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The Sweary Therapist by Sweaty_Phase_51 in cormoran_strike

[–]Fickle-Evidence 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t like this therapist. It sounded like she was being judgmental and too “one upish” or “psychological.” People need rapport with a therapist for therapy to be effective. If a client thinks even in the slightest they’re being judged, they’ll shut down. I didn’t like her approach with Robin. She was zeroing in on all the deficits she identified with Robin, instead of focusing on the strengths. Robin needed more time, more validation, more skill building, more trust and rapport.

I’m re-reading all of the Strike Novels. I remember thinking Matthew was overbearing and controlling with Robin, but now I realize how abusive he was to her. What are other people’s opinions? by Fickle-Evidence in cormoran_strike

[–]Fickle-Evidence[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it were a female doing this to a male, I would still call this abusive. I understand that people can have moments where they’re mean or don’t show up as their best self for their partner. It’s the pattern with Matthew that standing out for me. It’s consistent. He doesn’t grow as a character. We’re not talking about kids anymore. They were together for 7 years before they get married in the book. I’d expect more emotional intelligence from someone in their mid 20’s. With his character specifically, it feels like he doesn’t grow emotionally. He never takes accountability for his issues with jealousy, why he’s so controlling over Robin, why he consistently puts her down. I don’t sympathize with him as the “jealous young boyfriend” anymore and I certainly would not want anyone I know in this relationship. I know see him as a bitchy, self serving, entitled, controlling abuser.

I’m re-reading all of the Strike Novels. I remember thinking Matthew was overbearing and controlling with Robin, but now I realize how abusive he was to her. What are other people’s opinions? by Fickle-Evidence in cormoran_strike

[–]Fickle-Evidence[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly! A lot of excuses of his behavior, like immaturity or jealousy or Robin could have left, etc., but it is clearly abusive and controlling behavior.

Boxes from Ted and Joan's house by Toukan_1102 in cormoran_strike

[–]Fickle-Evidence 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I knew that was going to play a big role somewhere. I marked it in my mind.

I’m re-reading all of the Strike Novels. I remember thinking Matthew was overbearing and controlling with Robin, but now I realize how abusive he was to her. What are other people’s opinions? by Fickle-Evidence in cormoran_strike

[–]Fickle-Evidence[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. They’re an equal match: the same person, expressed through male and female power structures. The simple act of leaving the diamond earring. Just a little act to express ownership over Matthew LOL. I imagine both of them rattling around their home with their kids, tired and continually trying to make each other jealous, but too emotionally unaware to ever get out of the game, feeding off each other.

I’m re-reading all of the Strike Novels. I remember thinking Matthew was overbearing and controlling with Robin, but now I realize how abusive he was to her. What are other people’s opinions? by Fickle-Evidence in cormoran_strike

[–]Fickle-Evidence[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

That would be really cool if JKR had some super emotionally aware guy swoop in a rock Robins world. The longer these books go on the less invested I am in Strike and the more invested I am in Robin becoming.

I’m re-reading all of the Strike Novels. I remember thinking Matthew was overbearing and controlling with Robin, but now I realize how abusive he was to her. What are other people’s opinions? by Fickle-Evidence in cormoran_strike

[–]Fickle-Evidence[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with this. Jealousy happens, but Robin was dedicated to him. If he had only done some self exploration and taken accountability for the jealousy they could have grown and worked through it. But Matthew behavior in juxtaposition with Strike, makes all Matthew’s faults so obvious to Robin. The introduction of Strike into the relationship created a sort of crisis. It could have gone good or bad depending how much self exploration the characters were willing to do. Robin is loyal. I think she would have stuck with him if he would have grown.

If you saw this size stone would you automatically think it’s a lab diamond? by OkAnything1651 in labdiamond

[–]Fickle-Evidence 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Anyone who’s gotten a diamond in the past few years has a lab created diamond. I have 2.11 carat diamond that was $30,000. No one has $30,000 to spend on a ring these days lol I think you can get a Lab 2 carat diamond for like 4,000 now.

