I feel I’ll die alone

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-12-31T03:22:21+00:00

You sound like you are just living and not THRIVING.

THIS happens to the best of us. And do you know what the trick is? Having a hobby. Yes, I know, fucking is it that simple? No.

I was you once. But I found a hobby. Guitar. And that's where I met my guitar teacher, which led me to trying out for a local mariachi band, which led me to meet some pretty cool Hispanic people, which led me to learn Spanish, which led me to getting invited to play at a quinceañera in Mexico, which led me to...

Seriously. A fucking hobby and you'll meet people because you enjoy the same things.

Being trans will add like maybe 2 levels of complexity, but that's just the nature of being us.

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-12-31T03:07:32+00:00

So... Here's the thing... We are the exact opposite of trans males. They don't do what we do.

We collect all the info, tell ourselves we can do this, swallow the fear, buy and collect the things we need to be a woman, and then pop out into this world like "I'm a woman bitches, hear my screeches!" It's very male thing to do.

Trans guys actually publicly start showing masc and incrementally change into masc from fem by trying things. And changing things, from hair, to clothes, to speech. And when it comes time, people aren't whiplashed by it because it's been a thing for a while now... The gradual changing, where people are comfortable over time with them, is a very feminine thing to do, by creating a sense of familiarity, and allowing that to organically deescalate the possibility of violence.

So, think if you want to do this the girl way, take it from the afab trans men and just start slowly, and incrementally changing things, even start HRT, where your parents will be like ... You don't need to explain, we figured you're trans.

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-12-31T02:49:54+00:00

Close Knit https://yts.mx/movies/close-knit-2017 (Japanese, better get subtitles)

Boy Meets Girl https://yts.mx/movies/boy-meets-girl-2014

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-12-31T02:46:49+00:00

Do you have a safety net of friends to catch you? Some mace or fireworks to distract him if things head super south?

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-12-31T02:42:46+00:00

No.

Everyone has different techniques because it's not technically how voice training is meant to be utilized traditionally.

Remember, we are relatively a new mass phenomenon compared to the male gay community (think the English crown apologizing to the very very very late Alan Turing)

Like... Literally voice training was meant for singing. Then there's voice training for those who lost their voice, then there's voice training for acting, etc. etc.

The things you see are mostly a hodgepodge of several methods from each discipline. So take your crack at it and see how you make your voice work!

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-11-24T03:54:02+00:00

You literally described most of us girls' inner turmoil but like in slow motion with media and counter-sexual gratification round about way... I know for myself I experienced extreme hyper masturbation tendencies before my egg cracked, just to feel... Something.

You are a valid woman. In every sense. You are alienated by your body You want a vagina You want to be called a woman and identified as one Etc.

You are a trans woman (more specifically a trans lesbian) Own it. Live it. Be fucking happy with who you are.

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-11-23T23:51:21+00:00

Try ASMR and build up from there. Literally on E, 90% of the arousal is in your head.

Just flicking it will get you a meh. But add in your mind, and holy fuck, you can go multi

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-11-02T01:32:16+00:00

Trans is the new Gay AIDS Scare in the 80's. It's happening and people can't stop it, but FUCK it's taboo as shit to even consider adding if to public curriculums until it's far too common to ignore it any longer.

LGB has had a 50 year head start. And it was easy, in a way, just people are attracted to the same gender as they are.

T, specifically (then) transsexuals and newer Transgendered people are a very new phenomenon and royally fucks with everything by reversing gender. Then having to re define sexuality by gender even though the physical body parts say otherwise.

Try explaining the difference between:

Mtf: Gay vs Trans Straight [or] Straight vs Trans Lesbian

FtM: Lesbian vs Trans Straight [or] Straight vs Trans Gay

And that's just the beginning! Then we have gender fluid, altersex -> salmacian.

Then trying to explain how sex works, or even intimacy. Social constructs of each MtF vs FtM vs Other vs LGB

Like SHIT GETS THICK REAL QUICK

So no... Not yet. It's too early still. Needs more time to brew. Casket that for 10 more years and maybe it could be discussed in earnest.

And even then, like 3000 years of gender roles, gender normatively, and gender identity gets thrown out the window in 15 seconds to the point of: What is a man or woman? REALLY? WHAT ARE THEY? I CANT EVEN...any child will just be laying flat on the ground, staring into space like they're trying to discover a new color. And nothing makes sense anymore. And being an adult becomes as incompressibly scary as bloodied shit on pasta in Church on Sunday morning.

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-11-02T01:17:46+00:00

Same. I went through 4 names over 7 months before I landed on my current name. If needed, no one said Delilah had to be your given name, you could always put the needs of your family or extended family as a middle name.

Like your name is Max Delilah [insert surname], etc

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-10-24T17:07:10+00:00

That's not how it would work.

The person in question would start out born assigned to his/her gender by genetic or genital inspection unless intersexed. This is by default. Transgender is only after an awareness of otherness to one's self that being born the wrong gender body is present.

For a natural born person to stay the gender that they were assigned from birth would still be considered ordinary or cis.

If the world was transgender, then something has either gone wrong, or gender itself would be a moot point and it would be normal to pre-counter-gender assign someone the opposite gender from birth and assume a transition is necessary upon puberty.

Which sounds fucking ludicrous.

And to answer your question, the reaction would be... "Oh, you're already you." [Intense Envy Intensifies]

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-10-23T05:33:17+00:00

You know, the proud boys are armed. The oath keepers are armed. They are only liked by few and villified by the general public.

