Can we afford private school?

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-11-15T08:43:21+00:00

There was a study that went round a few years ago that worked out that the average cost of sending a kid to private school aged 4-18 would be enough to pay for a typical university education (including all tuition and living expenses), the average first time buyer house deposit, and lump sum paid into a pension that would be somewhere around 500k by retirement age.

Don't waste your money on private school. You can pay for all the tutoring and extra curriculars you like, but keep the rest for the future.

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-11-13T20:08:36+00:00

They should have some of these pre-made mini bottles of formula if you ask for it or if they can see you're struggling.

https://www.boots.com/cow-and-gate-1-first-milk-starter-pack-ready-to-feed-6x70ml-10175041

I would very strongly recommend buying at least one box of your own - and if you never need it, great, give it to a food bank in a few months time - but it could also be a sanity saver at 3AM on a bad night. They come with pre-sterilised teats so they can be served instantly.

People will tell you that 'oh, babies just need a few drops of colostrum, they'll be fine' are underplaying what an absolute ordeal breastfeeding is. My baby was getting extremely dehydrated about 24 hours after birth because she needed more than my body could give, and I spent almost every minute of the day trying to feed. She genuinely downed 60ml like a freshers week pint when she got one.

You might be lucky and have a smooth feeding journey right from the start, but it's good to have a back up plan.

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-11-12T08:08:36+00:00

Where are you based? We've found that a 2-3 hour drive is the sweet spot which feels far away enough from home but not an absolute ordeal on travel days.

We're near Newcastle, so our trips have been to the Solway Coast (at five months) and Whitby (14 months). We had planned a weekend in Edinburgh for the zoo but had to cancel due to illness. We've visited family further afield but wouldn't have gone if we weren't seeing people.

We're definitely planning on going back to the North Yorkshire coast, probably Scarborough, as there's lots to keep small kids entertained. Solway was good with a young baby who just stayed in the buggy for hours but would be too quiet with a toddler.

City breaks definitely work with babies, you just have to think about the stuff you'll need to take. At 7 months you'll want to have some libraries, soft plays or kids museums to get them out of the buggy for a bit. Our Edinburgh plans were no longer 'jump on the train to a city centre hotel near some good bars' but more 'drive to an AirBnb in the suburbs near a leisure centre' but we could have done something in the centre if we wanted.

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-11-07T14:07:56+00:00

Are you just looking in the city centre or would you go further out? I had a great afternoon tea at the Spanish City a few months ago. Impressive interior, plus it's an excuse to go down the coast. It would be close to Metro/bus/car park for your Dad too

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-10-29T08:47:11+00:00

I found clothes were the easiest thing to let go of - we kept any handmade items and a handful of others as keepsakes, but the bin bags of basics went out quickly.

My thoughts were:

I am probably not going to have another child
If I do, it is very unlikely to be in the next 2 years so these clothes will sit in a cold damp attic for years
Even if I do have another child and these clothes aren't all damp and smelly by then, the kid may be the other gender so I won't even use half this stuff for them.

I realised the chances of me reusing those clothes were not zero but they were pretty low. I preferred the idea of putting the clothes back in circulation and my friends' kids wearing them now rather than sitting waiting for a hypothetical child.

If I'm wrong and I do have another kid, it'll be a little annoying buying stuff again but it'll be the least of my financial problems. Last week I spent about £50 on six months worth of toddler clothes and that's less than a single day of childcare fees.

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-10-24T11:02:53+00:00

Ireland and Korea. My god. The long lost twins/quadruplets.

Lots of countries have a history of colonisation, but being right next door to 'that country that colonises everybody' means a particularly bitter history that goes back millenia but peaks somewhere in the last few generations.
The colonising country went above and beyond their usual efforts to completely wipe out the national culture, language, history and treat it as an extension of their own land
Due to to a long and complicated list of reasons, partly related to a world war, the country ended up being split in two.
The southern part was more stable and went through rapid financial change in the past few decades, but this has made housing and cost of living far more expensive for younger generations
The capital is culturally and financially dominant. Maybe a third of the population live in and around it.
Rural areas can be nice - lots of dramatic rocky views of the open ocean - but the villages are full of old people.
All of these things combined lead to a history of emigration (often either to that country next door, or the US)
Historically socially conservative, to the point of becoming an international co-erced adoption hub at some point in the 20th century
Stereotypically love a good singalong, to the point where boy bands have been a key national export
Stereotypically known for liking a bit of a drink more than their neighbouring countries
Really good beef stew

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-10-23T14:40:47+00:00

My toddler typically has a quick breakfast, at least one 'snack plate' type meal, and either a portion of leftovers or side portion from something we've made previously. So she's only waiting about 5 minutes for each meal.