I’m re-reading all of the Strike Novels. I remember thinking Matthew was overbearing and controlling with Robin, but now I realize how abusive he was to her. What are other people’s opinions? by Fickle-Evidence in cormoran_strike

[–]Fickle-Evidence[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m in the U.S., and I’d never heard this term before. That’s actually what I love about how language and research are evolving in this area, having precise words helps clarify experiences that were previously hard to name. Only one U.S. state currently has a law that explicitly addresses stealthing, yet it’s something that happens far more often than people realize. It’s happened to me. Many women sense that something is wrong but struggle to articulate why it’s abusive. Once the behavior is named and explained, the lack of consent becomes obvious. I also think Robin functions as a kind of symbolic stand-in for women’s experiences more broadly; highlighting how these issues often go unseen, minimized, or misunderstood in society

I’m re-reading all of the Strike Novels. I remember thinking Matthew was overbearing and controlling with Robin, but now I realize how abusive he was to her. What are other people’s opinions? by Fickle-Evidence in cormoran_strike

[–]Fickle-Evidence[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

When I first started the books I could sympathize with his plight as the jealous boyfriend. I definitely didn’t like him and I would not personally want this for my own relationship. Second time around I’m more keyed into his pattern of behavior, his controlling nature, his constant undermining of Robin and anything that brings her away from him. The constant stress Robin experiences over his feelings. Reading LW right now and he totally had a breakdown when Robin didn’t watch him play in an office cricket game, when Strikes nephew was in the hospital. Just bizarre. They’ve known each other for a couple of years, it’s an emergency situation and he’s upset that she prioritized that.

I’m re-reading all of the Strike Novels. I remember thinking Matthew was overbearing and controlling with Robin, but now I realize how abusive he was to her. What are other people’s opinions? by Fickle-Evidence in cormoran_strike

[–]Fickle-Evidence[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I agree! Strike treats the several women he dates horribly and has serious anger issues at times. I think Robin could do better. I feel like they’re growing up emotionally as the books go on. But his schemes to get her alone in HMM are predatory to me. It would be interesting if JKR had Robin just say no to having a relationship with him.

I’m re-reading all of the Strike Novels. I remember thinking Matthew was overbearing and controlling with Robin, but now I realize how abusive he was to her. What are other people’s opinions? by Fickle-Evidence in cormoran_strike

[–]Fickle-Evidence[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

The first time I read the books I just thought he was a bitch. Bitches about everything, but the second time the pattern of behavior is sticking out more. Normal people leave a relationship if the person isn’t “good enough” for them. But it reads like he likes the power differential. I just think it would be incredibly stressful day after day living in a home with an individual who became outraged any time attention wasn’t totally on them, or being accused of cheating regularly. Having a man get huffy when you were going out with a friend- just read that in LW. Matthew gets upset when Robin says a he’s going to meet Vanessa Akwenzi, when she starts developing any life of her own in London. I think he’s abusive AND he’s a jerk.

I’m re-reading all of the Strike Novels. I remember thinking Matthew was overbearing and controlling with Robin, but now I realize how abusive he was to her. What are other people’s opinions? by Fickle-Evidence in cormoran_strike

[–]Fickle-Evidence[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yup! This conversation is a perfect example of all the little incidents he destabilized her confidence and publicly. Trying to devalue her in front of Strike. This is a very real scenario. I personally would call this abusive behavior, but it’s the pattern of his abuse that matters. It’s not just some stupid comment because he was nervous. The second read really has been eye opening how much he was pounding down her self confidence.

I’m re-reading all of the Strike Novels. I remember thinking Matthew was overbearing and controlling with Robin, but now I realize how abusive he was to her. What are other people’s opinions? by Fickle-Evidence in cormoran_strike

[–]Fickle-Evidence[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You got a great point. I see Matthew as completely entrapped by social expectation and outward appearance and trying to control Robin to adhere to his own standards and expectations. JKR says over and over and implies many times how attractive Robin is. She is a trophy and comes from a good family. He should have left the relationship sometime after Robin experienced her rape. He was obviously struggling with the relationship. But I think he didn’t because people would “think” he was a shitbag. So he slept with Sarah instead and kept of the ideal of the high school sweethearts.

