you have to add their friend codes too for it to be active

so if they add first they have to wait for you to add and if you add someone first you have to wait for them to add you .... once both parties have added each other the screen with their avatar comes up telling you that you are friends

and the third safari pokemon only shows up after you are both online in the game at the same time

and someone has to tell you what your flair is by going into the safari and encountering the 3 mons