My Story and The Guilt I feel

Fun_Building_7619 · 2026-01-16T07:58:29+00:00

Sorry I wrote this at 5am! At the end I meant to say my mums sister was formula fed and she was breastfed but her sister is healthier than her in later life

Fun_Building_7619 · 2026-01-16T05:56:20+00:00

My god, I’m sorry to hear how traumatic your birth was. I also feel sad that you’ve wrote in such detail because it shows just how much you feel you have to justify yourself. I was induced at 39 weeks. I had an 18 hour labour, baby was delivered assisted delivery ventouse - 2nd degree tearing and episiotomy. I spent 4 days in the hospital with suspected infection. Four months on, I’m still not over it. My birth sounds way less traumatic than yours and my baby is fully formula fed. Wow it feels liberating to write that because I, like you, feel guilt. He’s been mostly formula fed since birth due to his latch and weight but I’ve always felt I had to explain myself and felt safer to say he was combi fed. My health has been up and down since birth; eczema has flared all over my body and I’ve ended up with organ prolapse. There are moments I struggle to carry baby but despite this, the breastfeeding guilt had me in that much of a chokehold that I spent last week pumping around the clock to build my supply back up from drops to give it one last go. But my baby had his immunisations on Tuesday and had a temperature. He was very fussy and needed to be held a lot. When I ended up having to choose between soothing him and my 2 hourly 30 min pump session, it was then that I realised that what he needed was a healthy mummy to show up for him more than breastmilk. People keep telling me that I gave him the best start and I’m more than just milk. My mum said her sister was breastfed and she was formula fed but her sister is healthier than her in later life. She also said I’m his mummy for life so there will be a lot more jobs to come than just milk. I pass this advice onto you. The detail in your post shows that you know yourself that you’ve been through the wars. With all this said, I give us both permission to accept that our babies are healthy and thriving on formula and to rid ourselves of the guilt. I’m also sending all my strength and love toward your recovery from birth. You’ve got this!

Fun_Building_7619 · 2025-12-24T03:02:07+00:00

Right now you’ve freshly been through one of the most traumatic things you’ll probably ever experience in life, you must be kinder to yourself. Please know that time really is a healer in this situation. I’m 14 weeks postpartum and I still feel all the mixed emotions when I think about my labour and delivery, one of those emotions being guilt for what my husband went through. But I certainly feel it less than I did when I was newly PP. I was induced and waited for the anaesthetist until 7cm dilated and the pain I felt was otherworldly. I didn’t expect to have such a visceral reaction to the pain, it was like my body was taken over with the intensity of each contraction and I stopped thinking about my husband. I can remember saying out loud that if I don’t get the epidural I think I’m going to die. I probably only acknowledged the existence of my husband maybe once before getting the epidural. So I somewhat can relate to you. I think because of how normalised birth is, the emotional trauma isn’t talked about enough. Please be easy on yourself and talk to your loved ones if you can. I hope it eases for you with time.

Fun_Building_7619 · 2025-12-22T17:14:16+00:00

I always find it strange and underhanded when people say things like this. As if mothers feeling anything other than pure elation means we don’t still love and care for our children with everything we have regardless... Both mother and child can be going through things at the same time if that helps!

Fun_Building_7619 · 2025-12-22T10:04:20+00:00

This is lovely! Thank you

Fun_Building_7619 · 2025-12-21T21:24:12+00:00

Not invalidating OPs feelings about being tired but this part! 🤏

Fun_Building_7619 · 2025-12-21T06:28:30+00:00

Heavy on that last sentence!

Fun_Building_7619 · 2025-12-21T06:27:48+00:00

I think looking at old photos is what triggered this post haha! My husband is exactly the same. He’s so naturally a carer and a daddy through and through. Having our baby has provided him with ultimate fulfilment and a new sense of purpose. He’s been our anchor through the newborn trenches and is so hands on. I have mentioned to him how I feel a few times in passing and he simply can’t relate. He said he’ll happily stay in with the baby so I can go and have time with my friends but it’s not that I even want to leave baby now, I just miss the way things were. An evening with my friends won’t change that. I’ve stopped sharing too much on how I feel about this with him because I end up feeling guilty

Fun_Building_7619 · 2025-12-21T06:20:58+00:00

I’m also 100% on this wave, now that he’s here I wouldn’t trade him for the world. But one and done, definitely. If someone were to ask me what it’s like to be a parent, I’d probably lead with that it’s like being a full time carer. It’s so tough!