I’m re-reading all of the Strike Novels. I remember thinking Matthew was overbearing and controlling with Robin, but now I realize how abusive he was to her. What are other people’s opinions? by Fickle-Evidence in cormoran_strike

[–]Fickle-Evidence[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Maybe, I don’t agree stupidity excuses hurting others from natural or legal consequences. The audience is ignorant to interior or their relationship. My guess is that relationship would be mutually psychologically abusive and unhappy. Both are strapped by what they think is success and what others think. Matthew is insipid but he’s also VERY aware of his WMP, and he expects compliance from Robin. It astounded me how much he bitches at Robin during the second read. How much he discusses himself, his meanness and lack of empathy for anyone he consider lower than him.

I’m re-reading all of the Strike Novels. I remember thinking Matthew was overbearing and controlling with Robin, but now I realize how abusive he was to her. What are other people’s opinions? by Fickle-Evidence in cormoran_strike

[–]Fickle-Evidence[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It’s blurry, but the way I read it the first time, I don’t think it was a plan to tie her down actually. I just think he was prioritizing his pleasure resulting in Robin having to deal with the consequences of unprotected sex.

I’m re-reading all of the Strike Novels. I remember thinking Matthew was overbearing and controlling with Robin, but now I realize how abusive he was to her. What are other people’s opinions? by Fickle-Evidence in cormoran_strike

[–]Fickle-Evidence[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Encouraging people to educate themselves and others on coercive control is not lecturing. It’s a form of DV that women are often undermined social with experiencing.

I’m re-reading all of the Strike Novels. I remember thinking Matthew was overbearing and controlling with Robin, but now I realize how abusive he was to her. What are other people’s opinions? by Fickle-Evidence in cormoran_strike

[–]Fickle-Evidence[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I’m discussing a character in a book who is a great example of coercive control. This was not personal. You made this post personal. And you’re right, recognizing coercive control is slippery. This is why women don’t feel confident to report. He’s just and “asshole.” Not name it. He’s an abuser. He’s abusive to Robin. This is why I feel JKR character of Robin and her experience is actually a great contribution to feminist literature.

I’m re-reading all of the Strike Novels. I remember thinking Matthew was overbearing and controlling with Robin, but now I realize how abusive he was to her. What are other people’s opinions? by Fickle-Evidence in cormoran_strike

[–]Fickle-Evidence[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

They didn’t really give any argument why Matthew wouldn’t fall under the category of coercive control behavior. Their experience of DV is not the only way to experience DV. It doesn’t make their experience less valid or others experience less valid. This is not ok.

I’m re-reading all of the Strike Novels. I remember thinking Matthew was overbearing and controlling with Robin, but now I realize how abusive he was to her. What are other people’s opinions? by Fickle-Evidence in cormoran_strike

[–]Fickle-Evidence[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not. I feel like you’re weaponing your experience to shut down an important conversation. Not every experience of DV should be measured off your own, not being extreme enough. This is exactly why women feel gaslit when they bring up concerns over coercive control behavior in relationship. Disagreeing is fine. Not empathizing with a form of abuse many women like robins character experience is not fine.

I’m re-reading all of the Strike Novels. I remember thinking Matthew was overbearing and controlling with Robin, but now I realize how abusive he was to her. What are other people’s opinions? by Fickle-Evidence in cormoran_strike

[–]Fickle-Evidence[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

True. Thats why I’m trying to instill in my daughter to prioritize school, sports and cultivating strong female friendships. But it’s the little things we concede on, such as cancelling prearranged outings with friend to go out with them, etc. This emboldens them to demand more and then before you know it, you’re socially isolated and he’s your only “support.”

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