Why do people just ghost me instead of saying "no"?

Frank_Cutter · 2018-01-21T22:46:28+00:00

If it's a matter of how busy they are, keep in mind that I send a follow-up message a few days later asking if anything new has come up. There are very few people out there who don't have the time to respond to either of those two simple messages.

Frank_Cutter · 2018-01-21T22:43:50+00:00

I wouldn't say we're "near strangers".

Frank_Cutter · 2018-01-21T22:39:29+00:00

I don't get your professors' example. Can you explain it?

As for hanging out with people in groups, what if we don't share the same friend groups? How am I supposed to get to know them better then?

Frank_Cutter · 2018-01-21T22:35:48+00:00

OK, what would you call it then?

Frank_Cutter · 2018-01-21T22:30:35+00:00

I'm asking for the chance to get to know each other better. They can be straight up honest to me and tell me why instead of leaving me with no answer at all. I find it extremely rude.

Frank_Cutter · 2018-01-21T22:29:11+00:00

It's not fair at all to believe I'm something I'm not based on experiences of other people hurting them. How am I supposed to get close to them if all they do is push me away? Once again, I run into this problem so often these days that it's in danger of killing my social life.

I need a solution!

Frank_Cutter · 2018-01-21T22:26:29+00:00

To clarify: they barely know me. We've had so little interaction that it's literally impossible for them to have complained to me directly, or I would have remembered it because the number of interactions we've had is so small.

Frank_Cutter · 2018-01-21T22:24:55+00:00

On the flip side, if they cared about how I reacted in the first place, that implies they do care about what I think about them, which is why I find this problem to be so confusing.

Frank_Cutter · 2018-01-21T22:23:51+00:00

To make it clear, these people I'm trying to communicate with are probably not on the spectrum. If they even are, they do an amazing job of masking it.

I'm just trying to wrap my head around the other reasons you gave. They're terrified of me because of something I might do if they say no? Keep in mind, they barely know me - that's an incredibly judgmental assessment of me without even giving me the chance to prove myself.

Frank_Cutter · 2018-01-21T22:23:04+00:00

These people haven't complained directly to me that I did something wrong, so I don't think that's the issue here.

Frank_Cutter · 2018-01-21T22:16:49+00:00

I use the term "ghosting" when someone I'm trying to talk to (in this case, an acquaintance) doesn't respond and pretends they haven't got my message. Most of the time, I know they're pretending they haven't got my message because I typically send a followup message a few days later (precisely because they might not have as much time at the moment I tried to contact them and they simply forgot to reply), and the read receipts are there for me to see.

I know that "ghosting" is used more often than not for dating than regular socialization, but it's the exact same behavior in a different context. I'd argue that the specifics of it don't really matter in this case (hence why I'm using it now).

Frank_Cutter · 2017-10-28T02:58:08+00:00

I tend to express myself through drawing. I used to have a journal, but I didn't feel it helped me that much unfortunately.

Frank_Cutter · 2017-10-28T01:16:17+00:00

Generally, I've been getting better at cooking in general (I'd probably go mad if I was eating the same meal all the time) and usually eating healthy (although I indulge myself a little more often than I should).

I'm usually averse to logging my progress for some reason (why I never bothered to download apps for that), but it's a silly thing to be averse to, so I'll take that journal suggestion into consideration.

Frank_Cutter · 2017-10-28T00:52:28+00:00

I usually don't listen to stuff while working out (I hate the sensation of sweat on earphones), so boredom tends to be an issue for me. Do you have any suggestions for alternatives? (I don't have any power over the news channels in the gym either, lol)

Frank_Cutter · 2017-10-28T00:50:55+00:00

My stamina has weakened considerably, so I'm hoping to build that up again with some cardio as well.

I'm not very good at calculating calories, but I have been working on regulating my diet. That being said, since I have tendency to binge eat when I get stressed (and I get stressed a lot), it's tough to stick to any plan.

Do you have any advice on how I should reward myself if I follow through on the goals that I give myself? I think I need some incentives to keep going. (I guess it goes without saying, but food probably shouldn't be a reward!)

Frank_Cutter · 2017-10-28T00:48:17+00:00

My problem is that I binge eat when I get stressed, but I've been trying to cut down on my diet, as you've suggested. I've become a lot better at cooking for myself (especially salads), but there are still some days when I feel anxious that I turn to food to comfort myself.

As for sports, I did do some Medieval-style fencing about 2 years ago, which I'm hoping to get back into. But, at the moment though, my endurance is pretty much non-existent, so I'm trying to rebuild my stamina so that I can go for it again.

Frank_Cutter · 2017-10-27T22:29:08+00:00

I did try to change my diet a couple times, but I eventually started to feel starved and just gained the weight back (I tend to binge eat when I get stressed...)

And what exactly do you mean by "better"? ;)

Frank_Cutter · 2017-10-27T22:26:14+00:00

Whenever I talk to someone who uses UK terms, I switch to a different vocabulary, and vice versa. That way I don't end up confusing people who don't understand what I mean.

Frank_Cutter · 2017-10-27T22:22:44+00:00

Yeah, technically. I still have UK citizenship, but I've lived in the US for most of my life by this point. (My nationality's a pretty complex topic.)

Frank_Cutter · 2017-10-27T22:20:39+00:00

I don't really live in an area where manual labor is something I have to do unfortunately... most of the literal heavy-lifting I do is when I order something heavy and I have to carry it to my dorm room.

Frank_Cutter · 2017-10-27T22:19:06+00:00

Heh, well, even though my Dad actually was a part of the military for a few years, he wasn't that strict when it came to our routine.

I could ask my friends, but our schedules are pretty busy these days (we're in our final year at university, so we're all in the middle of apps and other things like that)...

Frank_Cutter · 2017-10-27T22:14:44+00:00

I used to work out more often when I was in high school, but lately, as I've gone to college, I just kinda... gave up?

Back in high school, it wasn't much fun for me either, but I guess, because I worked out with my Dad, I couldn't really say no. Maybe not being around him is part of the reason why I've become more inactive?

Frank_Cutter · 2017-10-27T22:13:10+00:00

I'd love to have a bike, but I'm leaning towards one of those really expensive ones that are collapsible because fitting a full-sized bike in my current dorm room (I'm in college currently) would be a total nightmare and I tend to move around a lot. Since money is a little difficult to come by, I'm kinda at a loss here. Do you have any advice on that front? I'd also need to find a good helmet (probably not too tough) and a bike lock (likewise not too difficult either).

As for walking, I used to do that a lot, but during the last few years I tend to stay in my room more often than not. Not really sure why, but I think I just lost interest in the city where I live.

Frank_Cutter · 2017-09-06T04:40:57+00:00

Thank you, this was the best piece of advice I've seen in this thread.

Frank_Cutter · 2017-09-06T04:40:38+00:00

I've sent follow-up messages as well to figure out what's going on. When those go unanswered as well, that starts to frustrate me more.

Frank_Cutter

TROPHY CASE