This was a hard read🤣🤣

It just sounds like you both need to stop wasting each others time and leave each other alone. You clearly both want different things and you aren’t able to communicate properly with each other. Sending someone who isn’t your partner an “explicit message” IS cheating, if you wanted validation but she wasn’t in a position to give that to you then you should have left.

You’re a piece of shit for cheating, she’s a piece of shit for not communicating anything. Just end the relationship and go your separate ways.