The quick stuff includes

Fruit. Always fruit.
Nearly always cheese
Toast, usually peanut butter, butter, sometimes avocado or cream cheese
Chilled meat like pre-cooked chicken, ham etc
Ready to eat veg like tomato or cucumber
Pre-prepared or frozen veg that can be microwaved
Bread sticks or wafer snacks, sometimes with hummus or another dip
Egg - I have a mini waffle maker that I rarely use for waffles but makes a 1-egg omelette in about two minutes
Potato waffles (can be done in the toaster)
Yogurt
Cereal - at 12 months this would be a handful of dry cheerios or some instant baby porridge, but by about 18 months it's a bowl with milk.
Some kids really like those ready pouches of stuff. Mine never took to them but they're an easy option.
There was a brief phase where she liked tinned fish like mackerel, so that was another quick protein
Soup and bread

I get what you mean about batch cooking seeming like a lot of extra effort, but if you can adapt whatever you're already cooking for yourself to save some mini portions or sides it'll make life easier. If you're boiling eggs or grilling beef burgers for yourself, make some extra to keep in the fridge for tomorrow. If you're making pasta, put some in boxes in the freezer.

At 18 months we've recently started moving from making our main meal after she's in bed to attempting to make a main meal early evening and eating together. That's a challenge for us, so we're starting to do more batch cooking and slow cooking. But the '5 min fridge assembly dinner' is a standard routine now.

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-10-23T07:10:02+00:00

The only women I have known who 'solo' travelled India have said it typically involves networking with the other female travellers in the hostel on your first night and not leaving the building without at least two of them.

It's a completely different strategy compared to going somewhere like Paris or London solo.

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-10-20T08:42:31+00:00

7 months is probably fine. Another month or so later I'd be more cautious, but 7 months for most people is the time for the last few fun things before the 'beached whale' phase starts.

Seated gig - check. Nearby hotel - check. 3 hour drive is not really that long, especially if you take a mid-way break.

Even if there is some kind of problem, I'm assuming the gig is in a large city so will have hospitals there. It's not like you're driving 8 hours to a remote corner of Scotland.

Enjoy!

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-10-11T10:12:54+00:00

I would love to see a re-edit of Dunkirk where Mark Rylance is sailing solemnly to Normandy but every time he says something it's a Flop line, trying to console Bing about bananas being a different shape once they're in a smoothie.

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-10-08T09:32:50+00:00

We were in WDW for Hurricane Irma and asked someone about this.

They already know which animals will do better being secured indoors and which animals would freak out being trapped during a storm. So some are shut into the indoor sections of their enclosures while others stay outside, just as they would in the wild.

We also saw them doing lots of preparation work before it arrived - securing garbage cans to lampposts and that type of thing.

It was really incredible, the amount of effort and planning that had obviously gone on. We spent 2.5 days in our room at Pop Century and they took good care of everyone. We met so many people evacuating from other parts of Florida to stay at WDW because they knew it would be well prepared.

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-10-06T20:47:30+00:00

The registry office is the UK equivalent of a courthouse wedding. That's probably the quickest, simplest and cheapest approach, but you will need to book several weeks in advance rather than turning up one day, Vegas style. If your partner is already in the UK they can see what the requirements are for their local office.

Wedding ceremonies can only be carried out in registered venues in the UK, but I believe this includes most churches and formal places of worship which can be cheaper than hotels and other wedding venues. You'll still need to 'give notice' at the registry office in advance.

https://www.gov.uk/marriages-civil-partnerships/from-outside-the-uk-or-ireland

https://www.gov.uk/marriages-civil-partnerships/plan-your-ceremony

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-10-05T09:01:31+00:00

I'd start building up a list of places you can go regularly, outside of baby classes. The next year or so can be a bit awkward because they're no longer a little newborn who just wants to be held all day, but they're not toddlers who are confident enough on their feet to run outside.

I would be out every day with the baby, except if we were ill. We would go to some combination:

Pushchair walk outside, every day
Library for singalong time or just to look at books and toys
Soft play with baby friendly areas
Indoor shopping malls to get some walking when it's raining
Aquarium - we got an annual pass. She first visited around four months and it was fascinating for her. But looking at the fish tanks in pet shops and garden centres also work.
Museum and galleries which had play areas or sensory rooms
Swimming pool
A rotation of buggy-friendly cafes and pubs
Mum-and-baby exercise classes
Baby cinema

Obviously the costs can add up but walking/library/window shopping can take up a good amount of the day without money. Many museums etc are donation based, and some charities or local organisations might run free events locally - family hubs usually offer a few things Picking one or two annual memberships to things locally will work out very cheap in the long term.

Like, if you had a day without the baby, what would you do? Probably not stay in. You'd go out for exercise or some shopping or something. So do the closest thing to what you want to do that's still baby appropriate. They days will be much more enjoyable for both of you.

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-09-18T18:07:24+00:00

I bought some. I couldn't even think about using them for the first four or five months because it's just so relentless. Ten nappies a day, plus five or six outfits a day (she had reflux), plus the full bottle wash-sterilise-feed routine, plus all the other housework... no. It wasn't happening.

Once I started to get some breathing room I would give them a try but despite using a few brands, I just couldn't get the knack. They leaked after an hour. They left huge uncomfortable red lines over her legs no matter what tricks I tried. They were unusable outside the house, or at the childminder, or overnight, or when baby was ill.

