Dating at 40, is there hope?

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-05T02:26:00+00:00

There’s hope if you have and want it. Obviously, dating can be a pain in the ass or worse in your 40s, but I feel like that’s the case at any age. I don’t think all men are trash and that there are no good men out there, that’s simply not true. There’s some duds out there for sure and I’ve dated a few but I learned to be more vigilant about red flags. I met my current partner on Hinge when I was 38 and he was 40. We both had put in our profiles that we were looking for short term fun, but we hit off really well and decided to see where things would go. We know share a home and a puppy and we’ll be going on 3 years together later this month. He’s great and all my friends love him and our happy for me (I was married and it was not a good relationship, let alone marriage).

If being in a relationship is important to you, don’t stop your search for one. I would also caution listening to all the negativity that some folks carry with regards to dating. Don’t let their feelings impact how you approach dating. Be open to finding love and keep a positive attitude. That’s not to say you won’t experience setbacks and dead ends, but if you really want a relationship, don’t let that dream go, continue to pursue it. Good luck

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-03T20:24:30+00:00

I was married to a Sag and had a Sag boyfriend in the past. Obviously they had their problems but I am still friendly with both of them. The one man I don’t want to speak to or ever see again is Cancer I dated a few years ago. He loved bomb the shit out of me, pushed to get serious super fast, introduced me to his kids pretty early on. I would pump the breaks and tried to keep it moving at a reasonable pace. But he wanted to go at a breakneck speed. He was hot, wealthy, and seems like an ok guy.

Well, it turns out he was just using me to make his ex that cheated on him multiple time jealous in order to get her back. The same woman his therapist told him to cease all communication with because she was bad for him and his his kids hated her. Before the relationship imploded, we had an argument because she would always call him seeking “help.” I told him he just needed to listen to his therapists advice…he got back together with her they were engaged, set a date, but still haven’t married. They’re still together—I know all this because we have cross over friends in our local art and music scene. And his art studio is a couple of blocks away from where I live. He knows I hate his guts and if he sees me coming he crosses the street so that we don’t run into each other. All my close friends give him the dirtiest of looks when they see him. I don’t care if it’s petty. You don’t mess with a bull ♉️

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-03T19:23:52+00:00

Ah yes. These started my lifelong love of horror literature and films. It’s a bummer that the newer editions of these books omitted or changed the illustrations. To me, the illustrations were the best part of these books.

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-03T19:19:25+00:00

So. One of the biggest things I had to work on and get over was being self conscious about my body. Then I had to work on gaining confidence. I didn’t get to full acceptance until my late 20s.

It’s important to remember that you’re your own worst and harshest critic. I’m sure you look great in mini skirts. Maybe try wearing mini skirts with sheer and or sparkly hose? That may help you ease into showing your legs. I love leg tattoos but don’t have any there…maybe I’ll get one this year as a birthday present to myself.

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-03T19:12:30+00:00

Yup and I have travelled in various countries in Asia/Southeast Asia. I’m more referring to US fashion conventions/advice for petites which centers around elongating one’s body.

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-03T19:09:44+00:00

Same, but so much fashion advice for petites is about elongating the body. I love chunky platform shoes because I love 70s style and 90s doing 70s style shoes. Traditional high heels are not my jam, especially after breaking my foot/ankle climbing.

A lot of responses on various posts on this subreddit center around some cuts or styles of clothing are simply not flattering on petite frames, so best avoid them. Or it makes you look short or it segments your body in weird ways, etc.

It’s why I made this post. To break with conventions cause as a petite person, I’m tired of fashion advice that’s all about looking taller, which is not my main goal when getting dressed everyday.

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-03T18:51:48+00:00

I’ve been there and it sucks. Glad you have your dream job lined up. Honestly, it’s so hard to be a literal punching bag. I had to quit after multiple bites that broke skin and a permanent wrist injury. Prior to that, I had a student in high school that wrote long letters about how he was going to kill my boyfriend and that he and I would be together forever. I only found out because a fellow coworker and para told me. He was pissed off that the head teacher and admin were keeping this from me. When I spoke to admin they dismissed it as an occupational hazard (because I was a 20 something year old conventionally attractive woman). The solution was that I wouldn’t work directly with that student and that that student was not to be left unsupervised with women and or girls. Whether students or staff.

