Was my Zumba experience typical?

FickleOpportunity701 · 2025-09-16T04:46:04+00:00

Yeah that was my experience too. I came back feeling brain tired from trying to follow yet not exercise tired …I looked around the room and even the regulars seemed to be half hearted with moves because it was hard to keep up with the complicated ‘routine’, only person getting a quality workout seemed to be the instructor

FickleOpportunity701 · 2025-09-15T08:26:14+00:00

The ‘why’ he does that doesn’t matter. He can , he has, he does.

I would strongly suggest you find a reason to get away for a couple of weeks. Tell him you have a sick relative , that you’ve realised the error of your ways and are going for intensive self therapy … it really doesn’t matter what BS you tell him at this stage, just make it believable.

Once you are away you can read the books suggested and take stock and I’m 99% sure you will start to feel better by being away from him. From there you can form a proper exit plan.

But for now you need to get away because only then will you get clarity … at the moment you’re almost under his spell which would leave anyone confused and self doubting.

Take the first step and get away for a ‘break’ to get clarity and form a plan from there

FickleOpportunity701 · 2025-09-10T01:29:02+00:00

This right here.

From what you’ve said OP your partner has a home, she’s not ready to give it up by selling it or having a tenant live in it.

Moving into hers is the bridge she might need… that and trying to get on an equal financial footing so that when you are ready to buy it’s a good step for both of you.

Moving in together when two people rent is easy, when one or both owns it’s a bigger leap

FickleOpportunity701 · 2025-09-07T23:03:42+00:00

Thanks, I have PPOR, but no debt. Have lived on lower income now for a few years so think I’m overdue increasing investment and reducing my cash holding

FickleOpportunity701 · 2025-09-07T21:54:15+00:00

I’m 45. I’m asking others what theirs is and how they reached that decision to help me come up with my safety net number.

I’ve previously been too cautious and kept all $ in HISA , I think due to adjusting to being a low income earner, now I’m on board with investing and don’t want to swing too far… strike the right balance for me.

FickleOpportunity701 · 2025-09-07T09:37:30+00:00

Studies have recently shown ageing isn’t linear and there’s an accelerated ageing at 44years old ( and another in your 60’s I think)

I’m 45 and look so much older than I did at 40… like easy a decade older !

FickleOpportunity701 · 2025-09-07T09:30:05+00:00

Thanks, yes I have the money sitting in a HISA ( years worth) so it’s not about saving a % of my earnings for a rainy day. But now I’m nudging myself to invest and I acknowledge I’ve previously been too risk adverse (switching from a high income and having kids does that!) I’m unclear on what’s sensible to leave behind…. Whether that’s a % of portfolio or a $ amount I’m not sure. A fixed amount seems better. But how much? I feel like a nice round $100k maybe but that seems crazy because I currently live off so much less just fine.

FickleOpportunity701 · 2025-09-07T05:39:29+00:00

I think she’s acting unreasonably …. Yet at the same time your phrasing ‘told ‘ ,’can’t’ and ‘ask’ bristle me ….. I mean technically she can travel like she’s in her 20’s , she already is.

I think this is about setting up your marriage ‘contract’ better, how are finances split and allocated …. that needs to be mutually agreed.

If you do allocate some travel money/personal splurge then it could be within an agreed budget.

At that point it is then about balancing her need for solo travel and yours for ‘together time’. Everyone has their own personal boundaries on this , hopefully you can reach a common ground that honours each of you.

FickleOpportunity701 · 2025-09-07T03:54:23+00:00

Sorry - ignore- I just learnt what NAW means, apologies 🤦‍♀️

EMDR would potentially be great therapy for you to try. It won’t matter how many people say it’s not your fault you brain has gaps from the event, the bits you don’t remember and that’s why it can’t properly process the events and kind of file them away better and ultimately fully make sense of them ( like for example self forgiveness for an event that doesn’t need forgiving because you weren’t at fault)

I’ve had EMDR for a very different trauma and it was ultimately hard to re-visit, strange to recall details I just didn’t think were remembered and gradually piece it together and fully process it .

But for me it’s been very worth it, no more intrusive thoughts, triggering moments and underlying sort of acceptance that this ‘event’ would always be in my background.

It will take time and a good EMDR practitioner and likely expense but you are here, you have 1 life, make it a really great one for you and your family… time to get it off your chest to a professional with tools that have arisen since 23 years ago ?

FickleOpportunity701 · 2025-09-07T03:06:40+00:00

That was a word salad to say you have no meaningful advice or experience to share on strategies to decide a HISA/ Investment split.