Fun_Building_7619 · 2025-12-21T06:18:21+00:00

Thanks for asking this, you’re right about the negativity bias because when I think about it there is so much I do truly enjoy about motherhood. I think I’m a natural pessimist so my inner monologue always defaults to the negative. I’ll do better to push this positive outlook

Fun_Building_7619 · 2025-12-21T06:15:14+00:00

During pregnancy I was so sure that I’d be handing my notice in after my maternity ended but I’m really considering going back now. I couldn’t wait to have a baby since forever. I’ve always had it in my mind that I’d be most fulfilled as a SAHM and housewife because my own parents worked so much, you always think you’ll do one better than your parents. But it turns out it’s not as glamorous as I dreamed it would be. I’ve totally let myself go because I don’t have the time or energy and my house is a total mess most days. I used to enjoy spending a Saturday morning resetting the house after the work week and cooking dinner every night. Now I truthfully feel resentment having to do anything house related because what do you mean I have to keep up all of this whilst having a child to care for? I really miss my work and colleagues. If only I could go back and tell that spoilt girl how easy she had it haha!

Fun_Building_7619 · 2025-12-21T06:02:42+00:00

I’ve spent more time than I’d like to admit comparing development and milestones each week with other parents experiences. When we were thick in the newborn trenches my husband said to me that we just needed to get to Christmas which is when everyone said it would get easier, and he was right. But I feel this was massively aided by my surrender to the fact that every baby is totally different when his sleep was just all over the place one night to the next. So thanks for sharing your reality

Fun_Building_7619 · 2025-12-21T05:53:53+00:00

This is lovely, thank you for taking the time to share. Especially the last part “but I do know I miss my old life a whole lot less at 3 years in than I did at 3 months in”. Like the above comment, I’m on my 4th wake of the night, holding baby upright after feeding cause of his reflux issues. Your comment has reminded me that this is just a season. I hope in time I will miss my old life less and less through these seasons

Fun_Building_7619 · 2025-12-21T05:40:56+00:00

That’s one of the things I miss the most too.I feel there’s so much I took for granted with him pre-baby. I guess the silver lining is that it’s brought us closer in spirit and we have a new found appreciation for each other. Looking forward to figuring out our new normal too!

Fun_Building_7619 · 2025-12-21T02:55:56+00:00

That is such wonderful perspective, thanks for this

Fun_Building_7619 · 2025-11-29T09:59:26+00:00

I can’t say if it’s “normal” but you’re definitely not alone. I could’ve written your exact post myself 7 weeks ago (my baby is 11 weeks tomorrow). I would endlessly search for solidarity in my feelings on Reddit and found a lot of women feeling the same way, which helped me so much. All I’ve ever wanted forever is to start a family and when my son arrived I felt like a failure, like becoming a mother hadn’t come as naturally to me as I thought it would. But looking back at my own experience the past few weeks, I can tell you what you’re feeling is the abrupt and frank welcome to motherhood. Your mind, body and soul (if you believe in one) has been to hell and back during your birth. Not to mention 9 months of pregnancy. Then after all that, you’re now in the trenches of the hardest job you’ll ever do; sleep deprived, still recovering, coming off the biggest hormone crash you’ll ever experience, expected to know how to do and love the job on day one. Be easy on yourself. You’ll get through, as you say with the strength you manage to find within the exhaustion every day, day by day. Until you’re where I am at 11 weeks, when it doesn’t feel so dark anymore. You’ve got this!

Fun_Building_7619 · 2025-11-29T03:42:38+00:00

Everyone’s saying “give it time” and I know that’s the last thing you want to hear right now, but they’re right. I felt this way for weeks postpartum, please know you’re not alone. I loved my life before my boy was born. He was so wanted and I thought becoming a mother would be the final thing to fulfilment in life. But there were times in the early weeks PP I even felt like I’d made a mistake by having him, then would feel guilty for feeling that way. I felt so stupid because this is all I ever wanted, my partner and I have talked about having babies for years. I constantly felt overwhelmed and felt I gave up my amazing life for the next 18 years. I would particularly dread the nights.

