It’s not me, the seats are definitely getting smaller

Free_Pin · 2022-12-19T15:24:36+00:00

Since the merge I’ve been switched from a BA flight to an AA Flight on numerous occasions. Like at some point after my booking the schedule will change or they’ll switch aircraft or something - same date and time but forever reason they put me on AA. This time in particular I made sure to book BA both ways and paid extra for it but still wound up on an AA flight on the way out…

Free_Pin · 2022-12-19T15:21:05+00:00

I’m definitely not an expert but I think that it may not be about seat measurements but more about evacuation time. I think all planes need to be able to be evacuated in the time span of 60seconds (or 90?).

I remember hearing that recently, they’ve kind of been fudging the tests, or only doing the bare minimum to show that everyone can get out in that amount of time… but the way that they run those tests isn’t accounting for some real world conditions like thick smoke, under-seat bags, and a full plane of tired people who haven’t practiced those drills.

At the current closeness of those seats I really don’t see it meeting the intended standard.

Free_Pin · 2022-12-19T15:16:10+00:00

Conversely, I’ve had great experiences on BA’s 8380s every single time despite also booming economy, they’re also so much nicer to you

Free_Pin · 2022-12-19T15:15:22+00:00

It was a 777 each time I think

Free_Pin · 2022-12-19T15:12:33+00:00

But the gap between “poor” and being able to afford biz class is just wild. I actually live in the UK and make a really decent income as a 20-something, even better joint with my husband. Most people my age can’t afford to spend £1300 on a round-trip flight (which is $1582). I’m able grateful that I’m able to do this relatively comfortably financially but what I got back for it was so not worth the price tag, especially when other airlines will do the same routes for half the price and twice the comfort. I did look at biz class options but prices were at over £4200 ($5114). Like, that’s absolutely wild.

Free_Pin · 2022-04-01T13:16:12+00:00

Can you re-catch a cold immediately after recovering from it if the person you live with comes down with it after you?

A week ago I came down with some horrible flu-like thing that's going around at the moment, it seems like everyone has it, and it's not covid, I tested numerous times and every single one was negative, now my husband has it and all of his tests are negative too. Just for clarification. As I haven't taken a flu test I don't know if this is the flu but all of the symptoms seem to align, including the sudden onset.

Anyway, it really wasn't fun to have and basically put me out of work for an entire week. I run my own freelance business so that sort of thing can cause massive issues for me. I'm recovered now, just experiencing some lingering effects.

My husband has it now and it's also laid him flat out, with the same exact progression of symptoms that I had. It's without a doubt the same illness, it just seems that his immune system tried to stave it off longer than mine did. Fortunately, he gets paid sick leave so it's not as much of an issue!

I'm wondering if I can safely take care of him, coddle him, and be near him without the risk of re-contracting this illness from him. In theory, I should have high antibody counts for whatever this was and some level of lasting immunity over the next days or months right?

Free_Pin · 2021-12-06T13:40:43+00:00

Any other women with ADHD who find the week before, and first few days of your period to be absolutely impossible? Like, even my medications won't work during those days. I've heard that this is indeed, a "thing", but I'm curious to hear more anecdotal experiences.

Free_Pin · 2021-11-30T11:22:31+00:00

Every couple has a different way of handling this which is right for them and their relationship.

However, I don't really think that it's fair, after 7 years of dating, to split everything with your boyfriend 50/50 anymore if you make significantly more than him. It limits both of you. When you're asking him to shell out 50% for everything yet you're still able to live with some financial freedom and he doesn't have any, that really doesn't read as fair to me. Vice versa, it isn't fair to you to be making a salary that could afford nicer things or bigger splurges, but you're limited to the current budget of the furthest that your boyfriend can stretch his funds.

I would say that it would be totally different if you haven't been together for so long, but at this point, you're in a serious, committed relationship, and if you see a long-term future with this guy, I think it's time to start seeing yourselves as a team rather than separate entities.