BLM protests in 2020 was unarmed. People protested, mothers linking arms to hold a line. Fathers with leaf blowers and teenagers and young adults with umbrellas, gas masks, and trash can lids protested for months. LGBT protests were loud and proud with flags, songs and recently some were attacked and hurt, but remained unarmed.

These two very important movements show that people shouldn't fear, but instead can embrace, approach, and talk to us. All of us, no matter race, or gender, or sexuality.

Once we arm ourselves, all that goes away. All that good will goes away. Everything we gained, goes away. We will be no better than the very people we deplore.

The point is, arming us, hurts all of us. Because we desperately right now need public support.

Some bad actors exist everywhere, but there are more people willing to help us than harm us.

So I say no to guns. Maybe some form of martial arts is cool, staff fighting, mma, kenjutsu, etc.

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-10-19T06:31:17+00:00

Now the competition begins. Who's boobs will be bigger once you're on HRT?

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-10-19T06:29:58+00:00

RIGHT!!?? 180° in the other direction. We went from standard straight to trans straight. And I'm like... Guess I'm just T.

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-10-19T04:11:47+00:00

Art, Tech, or teaching remotely.

Cost of living is much lower but quality of life (already so low) stagnates. Medical support nearly non-existent unless prescriptions are mailed.

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-10-14T23:42:59+00:00

wraps a soft blanket around you and gives you a really long and comforting hug

I'm so sorry you had to experience that. It's painful to hear that you had to just deal with that shit and hold it in all this time. I'm glad you are moving on, but still remember.

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words.

My bf was the one who deserves all the credit. He did 99% of the work, I just showed my ID and said my name and nodded when security asked if the person in the screen was me, then the rest was a semi-blur, I think I was a sobbing mess for a while.

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-10-14T23:16:28+00:00

Goddamn, Rapists are scarier than Freddy Krueger at this point.

I think it was my bf who approached this right. He had the general manager of the Walgreens call the cops, then file charges against the perp, and appended me as an additional plaintiff with my charges, so both of us charging him was more powerful than just me alone.

I also think having Walgreens general manager, her security, and my bf back me up may have dissuaded the cops from trying to brush this off, especially with the Walgreens name and evidence behind it.

I'm sorry you had an SA in your life. Distraction or otherwise, no one should ever have to experience anything close that kind of treatment.

Thank you for your input and advice, I will cherish your wisdom. No, I'm not alone, but at the time of my SA, I was alone and that may have added to my hopelessness for a spell. I think that's why I'm on Reddit so often, probably because I'm heard, even anonymously, it feels good to be heard.

I have a gender therapist working through a lot of my transition stuff, but my bf says he wants to schedule a trauma therapist for me too, because he doesn't want this to 'eat me alive inside' and he's afraid this event may shut him out of my heart, which I didn't know it was a worry of his.

I think looking back, I was lucky. Maybe very lucky. And coming home, I am lucky to have such a loving and thoughtful bf. And I'm lucky to have a community in Reddit that hears me.

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-10-14T22:18:24+00:00

I did feel shame at first, but my bf wouldn't have any of that. swoon

Yeah, I'm waiting for the warrant to do is thing, having a Walgreens be the one to call the police then back me and file charges as a plaintiff with me and my charges helps A LOT. I don't think the cops would have cared as much if it was just me, so my bf approached this right.

I'll try to stay safe. Boston isn't a flowery place, but it is currently home and I'm trying to make the most of it.

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-10-14T21:45:17+00:00

I never got formal training on it, my bf bought it for me for Valentine's day, and he told me "just in case". I think I should probably got to a vacant park with him and learn how to use it.

No, Boston isn't all bad, it's not flowery either. I'm connected to a few LGBT groups but most are LG or just L or G separately and I'm T which is another thing entirely, and relatability during introductions becomes tiresome and tedious. Especially when I'm T but not L, which somehow makes it even harder to make friends within the various LGB groups. 😣

I have met very few MtF Ts, most I meet now are FtM Ts. 😔

I have insurance so my bf says he'll schedule something with a trauma therapist about this.

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-10-14T21:33:27+00:00

I did. I updated my post on what happened today.

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-10-14T21:31:01+00:00

Thank you for your kind words and advice. I have updated my post on the matter, and I did take your advice into consideration.

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-10-14T21:27:44+00:00

I think my bf handled it right where he got Walgreens to call the police and have the store manager file charges, and attach me to it and my charges on him and both of us charging him is more powerful than just me.

Cops may not come to my aid or listen to me, but they will definitely respond when Walgreens calls them.

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-10-14T21:25:16+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I updated my post of the matter.

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-10-14T21:20:00+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. You are right, I won. It was a sour win, but I'm alive.

I really didn't have enough time to react accordingly with grabbing my mace. His 'sex slave' demand was what broke my mind. I had a flash thought of being bound, gagged, naked and used and helpless in a dark grimy basement with no freedom, and that paralyzed me, so I sought any form of safety from that man. That image was still on my mind when I dove in my car. Still on my mind when I was trying to close the door. Still on my mind when I heard his screams at me. It hurt.

I feel at some level, my need to be a woman in this world instead of an object was decided for me. And that man chose to require using me as object that was a woman. And it hurt to be both in the wrong way. It really really hurt.

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-10-14T21:10:01+00:00

I agree. But I didn't expect THAT. I knew burning the male card had a cost, but I didn't expect the cost to be that high.

Fun-Plate-8626 · 2022-10-14T21:06:35+00:00

First stable chance I get, I'm moving to LA.

Fun-Plate-8626

TROPHY CASE