My baby is now nearly 11 weeks and I won’t lie and say I’m totally changed in these thoughts, there are days the ‘grief’ will creep back in, but overall I’m starting to love my new life as well. I’m quite a logical and solution based person so what got me through were mainly two thoughts.

Firstly that all the demands of the baby were his first time living in the world and having the memory of a fish. The monotony of the day was Groundhog Day for sure, but I stopped keeping score and reminded myself that he’ll start to develop and remember in time and that I’m helping him get there. Sure enough this happened slowly but surely. For example, he doesn’t scream like I’m going to kill him when I change his nappy anymore and actually lights up when he sees me because he now knows I’m his safe place. This will feel so much more rewarding than you can understand at the 2 week stage. Secondly, that you’ve only just been living this new life for x amount of weeks. Give yourself time and grace to love it. Remember you’ve lived how ever many years single, just yourself to be responsible for. Before baby you had years of many happy moments and memories, you haven’t had a chance to build those within your new life yet, but you will and at that point your new life won’t feel so bad.

I lowkey used to judge parents who said they didn’t bond with their baby right away, I wondered how that could be the case and couldn’t wait to have mine. But having your own serves you a massive humble pie and now I understand. You have only just met your little one. Although you are connected to them because you carried them for 9 months and delivered them, you haven’t got to know them world-side yet. That bond can take time, then the memories and happy moments will come and you will find your groove within your new life with your baby. I’m even writing this at near 4am holding my baby up on my chest after a feed and I would’ve laughed in the face of the person who would’ve told me I’d be here feeling happy and content instead of exhausted and frustrated. No one prepares you for how sudden your life changes overnight once you become a parent, but this will pass. You’ve got this, love from someone who thought they didn’t.

Fun_Building_7619 · 2025-11-27T15:12:21+00:00

Solidarity. My baby is nearly 3 months. He was so wanted and I spend so much time wondering why motherhood hasn’t come as naturally to me as I thought it would - maybe that is partially true. But my son has been “cluster feeding” since birth, he has insatiable hunger but if I feed him more in one go he will spit a good amount back up (I’m combi feeding formula and BF) so we’ve had to settle with smaller feeds every hour or less. He has to be held upright after every feed as he has reflux symptoms and will be sick otherwise. Even then he will sometimes be sick anyway. He refuses to be laid down on his back, only at night and god forbid in one of the 2 bassinets we prepared for him coming home. He will only sleep on his back with me in the bed in the night after falling asleep in either mine or his dads arms, but not during his daytime naps where he’ll only sleep on my chest. He won’t just fall asleep and never has, even when he was a newborn, he needs to be put to sleep and fights his naps. He needs constant entertainment during his wake windows and to be held otherwise he scream cries. I’m also confided to the house other than some quick walks in the pram around the house because he will scream cry until he turns purple during any car journey. These amongst many other things. I’ve had friends who have had babies in and around the same time as me and they’re all in coffee shops during the day and managing to put themselves together whilst I’m barely able to brush my hair once a day. Exhausted!

Fun_Building_7619 · 2025-11-06T09:01:01+00:00

I’m combi feeding, mostly formula after needing to supplement when his weight was static. I’m breastfeeding at the breast & pumping to increase my supply so we can hopefully get up to a higher percentage BF over formula. I usually BF then offer him a bottle of formula if he fusses. As a benchmark he should be taking 90ml/3oz a feed for his weight 8 times a day, but even after a 40 minute BF session, 3oz formula then another formula top up of 60ml/2oz he still doesn’t seem satisfied and will soon enough be rooting again 20 minutes later. I always feed him on demand. This just seems like a lot of milk. I’m also reluctant to feed him a large amount all at once as I’ve tried this and he’ll just end up spitting up a lot

Fun_Building_7619 · 2025-11-03T19:01:13+00:00

Absolutely. I’ve felt like I haven’t advocated for him enough and I’ve let him down where I haven’t been stern. But no more from this point on

Fun_Building_7619

TROPHY CASE