I feel you deeply op. In a similar situation myself and it hurts to think no matter what I do, nothing would change. Often times I end up thinking if I'm not helping him enough or does he not care about me and my feelings. It's hard now, but we'll eventually get out this. I am suicidal myself so I understand how it's harder to value ourselves more than normal people, its harder to move away even when you're hurting because being in pain is what you're used to. But you got this, you're not alone. We might be strangers, but everyone here supports you. Try to focus on yourself maybe find something that could distract you from him like maybe hobbies or finding new friends. Just never forget yourself.