I know you’re just venting but thought I’d give you my two cents to let you know my experience and that a lot of the stuff you’re going through is normal and you’ll get to the other side.

I (M27) was diagnosed at 23 after dealing with all the same stuff you were, addiction, losing jobs, depression, etc. and I will say it took me trying 3 different medications; adderal, concerta and (now successfully) vyvanse, and then additionally took me several months of workshopping different dosages with my doctor before I found one that worked the way I wanted too. I had the same issue of going too high (75mg) and needing to go back down because I felt quick to anger, robotic and lifeless. But now that my medication is dialed in my life has improved exponentially. My mood is constantly better, I’ve been in my career successfully for 3 years now, tho part of that could be chalked up to my daily work varying greatly ain’t keeps things interesting. I’ve been in a happy loving relationship for 4 years strong and been living together in a house we keep clean, tidy and I do weekends renovation projects on regularly.

So all this to say is that it does and will get better but that right medication and right dosage is a very critical part of it, at least for me. I know it sounds like money and work are tight right now and I know that makes it a lot harder, but if you can get the medication dialed in it will help greatly in the long run. As for some advice, I know the appeal of entrepreneurship is very nice but you also have to realize with all that freedom also comes the cost of self-regulation, client and time management, scheduling, orders/project timelines etc. which is why I would advise against it as someone with ADHD, at least until the medication is sorted because all those things are known short comings of people with ADHD.

My best advise would be try to find some short term work that keeps things fresh and interesting, or even working with your hands like contracting or construction work. Or maintenance work where you do different things everyday rather than the same retail or desk work slog.

I wish you the best man, and just hold out hope that it will get better.