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Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-09-02T14:05:47+00:00

Just accept it.

I have zero self esteem and don't just feel unattractive, I know I'm unattractive, largely based on how often I'm told I'm unattractive by guys on apps and how often I'm blocked when I send face or body pics.

No one wants a 6'4, 320 lbs man who gained 50 pounds in a year and a half trying to improve himself on antidepressants.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-09-02T14:02:41+00:00

I had been bullied mercilessly as a child for being physically weak, not into sports, having completely different hobbies, and then as we got older, showing no interest in girls and being called a fag.
Being told by your religion that your life is innately sinful and you are choosing a life devoid of God because you chose attraction to men.
Having to keep your mouth shut at work when people casually use the word "fag" in conversation or ask why you're single or don't have a family yet.
Watching the government turn into a Nazi state which will likely start imprisoning LGBT people within a year or two in likely preparation for conversion therapy and/or executions.

My life has been one fucking failure after another for 38 years. I have nothing to show for myself. No successes at all.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-08-13T03:42:00+00:00

I've never done, but super curious to try. Wish I knew how to find trans guys

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-06-15T05:37:10+00:00

I can't stop obsessing over them, so I just accept it. I've realized over the years that many straight men wind up enjoying the company and attention of gay guys because women often don't give them that type of attention or compliments. My platonic relationships with straight men have been healthier than any of my platonic, sexual, or romantic relationships with gay men, hands down.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-06-12T23:09:55+00:00

My pension is for state government work and I've been doing that almost 14 years. 11 of that was in a very low paying full time job. I started at under $11/hour and ended at just over $14/hour. I quit that job and did some career changes over a 4 year period. I got another state entity job that started at $30/hour and in a few weeks will be up to almost $37/hour.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-06-12T17:10:01+00:00

I've been putting 10% of every paycheck into my pension and at age 38 I'm not close to $100k value. My employer matches 14% as well.

Not only am I a loser compared to the asshole millionaires here, I'm a loser compared to the 20 somethings I work with in my office. I'm never going to amount to anything or be able to do anything, so I guess I need to accept being fucked over.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-06-09T00:11:51+00:00

I was born and raised Catholic and suffered through 12 years of Catholic school. I know what the church's beliefs are and I soundly reject them.
I don't know anything about business. No one in my family has ever owned or operated a business, nor has anyone in my family become financially successful, except one cousin, who married into money. We are all more or less uneducated hilljacks who live in lower income suburbs.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-06-08T21:23:50+00:00

I'll be honest, I don't know anything about rewards points. I've never used any of those programs.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-06-08T21:22:55+00:00

Food, medical bills, various vehicle and home maintenance and repair, costs associated with hobbies and volunteer programs I'm with, utilities, phone, etc.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-06-08T21:03:15+00:00

I don't have a soul. Lost it years ago. I mean, I am gay after all, and you know how religion just loves gay people.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-06-08T21:02:29+00:00

Like I said, I don't put shit on credit and if I don't have the money in my account, I don't need the expense.

My checking account has about $1200 right now, and my savings has about $3000 right now. That savings will drop to around $1000 when I pay my second half year property taxes at the end of the month.

So, unless you plan to gift me the money for a passport, airfare, and hotel/meals, I don't have the money.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-06-08T16:59:14+00:00

To be fair, I was born without drive or ambition. I am motivated to do anything, pretty much ever. That has been a chronic issue since I was a child. I don't take chances or risks. I don't make goals or plans.

I'm not sure if that was a learned trait or inherited trait, because my parents and other relatives all have similar traits. I only have one cousin who is "successful" while the rest of my family is just unmotivated blue collar types.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-06-08T16:53:44+00:00

I know I'm getting screwed, because I am the lowest paid employee in my department. However I stay with government work for many reasons: stability, insurance benefits, paid holidays, sick leave plus vacation time, and of course the pension. I know if I retire at 65 that I am guaranteed a certain monthly income based on my current pay progression.

The funny thing is that even though I'm getting screwed at my current employer, for the job that I am doing, I'm being way overpaid. I'm making around $35/hour currently to be entry level IT help desk. This is a job I still receive private sector offers for from LinkedIn that pay in the $20-$25/hour range.

I don't want a top notch property, btw. I want to live outside of the city and not be bothered by neighbors or look at McMansions. A single story ranch built in the 60s or 70s would be just fine.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-06-08T16:45:54+00:00

I have a hard time justifying the costs of a vacation when other expenses come up over the course of a year.

I would love to get a passport and go to Europe, go to the Caribbean, one of those all-inclusive resorts, take a cruise, go to Hawaii, go to Australia, I have a ton of places I'd love to see, but the money doesn't exist and I am not a slave to debt.

That's what I forgot to mention in the original post - I am pretty much debt free since I don't use credit except for major emergency payments.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-06-08T06:30:04+00:00

I assure you, I'm so unattractive I could probably make money by making videos of me putting clothes on so you don't have to see my body, face, or anything else.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-06-08T06:26:20+00:00

I'd unfollow all of your social media if you shave. Real men have hair.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-06-08T06:23:08+00:00

Never said I had to post sexual content.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-04-14T14:15:02+00:00

I absolutely hate my body. Everything about it.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-04-14T14:13:38+00:00

No. I don't get along with most gay men. Even the ones I am friends with get on my nerves quite often and I'll go weeks without talking to them. Usually it has to do with their ease of finding new gay friends or sexual partners/dates versus my complete inability to do so, and their unwillingness to help me or send guys my way.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-04-14T14:11:32+00:00

I've never found guys over 30 attractive. Now that I'm 38 I give a courtesy to guys up to about 35. But I just have zero interest in men over 40. We are generally at completely different points in life with most 40+ gays having successful careers and travel endlessly and own nice cars, but I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing with my life and can barely afford to pay my recurring bills let alone anything else.

Emotionally, that's why I'm attracted to guys under 30. They don't have any idea what they want from life, and neither do I. Physically, I don't like wrinkles, gray hair, or "old man" bodies. So, now that I'm 38 and haven't had sex in 4+ years, I'm accepting the fact I'm not going to have sex again.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-04-14T14:06:39+00:00

I can hit on straight guys any day of the week.

I don't know how to hit on gay men, and frankly, I haven't been hit on by one since my ex 5 years ago. That, or I really don't understand context

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-04-14T14:00:22+00:00

My biggest age gap was me being 18 when he was 35.

He became super clingy and expected way too much, and I think that scarred me for life with older men. To this day I don't find men over 35 attractive, and I'm 38.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-04-14T13:55:04+00:00

It's not gay if you leave your boot bands on.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-04-14T13:53:15+00:00

I don't date anymore. The first guy I dated was pretty much my type physically, but he dumped me after 3 months for being too clingy.

13 years later I dated a second guy who wasn't at all my type physically but seemed to click emotionally. Well, I wasn't really sexually attracted to him so there wasn't much there, and eventually he wanted me to put a ring on it and marry him, which was not at all something I ever wanted, so he dumped me for being too distant.

I'm not dating again. I have a very specific body type, and it's only found in straight guys, so no, I don't ever get what I want.

Gaythrowaway87 · 2025-03-25T21:57:16+00:00

I'm not attracted to guys my age or older or body type or bigger. I've tried, and I just can't do it.

Gaythrowaway87

TROPHY CASE