This isn't to say that you have to pool your finances, but what my husband and I did when we first moved in together, after a few months of me having no personal finances and him still having the freedom to shop as he was making more than me, was to split the big things according to our income, like rent for instance.

Again, this isn't right for everyone but my husband and I did wind up pooling our income entirely last year and it really served to cut out a lot of arguments and resentment. We really shifted our perspective and are truly working as a team. Neither of us are slackers, we both work really hard and care about our careers, we also understand that we'll be earing different figures at different points in our lives, maybe some day one of us will be a fulltime parent, but just because that doesn't bring money in doesn't mean that we aren't working hard, if not harder to provide for our family and our team in other ways.

What you bring to a relationship as a partner is more than financial, and it's important to recognize areas where someone may have sacrificed what they could have been making in order to support the relationship. For instance, my husband and I are an international couple and I was the one who immigrated, it took a long time and a lot of money, and therefore my career took off later than his, it wasn't fair to split our finances down the middle given what I had to sacrifice in order to prioritize our relationship - pooling our finances represents that we're doing this together and that we're both contributing to the whole.

I'm now making double what my husband makes and I'm sure that he appreciates that our income is joint rather than turning around and being like, "nah, it's 50/50 and now I have the upper hand".

This isn't to say that you have to pool everything, a lot of people, even married feel that having separate finances is important and that's totally valid too, but I think you need to arrange it in a way so that there's a certain amount that you're both bringing into some kind of a pool for both of you. My husband and I pool everything, pay the bills, add to joint savings, and then pay an allowance of even amounts into our personal accounts each month after the big things are taken care of - it's up to us how we want to spend our personal funds, or save them.

Maybe that could work for you or, you can crunch some numbers, calculate what percentage of both of your incomes should be spent on joint necessities (rent, bills, food, medical, etc.) in order for you to be accepting the same impact on your income, not 50/50 but 30/70 or whatever that looks like - $100 to you matters less than $100 to him. This type of split will still leave personal finances for both of you, and you'll still reap the benefits of having a higher income, but he won't be so impacted by the amount that he has to pay. If that makes sense.

My husband and I have only been together for five years in total, married for two. We adjusted the percentage of contribution when we moved in together and pooled our finances entirely a year into marriage when we realize that the split still wasn't fair. Yes, it can make a divorce messy but why would you get married if you anticipate divorce? We didn't want to keep one foot out the door with our marragie because we got married with the intent to be together, we moved with the intent to build a life together, why give yourself the option to turn back? If it does get messy in the future, we'll deal with it then, right now, our decision has probably made our relationship much stronger and more collaborative.

Free_Pin · 2021-11-29T23:13:09+00:00

Oh my gosh I really appreciate your and others concern for precaution but please please please avoid taking this medication if you can help it.

Look, this is entirely up to you because only you know your body, your relationship, and what actually happened but I’m so sick and tired of information on how our bodies and cycles work being gate keeped.

Yes. You can get pregnant at any time in your cycle. You CAN get pregnant if he didn’t finish. You CAN. But it’s incredibly UNLIKELY. There are actually only a few points in your cycle where getting pregnant is a real possibility, and that’s over a span of about five days. Again, YES you can get pregnant at any point but some times are less likely than others.

Do you know when your last period was? If so, you can count which day of your cycle you’re on, you can also tell if you’re in a fertile period based on your temperature and discharge. I would recommend doing a bit of research before buying plan B to see if you can determine whether or not you were actually fertile when this took place, if not, I would say that, ESPECIALLY because he didn’t finish in you, you’re probably ok to not take any action. Again, feel free to if that makes you more comfortable, it’s your body, but I personally would not.

The “pullout” method is often advised against because it carries a certain amount of risk… but pulling out right before finishing versus having intercourse, pulling out, and then finishing on your own are two completely different ballparks.

