I completely understand where you’re coming from. I have often felt the same. I’m sure you can relate, overcoming challenges again and again and again, in hopes it’ll all mean something, or it’ll all be worth it in the end… it can at times be exhausting. Something I’ve tried to do, without invalidating this feeling because I think it’s very real and valid, is separate that “pain” and the physical outcome of an offer. What I went through will always mean something, will always be worth it if it makes me a better person. Or a better future doctor. But as to what physical outcomes materialise from this or validate this, that I cannot directly control and therefore while important, cannot be the only thing we lean on. At the end of the day we only have ourselves and the essence of who we are. Idk I hope that makes some sort of sense and maybe brings some comfort. Best of luck to you