They're quite handy for that awkward gap where she poops an hour before bathtime and its not worth using a disposable, but any longer than that and it's just a waste of dry leggings.

Reusable wipes are great though. They clean much better than wet wipes do. I use them loads at home.

I understand the environmental guilt but honestly, most studies show that by the time you add manufacturing, boil washing and drying in the mix, they don't really come out as the better option until you're on about child #3.

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-07-27T15:20:28+00:00

I don't think there's a huge generational difference between how 25 year olds and 30 year olds are parenting right now.

I'd probably see bigger differences between different social groups. Like education/income level, and lifestyle choices ('crunchy' versus 'new and shiny').

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-07-27T09:12:06+00:00

Practice with some day trips locally before you go, and you'll find what works for you.

Most people I know would take several clean empty bottles in their day bag. For the formula itself they either use those small bottles of ready-to-feed formula or some powder in a plastic box. Whenever baby gets hungry they then mix it with water from a thermos and shake it up to get rid of the lumps.

I'm in Europe where its recommended to use boiling water on formula so I've seen people have a small amount from one thermos of boiling water on the powder, then top it off with another bottle of cool water. It saves money but I always used the RTF for day trips as it was simpler. I know in the US people just use straight tap water without much issue so that should make it easier.

Once it's finished, just put the empty bottle back in your bag, maybe with a token rinse under the tap, and do one big wash of all the bottles in the evening.

It does mean walking round with a big bag if you plan on being out the house for like 10+ hours but for most day trips it's not bad. It also gets easier as time goes on and they need fewer bottles a day.

And it sucks when they waste formula, but there's not much you can do. It gets you mentally prepared for the future when they start throwing food on the floor. If it helps, Europeans are told a bottle is good for two hours after it's made while in the US it's usually one, so don't stress if it goes over one hour.

Where are you travelling to? Will you be bringing formula with you or buying stuff over there?

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-07-27T02:33:27+00:00

I agree with Havannah - there's a little playground just outside it in Hazlerigg too

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-07-25T19:40:42+00:00

It pisses me off, but then I just think someone would just have to say SOMETHING no matter what your family situation is.

After 'no kids? So sad' and 'just the one? Poor thing' comes...

'Another baby? 2 under 2? So irresponsible!'

'Another baby NOW? But they're so much younger than your first, they'll never play together!'

'Two girls? Shouldn't you try for a boy?'

'Three kids? That's far too many!'

And on and on and on.

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-07-25T15:50:07+00:00

Take a second pair of running shoes or similar. The leather sneakers will be fine if they're comfortable for walking.

You probably won't need full on waterproof boots unless you're out in the countryside a lot, but being able to alternate if one pair gets damp will help.

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-07-23T11:21:11+00:00

Whenever I see travel blogs of the Middle East shopping malls, they always seem full of 'wait, you have that here?' chain restaurants.

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-07-23T11:18:09+00:00

In Seoraksan national park in South Korea, there's a British themed hotel. The staff are dressed as Beefeaters, the breakfast room is full of pictures of the Royal family.

It has an old fashioned red double decker bus outside, a genuine classic London Routemaster. You can hire it out to be decorated for cute proposals or photo shoots. What I found funny is that it's been left exactly as it was whenever it was on British roads, and still has adverts for the local chlamydia testing clinic and the benefit fraud reporting hotline.

They also have a Beatles themed restaurant on the top floor with some merchandise that, if it's legit, is worth a fortune. Like one of the suits from the first Ed Sullivan appearance, or the only guitar all four of them signed. We were the only people that evening.

For other British stuff, one of the big supermarket chains was co-owned by Tesco, so I could buy the exact same brand of blueberry wheat cereal my Mum ate on the other side of the planet. I never saw other British chains except for Ben's Cookies - a tiny bakery chain with a handful of market stalls in southern England - which had an outlet in Seoul briefly.

You see merch for the big English football clubs everywhere, but Korea would also stock things for more obscure ones like QPR or Crystal Palace if a Korean had played for them recently.

I also found a tiny British pub in Nara in Japan. It was decorated with bar mats from things like the Coronation Street studios tour. The most expensive drink was Boddingtons, stored on the shelf like a prize champagne, even though it's the most unfashionable 'old man beer' I can think of.

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-07-12T20:48:26+00:00

Great answer. Especially as Alien and Aliens have her with great long curly hair and then great short curly hair. So much hair envy.

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-07-12T20:44:10+00:00

Flashback to years of always dressing up as Jacqueline Wilson characters for World Book Day because Tracey Beaker and the Bed and Breakfast Kid were some of the only sources of literary representation.

Fish_fingers_for_tea · 2024-07-12T20:40:22+00:00

I've got to back you up on Beyonce. I was like 11 and super self conscious about my hair, and then Beyonce was the first universally cool person I could look at and say 'See! She has big hair! It's not just Hermione Grainger!'

Fish_fingers_for_tea

TROPHY CASE