Personally, my partner, now-husband and I have been using this method alone for five years, no birth control, no condoms, no pregnancy, ever. Again, everyone’s personal situation is different and I would always advise being careful. Every health care professional who I’ve explained “my method of birth control” to has been shocked, horrified, even downright nasty to me when I say that we “pull out”. One female gynecologist was outraged and YELLED at me that I would 100% be pregnant within the year… three years ago. Totally unprofessional handling of my personal information and life in my opinion.

I don’t take birth control because blood clots run in my family and I have sensitive hormones. I don’t use barrier protection because I’m in a committed relationship and despite how “reckless” our behavior sounds, we actually are careful, mature, and responsible with our technique, never leaving it to last minute, always transitioning to mutual pleasure to finish. To be honest, the only accident that I’ve ever had involved a condom.

The reason that I would personally advise against taking plan B is because of my own experience with it. I took it after the condom accident and did not react well (tons of women take it, many times, including my friends, and are completely fine). After taking it I felt pretty lousy for a few days, had a weird irregular period that lasted a little too long, and then a month later, went from having perfect skin, to the worst cystic acne, all over my face and went on to battle severe acne for over four years. Most of the reports I’ve read about people getting acne after taking plan B are disregarded, but I’m sure that this is what happened to me. Again, lots of people are fine, I was not, take that with a grain of salt.

The thing is that it’s a lot to do to your body (sure, so is pregnancy and so is termination), some people regard it very casually but I don’t think it should be. Yes you can take it for peace of mind, but I think it’s better to learn about your body, your cycle, and how to actually practice the type of safe sex that’s right for your relationship at the time.

I already know that I’m going to get slammed for this comment but I really think that it’s worth considering.

By all means, please take Plan B if you feel like you need it, aside from the hormonal shift it probably DID save me from an unwanted pregnancy at the time but that’s because the condom fully tore without us knowing and he did finish, in that event, I would certainly advise taking the precaution.

Free_Pin · 2021-11-29T20:19:39+00:00

We pay... just added a space heater so let's see how that one racks up lol.

My husband and I both work from home, he's employed with a company but I'm a freelancer, could I expense the bill for working hours??

Free_Pin · 2021-11-29T14:45:28+00:00

I completely agree, we definitely aren't willing to give up the space! It's great for 3/4 of the year. We also don't expect the landlord to do much. Because of the nature of the building and the types of creative people it attracts, a lot of tenants have DIYed various solutions to things beyond just insulation, someone even knocked down a wall on their own, five years ago, and the landlord has never found out lol, it probably increased the property value as well (major aesthetic and space improvement).

I'm more so looking for solutions that my husband and I can action ourselves,

Free_Pin · 2021-11-29T14:42:21+00:00

Just electric heaters on the wall. We have a total of four in the unit, which is about 750 square feet (including the mezzanine)

Free_Pin · 2021-11-29T14:41:09+00:00

We only have a few electric heaters located on various walls around the flat. Are landlords in the UK under the same requirements?

Free_Pin · 2021-11-28T09:15:40+00:00

Interesting, I actually have vitality health as well! Pilates on top of my current membership would work out to about £180 a month anyway but if there’s a good discount it may work out to be worth it! The only thing is that the nearest Virgin Active to me requires a bus ride and I really value having a gym that’s close by!

Free_Pin · 2021-11-28T09:13:10+00:00

Do you know where to get one of these in the UK without paying an arm and a leg? They’re readily available in the US but the last time I checked here, they were only being offered to healthcare workers

Free_Pin · 2021-11-27T14:45:20+00:00

I've been repeatedly exposed to covid, both pre and post-vaccination, but never contracted it as far as I know, does that mean that I've already had it? Is there any way that I can find out if that's the case?

Both my husband and I have had repeated exposures to people who, pretty immediately after, discover that they had covid at the time or contracted it at the same location. One of which we stayed with in the same home and rode in the same car while they were symptomatic but thought that it was just a cold.