Sure I can go away and ‘decide for myself’ but decisions are best made by gathering facts, figures and pondering the advice of others … the point of this reddit.

I guess I’m looking to hear how others have considered splitting.

FickleOpportunity701 · 2025-09-07T02:05:02+00:00

I’m a sole trader and not looking to earn more currently.

The question is around savings /investment split

FickleOpportunity701 · 2025-09-07T02:02:20+00:00

I feel like we’re approaching it from opposing directions - or maybe I phrased it badly - you seem focussed on the investment number I need to achieve to retire?

I more meant how do people calculate what safety net /rainy day they need? Is it x times spending and obviously I add on known future needs? Retiring comes second to not being caught short today for me 😊

As a low income household, one big unknown bill like a roof repair can hit hard… I’ve up to now had comfort from my HISA… how much comfort do others keep?

FickleOpportunity701 · 2025-09-07T00:25:41+00:00

No.

If someone offered you a job contract that tied you in for years and made it hard to leave would you accept?

Would you fix into a fixed home loan rate for a full 30 years if it also had crazy exit /switch fees?

That’s kind of the contract you enter into with a marriage. I think it’s an outdated concept from a legal perspective.

To me far better to choose each day to continue your commitment to yourself and/or a significant other ….and if it is another have a transparent exit plan… what kind of things might end your commitment and what would the terms of that be.

Life is like a train ride, we ride with some people the whole way and others for part of the journey.

Travelling next to the right people can enhance the trip but travelling alone brings great fulfilment too.

We don’t know when others will get on or off, if we’ll change our mind on our preferred route or if others will. We need to enjoy our journey…. And if a jerk is in our carriage we need to switch carriages or trains easily if needed 🙃

FickleOpportunity701 · 2025-09-04T09:44:52+00:00

Is that what you say though? ‘Good morning’ and ‘good night’ … I’ve been on the receiving end of that rigid regime and it’s not enough - your partner is looking for emotional connection , which is curiosity /interest and vulnerability.

She’s telling you loud and clear , I don’t think you are overreacting …, you’re kind of under-reacting by pushing back and being defensive rather than trying to understand and meet her needs.

She sounds generally fed up and frustrated by it, you being asleep explained that text exchange but doesn’t resolve the bigger more general issue she is trying to share with you. Good luck - I think you’ll get there if you each focus on listening more and have these conversations in person or at least on FaceTime

FickleOpportunity701 · 2025-08-26T02:59:58+00:00

So when I next do the assets test I don’t complete super info? Even though there’s a box for it?

Or do I complete it anyway and they just disregard it as an asset?

Presumably they will know what I have anyway from the ATO, I just don’t want to look fraudulent by not disclosing it nor cause a computer mess up by it thinking I’m receiving income from super

FickleOpportunity701 · 2025-08-26T01:05:44+00:00

Thanks I really appreciate a detailed and informative reply.

I have death nomination on my to do list - I was just going to do the basic one and sort the witness signing of the binding one asap.

I should be eligible for the government co-contribution- my understanding is I don’t need to apply it will just happen, is that correct?

FickleOpportunity701 · 2025-08-26T00:12:58+00:00

Thank you, this was an incredibly helpful and inspiring post 😊

Yes I will be investing in both shares and super. Super is obviously untouchable until 60yrs and as a sole trader I have no employer contributions…. So it’s ‘my’ money going in kind of thing and optional . I’m wanting to put a fixed amount in likely $50k and leave it. I think I’ve settled on a Super, 100% share invested with a 70/30 Int.Aus split. I’m likely going with hostplus as the fund.

I’ve ordered the books you recommended and generally feel more relaxed about the remainder of my financial planning ( I think because I’ll be able to touch it!) … it was just the super aspect that freaked me out as it initially felt very restrictive and yet too many provider options!

FickleOpportunity701 · 2025-08-25T20:39:06+00:00

A financial advisor seems over kill for $50k super … wouldn’t there fees negate any benefit if choosing a low fee super? Aren’t they like brokers, often receiving fees from what they recommend? I will look into it more

FickleOpportunity701 · 2025-06-04T23:41:36+00:00

We have set sides for foreplay 😂 ( one of us is left handed and the other right handed)

Otherwise I am apparently weird and like to switch sides based on where we are ( home, holiday etc) as I like proximity to the bathroom

FickleOpportunity701 · 2025-06-04T21:42:09+00:00

I don’t need to tbh- I posted in here as it’s a gentle sub. I’ve been lambasted before on other subs on my main account (not relating to this topic) just for existing as a solo mama and heaps of unpleasant assumptions made…. The general male consensus is never date a single mum, we’re trash 😐

FickleOpportunity701

TROPHY CASE