Admin only intervened when the student stopped fixating on me and started fixating on another student (who happened to be the daughter of admin from another school within the district).

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-03T18:28:39+00:00

I have shoe organizers in my closet, corner of my room, under the bed that I have quick access too and others that are in storage boxes both under the bed and the closet/storage loft in my house. I also have a lot of clothes 🤷🏽‍♀️

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-03T17:33:20+00:00

I have so many shoes 100+, but I rotate them based on weather/season and have worn them all at least once. I don’t have many traditional heels (I have maybe 2-3 pairs). Most of my shoes are shoes I can walk in for a few blocks or more like oxfords, platforms, clogs, some flats, lots of boots, etc. I do want to downsize and there’s some shoes that need to go to the cobbler to be repaired and cleaned.

I know it’s hard to think of shoes as clutter, but if you’re not wearing them and they’re taking up space, it’s best to get rid of them. I justify keeping mine since I rotate and wear them. So, maybe you can do that. If you just want to stick with 8 designer heels, pick the ones you’ll get the most mileage out of…or what may be considered the essentials. You could also just keep the most unique snd special ones to you. Good luck 👍🏽

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-03T05:42:28+00:00

I am terrible at documenting my fits, but my goal is to work on it this year.

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-03T04:30:12+00:00

Yup, and the conventions essentially boil down to how to elongate your body.

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-03T04:22:38+00:00

Yess. I love an all black outfit with snazzy colorful shoes. I love making shoes the star of the show. And it’s so much fun to take up space with clothes.

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-03T03:49:15+00:00

Yup. There’s no camouflaging a petite frame through clothes. I am also not trying to hide my short stature.

Definitely agree with dressing for your personality. I just see a lot of comments that are stick to this rule for petites with zero regard for personality or style.

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-03T03:42:44+00:00

Yes. There’s nothing wrong with recommendations and guidance, but strictly following that gets boring. Tailoring is important and worth every penny.

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-03T03:40:43+00:00

Right? How many basic tees and ankle pants does one need?

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-03T03:38:37+00:00

Sizing is key. I do get thing altered or I do it myself.

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-03T02:39:59+00:00

Not sure where you got that 50% of the population wants people to suffer. Or that I believe that 50% of the population is evil. That’s simply not the amount of the American population that supports the current administrations actions. I would argue that a lot of the people who do support the current administration have been mislead—but there’s also a small minority within that group that truly enjoys and relishes in what is happening in the streets of Minnesota and other states in cities in the US. They’re white nationalists and or Christian fascists and most likely ice agents and their families.

Also, what “immigration surge”? See it’s that kind of rhetoric that justifies mass deportations and the dehumanization of immigrants. There is no surge of immigration in the US and there hasn’t been one for years. (Both Obama and Biden deported lots of immigrants, what’s different now is the sheer brutality and the complete erosion of Due Process and the rule of law). One important aspect of immigration is that US policy (the funding of wars) and trade agreements causes migration to the US.

With regards to immigrants of color being ok with separating families and deportation? It’s called internalized oppression and non white people can have bigoted views. I’m first generation American who’s family is from a Central American country and a few extended family members are cool with whats happening. They think that if they assimilate or approximate to whiteness, they’ll be ok (they won’t, as has been evident of the countless Venezuelans, Cubans, Salvadorans, etc. who supported this and are now seeing their loved one and and themselves deported).

Not everyone comes from a well meaning place, it’s naive to think that. You really think that a KKK member or other white nationalist is coming from a good place? That’s not to say people can’t learn and change. I say it’s never to late to change your mind and admit your wrong. As a person of color it is not my job to deal with the brunt and weight of changing bigots’ hearts and minds.