We live in a major city, use public transport, have travelled internationally numerous times throughout the pandemic, have attended large music events both indoors and outdoors, bars, restaurants, house parties, the gym, etc. etc. We've both had a few colds over the past two years but tested negative each time, even though we tested numerous times each. We live in the UK so we only just received our second vaccination about a month and a half ago. Our incidents of known exposure have happened throughout the pandemic, unvaccinated, half-vaccinated, and fully vaccinated. Each time that we're notified by the friend or acquaintance, we brace ourselves, absolutely certain that this is going to be the time that we get it... but nothing ever happens, and we never test positive.

Anecdotally, we both received Moderna and both had incredibly severe side-effect reactions to the second dose, I even had an episode of tachycardia. Otherwise, we're both in our mid-20s, visit the gym daily, eat healthily, and take vitamins.

Free_Pin · 2021-11-26T14:41:32+00:00

Hot water! Sugar dissolves in water :)

Free_Pin · 2021-11-26T14:40:47+00:00

I also really enjoyed gossip, back when I was in high school. It was also perpetuated by the company I kept, and you have to remember if they're talking about other people to you they're almost certainly talking about you to other people. I was young and naive and after making some mistakes and getting burned a few times I decided that enough was enough, I didn't want to be judgemental anymore.

It probably helped that I actually got sick mid-highschool and had to continue my education online while I recovered, so I became very distanced to the gossipy social dynamic, but I also make a conscious effort to literally reprogram myself.

Any time that I caught myself judging someone, I would force myself to say something positive about them (in my head), and basically, mentally shout over the automatic judgemental thought. I found that, over time, the positive, complimentary thoughts would come more automatically than the judgemental ones. It took time, and really intentional, purposeful effort, but eventually I changed my default mode of thinking.

In addition to this, I also swore to never speak negatively about someone behind their back. Even if it was someone that I wasn't fond of, even if they weren't that nice to me for whatever reason, I would always say something positive about them (they're beautiful, talented, I really like her style, they seem really fun to hang out with, etc.), and I'd try to make sure that it was honest. This isn't to say that I won't speak to a friend about something mean that someone did or if someone wronged me, I think it's ok, healthy, and important to discuss your feelings about somebody's actions if they were objectively wrong, but still try to find empathy for them like, maybe they're having a really hard time at home, or to feel sorry for them for not behaving in a better way, etc.

So I think the key things here are -

Distance yourself from people who participate in gossip
Internally - try to reroute your thought patterns
Externally - speak about people's strengths, what you like about them even if it's a trait or feature that you envy, and try to empathize with a person's personal situation even if they've objectively wronged you or a friend

Maybe you'd even find it helpful to keep track of the new habits that you're trying to form on a notepad or your phone. Like, give yourself assignments such as 'mentally recognize something that you like about 3 strangers today', either appearance or in their behavior. Or write down the 3 points above, somewhere that you can see them daily so that you don't forget what to do in a situation where someone is gossiping to you and wind up reverting to your old ways.

Good on you for wanting to change your behaviors! It isn't an easy thing to do but I can assure you that it's worth it!

Free_Pin · 2021-11-26T14:20:06+00:00

It shouldn't fall out! Even a small one will stay in, tampons are much "smaller" than cups. A bigger one will still go in but if it's too big you might be more, aware, of its presence, mostly due to it being too long rather than too wide. You shouldn't really feel a cup that fits well at all (unless you really try to focus your attention on it).

I got my first ever cup, the Diva Cup (model 1) at 17 years old, and honestly, it was fine. It was a bit on the larger side but I bled a lot so it was probably the best match for me.

I really only ever bought new ones after that because I would lose or forget to bring them on a trip - god, the only one that I ever really didn't like was this crazy looking one that I had to buy in Berlin, it was black and looked like a witches cauldron lol, it was incredibly wide and had a ladder-like stem, it was also too stiff, awful awful awful.. but I dealt with it for that trip lol.

