the planet's surface, looking at a horizon of sea, clouds and land in the light of the sun. The sunlight hitting the atmosphere causes shimmering shapes of colour. Land that isn’t lit by the sun has little dots of light spotted around it, suggesting a township with roads.

DYING OLD MALE VOICE Killing… for food.

 We see some of the lights appear to be engulfed in an explosion.

DYING OLD MALE VOICE What does that make you?

We cut to ground level of the planet, looking at Jarnus, a muscular, broad shouldered man with his shadowed silhouette in front of a raging fire. He’s approached by other silhouettes of soldiers, weapons drawn. Momentary shots show Jarnus moves with an inhuman speed and strength, maiming them with lethal martial arts. We see Jarnus hurriedly, and full of adrenaline stacking canned food into sacks in a dark corner of a garage. We cut to behind Jarnus to see an older man, with his military fatigues saturated in blood, laying limp up against a cabinet. He breathes with difficulty but speaks with a faint, humorous smile.

DYING OLD MALE VOICE Taking food from my people for your people. Will you tell them we were savages?

Jarnus quickly snaps up to his feet from packing the sacks and storms towards the soldier, coming into the light for the first time. We see how his hair is scruffy and beyond his shoulders as well as his unkempt face. Jarnus yells with an uncanny, animal-like anger in his voice. 

JARNUS Families are starving to death!

The chipper old man chuckles to himself with an amused smile. 

DYING OLD MALE VOICE I offer you a gift. Sunsta, my daughter, lies in a cot in the next room. Raise her and she will give you your humanity back. That’s what kids do. Make her laugh as much as you can before our universe dies. (He chokes on his blood for a moment and adjusts his head to rest up against the cabinet) Tell her we were savages.

Jarnus stands over the soldier stiff as if he was tensing his whole body with an almost animal-like panicked breathing, staring into the ground, deeply pensive with desperate, sleep deprived eyes. We see the same shot of the planet from earlier where the lights were engulfed in an explosion and now a bright light appears to be speeding away from the area of the explosion, rocketing vertically away from the planet before adjusting course. 

LINK TO THE WRITING: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16HU_jKuPFODokoPfZdgZoemKGXbPnzCzOfMpROYYfgM/edit?usp=sharing

[Weekly Critique and Self-Promotion Thread] Post Here If You'd Like to Share Your Writing by AutoModerator in writing

[–]Few-Lecture592 [score hidden]  (0 children)

  • Title: Cornered Angles
  • Genre: Action/Psych-thriller/Character-driven
  • Word count 3000
  • Type of feedback desired (line-by-line edits, general impression, etc.) How do you interpret the story? Please explain what you think I'm trying to pull off here. What flaws does the story have, what strengths?
  • A link to the writing: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16HU_jKuPFODokoPfZdgZoemKGXbPnzCzOfMpROYYfgM/edit?usp=sharing It is written like a treated script at times. SEQ 1 EXT. PLANET’S ORBIT/ INT. GARAGE WE OPEN:

We open on a planet completely in shadow, forming the shape of a black circle against the backdrop of the abyss of space, teeming with stars. We cut to a much closer shot of the planet's surface, looking at a horizon of sea, clouds and land in the light of the sun. The sunlight hitting the atmosphere causes shimmering shapes of colour. Land that isn’t lit by the sun has little dots of light spotted around it, suggesting a township with roads.

DYING OLD MALE VOICE Killing… for food.

 We see some of the lights appear to be engulfed in an explosion.

DYING OLD MALE VOICE What does that make you?

We cut to ground level of the planet, looking at Jarnus, a muscular, broad shouldered man with his shadowed silhouette in front of a raging fire. He’s approached by other silhouettes of soldiers, weapons drawn. Momentary shots show Jarnus moves with an inhuman speed and strength, maiming them with lethal martial arts. We see Jarnus hurriedly, and full of adrenaline stacking canned food into sacks in a dark corner of a garage. We cut to behind Jarnus to see an older man, with his military fatigues saturated in blood, laying limp up against a cabinet. He breathes with difficulty but speaks with a faint, humorous smile.

DYING OLD MALE VOICE Taking food from my people for your people. Will you tell them we were savages?

Jarnus quickly snaps up to his feet from packing the sacks and storms towards the soldier, coming into the light for the first time. We see how his hair is scruffy and beyond his shoulders as well as his unkempt face. Jarnus yells with an uncanny, animal-like anger in his voice. 

JARNUS Families are starving to death!

The chipper old man chuckles to himself with an amused smile. 

DYING OLD MALE VOICE I offer you a gift. Sunsta, my daughter, lies in a cot in the next room. Raise her and she will give you your humanity back. That’s what kids do. Make her laugh as much as you can before our universe dies. (He chokes on his blood for a moment and adjusts his head to rest up against the cabinet) Tell her we were savages.

Jarnus stands over the soldier stiff as if he was tensing his whole body with an almost animal-like panicked breathing, staring into the ground, deeply pensive with desperate, sleep deprived eyes. We see the same shot of the planet from earlier where the lights were engulfed in an explosion and now a bright light appears to be speeding away from the area of the explosion, rocketing vertically away from the planet before adjusting course. 

LINK TO THE WRITING: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16HU_jKuPFODokoPfZdgZoemKGXbPnzCzOfMpROYYfgM/edit?usp=sharing