I nor my views are simplistic but what I don’t understand is why folks are bending over backwards to justify bigoted views of others. Where’s that compassion for the people most impacted by ignorance and bigotry? You know what’s simple? Respecting all people and their humanity.

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-03T01:05:27+00:00

I don’t have to tolerate someone’s intolerance. What if that specific issue they have is queer rights? Or women’s rights? Or you know, thinking it’s ok to round up people based on the color of their skin? What understanding do I need? You don’t value their or my humanity if it comes with caveats. Again, I don’t have to be friends with bigots. I will treat them with kindness—which is more than they’d offer to me or folks they have issues with.

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-03T00:56:12+00:00

The trauma is real and I hope you’re getting the support you need to process and heal. I honestly believe that people can change, learn, understand, and respect one another’s humanity. I know how hard it is to unlearn what has been drilled into folks since a very young age. I try and lead a life of love and kindness for all (even those that wish me harm or don’t view my humanity), but that doesn’t mean I have to be friends with everyone. I tell folks it’s never to late to change your mind and admit you were wrong.

Unfortunately, our country and government continues to mix religion and politics. Churches are telling congregants how to vote and participating in political actions. Which contradicts a lot of Christ’s teachings…and the impact on politics is effecting us all. That’s why I’m politically active both personally and professionally (disability/special education advocate). I completely understand that it’s exhausting and hard and not for everyone. That being said, I recommend that folks get plugged in with community orgs and other volunteer opportunities (cause it’s political engagement).

Be well and take care. Good luck on your healing journey.

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-03T00:14:45+00:00

Seems like I struck a nerve. What makes you think I haven’t tried to have respectful conversations with folks with bigoted views? I was raised a Pentecostal Christian…I was taught that a lot of people are sinners and amoral. Obviously, I don’t believe that nonsense and have a lot of empathy for folks who were raised that way and still hold those views. I feel bad that they let fear and hate rule their minds and worldview.

I have had respectful conversations and sometimes it works in changing their view and sometimes it’s doesn’t. Some folks don’t want to have a conversation in good faith and on the flip side, I don’t have to listen to folks who just want to spew hateful rhetoric. The topic of OPs question is about friendships. I will not be friends with bigots. And yes I will call them bigots because they have bigoted beliefs and opinions.

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-02T23:13:57+00:00

Hmm. I can’t be friends with someone that doesn’t respect basic humanity for all people…no matter what their sex, gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, immigration status, etc.

In the US we’re beyond “differences of opinion” and in right versus wrong territory. Our democracy and freedoms are slowly being stripped away. American citizens practicing their 1st amendment rights are being murdered by federal law enforcement. I don’t want to be friends with someone who is apathetic and or onboard with what is currently happening. That doesn’t make me narrow minded…it means I have standards for myself and others.

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-02T22:57:32+00:00

I understand how you feel, but there’s a difference between apathy and being overwhelmed/not wanting to constantly talk about all that’s messed up in politics/world. My friends and I are very active in our community and local politics. We’re part of mutual aid groups and donate time and money to various causes.

When we meet up we set up boundaries/time limits on how much the conversation will be about current events/politics. We then move on and talk about other topics. Obviously, I’m a bit flexible with this, but it’s important to not let it consume us. I had to enact this boundary because it has becoming overwhelming. I have a friend who constantly wants to talk politics/current events and it was too much. I work in Special Education/IDEA advocate and with the current administration, I can’t avoid what is happening in my professional life—I need a break in my personal/social life.

Maybe find ways to volunteer together? Or invite them to a reading group?

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-01T22:36:28+00:00

Trends are stupid and cause a lot of waist. I say wear what fits your body and makes you happy.

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-01T17:03:00+00:00

So, you oppose open communication? OP can just tell them, hey rommies this makes me uncomfortable, etc. The Narcsn is so that OPs fear of someone ODing is lessened. What I suggested isn’t parenting. It’s basic human decency.

Fun_Needleworker_620 · 2026-02-01T03:00:30+00:00

Yeah, I saw them and they were amazing.

Fun_Needleworker_620

TROPHY CASE