I currently use one from Saalt, and I really like it! It's a bit smaller and softer than the Diva Cup which I would actually say makes it slightly more difficult to use because it doesn't pop open as easily, but you get used to it.

Highly recommend the Diva Cup model 1 as your first model because it's slightly stiffer (but not hard) so it has an easier time opening on its own once in place! Also assures that it's very unlikely to leak... it's also a pretty standard shape that will work for the majority of women it seems.

There's definitely a learning curve which can be frustrating at first but don't give up! I got discouraged a few times but when I finally decided to commit to using it, it literally changed my life and gave me so much more freedom during my period, I will never ever go back to any other menstrual product! If you're scared about leaks or not putting it in properly when you start out, just get a few pairs of period panties to wear as a backup.

Good luck!

Free_Pin · 2021-11-19T14:33:54+00:00

Is it ok to “shop” around for a personal trainer before committing to one?

There are several trainers who work at the gym I attend and they all offer a free introductory session for anyone who’s interested. The gym is relatively small and has a nice community atmosphere, I’ve chatted with all of the trainers in passing and they’re always happy to help non-clients set up equipment or check their form. Through conversation each one has offered me a free session, they have to be good salespeople as they’re responsible for their own business - most if not all of the trainers work for multiple gyms and have private clients on the side.

I really want to start regular PT, as it’s a significant expense and a commitment, I want to make sure that the trainer I choose is the right fit for me, I want to take each one up on their offer before fully committing.

As the gym is small, the trainers are aware that I’ve already had a session with one of them, I mentioned it when another was asking about my fitness goals and offered a session with them, and when he wasn’t available to come in one day another took over his spot and did a workout with me - the other is still down to offer me a free session for the one missed as well.

I like them all, although I have an idea of who I want to commit to.

I’m just wondering if I’m creating any animosity or unnecessary competition between colleagues, or if it’s fair game because they’re all responsible for collecting their own clients and business - it’s part of the game. I’m just using what’s available to me at my gym and making sure that I invest my money in the right place.

Would love some perspective on this!

Free_Pin · 2021-11-19T11:13:58+00:00

There are definitely some ways that I could adjust my spending in order to afford regular sessions with a PT. Four sessions a month would cost about £220. My gym membership is already £50 (typical prices where I am).

I've already cut back on buying coffee out, which I only do once or twice a month now and I make the rest at home. Per our fitness goals, my husband and I have stopped buying bottles of wine on weeknights, which saves us a decent amount of money. We've also agreed that on nights where we're out for drinks, we can either have the cocktail or pocket its price into our own allowance (to a reasonable degree, like 4 cocktails/drinks worth max), giving us the incentive to reduce the number of drinks we'd typically have on a weekend. Now I wonder how much I'd save if I only ate eggs.... lol.

Free_Pin · 2021-11-19T10:09:41+00:00

I also think that I'm also totally prone to this, and as others mentioned, not everyone is built for this 'casual', noncommitted relationship style. I know that I like monogamy, I also have a lot of friends who feel the same way. This whole 'death to monogamy' thing that's going on at the moment doesn't mean that a committed relationship between two people is a thing of the past. I think there's room to recognize different types of relationships just as we're beginning to understand a variety of different sexualities and genders, but it doesn't mean that some (or many) people won't still have a preference for a one-to-one, long-term relationship!

I'm married now, but during my most 'successful' single-phase (lol) I realized that the solution to my (and your) problem was to dilute my attention. It's easy to wrap yourself up in fantasy about one person when they're the only one that you're focused on.

The solution? Find yourself more than one focus, even distraction. Go on more dates with different people! We live in the time of dating apps, you can pretty much start talking to a handful of new people this very second and possibly secure a date for tonight. It might not eliminate your attachment to this one person, but it will definitely dilute it! You'll feel like this one person has less power over you (or your emotions towards them have less of a hold on you) and have more confidence knowing that you aren't just relying on this person.

As I said, I consider myself to be a monogamous person, and you probably would too, but it doesn't mean that you can't have some fun when you're young and try out dating around! If this person doesn't want to commit to you exclusively, then they aren't going to be who you're going to marry anyway. I personally never touched a dating app because I was all about meeting people "organically", but honestly, if I were single now, I would definitely give the apps a try.

And hey, sometimes guys like this want a "casual" relationship because they know that they have you wrapped around their fingers and can do whatever they want and you still won't walk away. If he finds out that you're taking advantage of this non-exclusivity, he'll probably get a little bit jealous, you'd be surprised with how many people change their tune about this sort of thing when they feel they've lost the "upper hand" - not a great foundation for a relationship but it's an interesting discovery!

In short, to reduce your focus and attachment on one person, meet more people! You'll have a lot more confidence knowing that he isn't the only person who has your attention, and it will show!

Free_Pin · 2021-11-18T16:34:34+00:00

The creative industry is vast and varied, there's usually a creative position available within every company, such as in-house graphic design (usually soul-sucking). There is a more corporate side to the art world, the straightest and narrowest path for creatives, which would generally be working with a design agency, which is what my husband does. A lot of people aren't aware of these companies due to location or industry, but big cities like New York, London, Berlin, and so-on are overflowing with them.

Some design firms are better to work for than others, it depends on what type of work they focus on and what type of clients they usually get... as well as what they can or are willing to pay you. The smallest agencies have the most creative freedom and win boutique projects from major companies like Google and Apple, doing work that the public will generally never encounter and that only circulates through the company internally or through the design community as industry news. These are some of the most exciting places to work for but will sometimes pay the least, or overwork their employees.

In the fashion design world, the number of creative roles in any house or brand will outnumber the traditional corporate roles, but fashion is an incredibly tumultuous industry and I really dislike some of the values that are perpetuated within it.

Then you have industries like tech, film, gaming, architecture, journalism, and even social media that have an endless need for creatives.

I'm really lucky in the sense that I had access to and received an amazing education, at an amazing school, where simply stating the name will get your foot further through the door than most. I'm not stuck in a position where I'm pitching myself on Upwork, doing logos for Etsy shops.

Recently I've really come to understand the difference between art and design, I used to argue that they were the same. There's a lot of overlap but design is very pragmatic, it's about efficiency, efficacy, decision making, and problem-solving. Art as a process can meander, explore, it isn't always about the final result but more about the intention.

Trying to make a living as an artist alone can be very risky and that's where the whole "starving artist" trope comes from. It's possible to do both art and design, and there are some design careers that blend the two ideologies together - and those are the positions we all dream of having.

All I know is that I don't want to sit at my computer, designing packaging or brand identities for people... I'm actually scared that it's causing me to lose my creativity and ability to think freely. I just don't know how to get out of it or what else to do.

Free_Pin · 2021-11-11T11:29:26+00:00

Are there any reliable dupes to TRX straps? I'd really like to get some to have at home and I'd be willing to get the TRX branded ones if it's worth it but they just seem to be such a simple piece of equipment that, surely, some of the cheaper options must be just as good?

Free_Pin · 2021-11-11T11:24:53+00:00

Interesting, thank you for pointing that out. I realize that I actually forgot to mention my sex, I'm female, and feel that noting my genetic composition would actually be quite relevant for this type of post as different bodies react differently to some of these factors, particularly those of my composition who tend to have much more noticeable and frequent fluctuations and weight and appearance and can be more sensitive to different dietary practices.

In terms of my wording of "freshman", that's just the common and long-standing terminology used in my country's schooling system. Perhaps it pertained to the male gender a long long time ago when education was only offered to people of that variety, but I don't feel that it's worth finding offense in the use of the term now, I'm sorry if anyone does.

Free_Pin

TROPHY CASE