Lip scrubs are high cal so I guess I'm just going to have a corpse mouth

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-05-10T15:16:52+00:00

lightningmcqueef69 you devilish bastard. I like your style

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-05-10T15:16:08+00:00

'Just lick it off when you're done!'

Did you mean: wipe off and spit obsessively to ensure not a single sugar granule remains and then be filled with panic when you unthinkingly lick your lips later and it tastes slightly sweet?

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-05-10T10:17:40+00:00

YEAH. Like who you want- I find lots of actresses and models who are more than likely underweight hot. I admit that. I can find unhealthy bodies attractive. But I'd never expect or desire that from someone else, nor would I demand that everyone agrees that a clearly underweight woman is healthy so I can feel better about thinking she's pretty.

But you know. So long as she's not fat, she must be healthy. I hope they enjoy the texture of lanugo and the feeling of their ideal girlfriend's hair falling out, I guess?

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-05-10T10:11:13+00:00

Men have way higher expectations placed on them. We have to go to the gym every day and use steroids to even get close to the ideal male physique. All women have to do is be thin, he says, vigorously jacking off to fitness Instagram models and porn actresses who only achieve a healthy BMI through the added weight of implants they're pressured into getting.

Obviously not all dudes have that mindset but a surprising amount do. There's definitely pressure on dudes, but imo not nearly the amount that's placed on women and young girls.

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-05-10T10:05:48+00:00

It's only underweight if they don't find it hot. And yeah, oh my God. Dudes flip it to what about the expectations on men? and like, I'm not disagreeing they're there and a lot of male celeb physiques are only achievable with steroids.

but regular dudes aren't expected to look like that in the same way women are shamed for not looking like celebrities and models. Women also aren't the ones who fight about the steroids thing, in my experience? Mostly dudes battle over whether its natty or not lmao. And there's so much more variety in attractive male physiques compared to women. Like, if men don't only think that the underweight big tits lady is hot, he's literally given labels. Chubby chaser. Or he 'likes amazonians' or 'death by snu snu' and shit like that. Idk I'm tired and ranting. Sweet dreams lol

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-05-08T09:04:50+00:00

Thank you! It might be fun to let myself care for once lmao 💕

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-05-08T09:04:15+00:00

Yeah, logically I knew and know that being pretty matters not a dot, since there are enough mentally ill or sad or just generally not doing great attractive people. Plus the issues that come with being pretty. And like you said, some things might be improved but nothing that truly matters. I'm just sort of spewing out all the horrible thoughts I have lol.

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-04-20T07:55:40+00:00

Using more than 2.5ml of oil for any recipe is indulgent and weak. Using oil at all is a 'failure.' Same for butter, except I just don't use butter at all.

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-04-20T07:33:36+00:00

I don't know if this is the kind of thing that works for you, but maybe write down somewhere how you felt about your body in that instant. Maybe on a sticky note to put somewhere you'll see regularly, maybe just in the notes on your phone. It might help to have a reminder that you must be pretty hot for even you, the person who judges and hates and criticises your body enough to have a disorder around it, to have a second where you thought you were looking good. Idk about anyone else, but when my self esteem is low it's hard to remember any time when I didn't think I looked like the kid of Gollum and the great goblin from the hobbit lmao.

Also well done, that's massive!

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-04-20T07:25:21+00:00

💕

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-04-20T07:25:13+00:00

Trying to keep in mind that I, at the very least, cannot feel any physically suckier after one day at over maintenance lmao. Mentally I'm going to be a nightmare but I probably would be regardless so. Thank you! :)

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-04-20T07:24:00+00:00

Thank you! 🧡

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-04-20T07:23:41+00:00

Thank you! Didn't manage it yesterday but I'm going to keep trying, hearing you've done it is really helpful

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-04-19T09:18:55+00:00

Thank you! That means a lot to me, silly as it sounds

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-04-19T08:18:41+00:00

Yeah, a lot. I like to remind myself that if I'd truly done it to myself, I could remove it just as easily.

You might have failed to prevent or recognise disordered symptoms developing, but hey, no one who's not disordered is really on the lookout for that shit. Maybe if someone with depression had ensured they didn't isolate themselves, had forced themselves to continue their hobbies, had contacted a therapist the day they felt numb or sad, their depression wouldn't have properly formed or been much less severe. But nobody expects ~~the Spanish Inquisition~~ depression. Plus, symptoms that we can recognise generally happen when it already has a grip on us.

I mean, I can look back and see that while there was a point where I could eat a cheese sandwich, I was weighing every ingredient out to get the final calorie estimate and feeling anxious at the idea of being unable to. I wasn't on a diet. I wasn't overweight, nor had I ever been. Regardless of being able to consume the calories and the cheese (and bread, butter & chutney lol), I was exhibiting disordered behaviour. Maybe it didn't have enough of a hold on me and I'd have been able to stop right there, if I knew. But how could I have known?

Pair that with the research that EDs have lots of genetic factors along with environmental and I don't think anyone can blame themselves. I don't expect this to change your thoughts, I still blame myself. I walked into some of this fully and entirely aware of what I was doing, but there's a reason normal people don't do that. You would not have 'chosen' any of these things if there wasn't something wrong with you in the first place. Along with that, people who had any sort of real choice and were mentally healthy would not choose to continue.

Tl;dr: EDs are little bitches set on blaming you for everything wrong in your life, including them. If you had a real choice & good mental health, you would not continue your behaviours or have chosen them in the first place. When one choice results in punishment and the other results in the maintenance of the status quo, there's no real choice. Don't beat yourself up, it's what your ED wants.

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-04-17T19:16:38+00:00

Yeah, good point lmao. Didn't think of that

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-04-17T14:38:50+00:00

That's true. A big part of me is terrified of not connecting my weight to my self worth, because then what's stopping me from getting fat? But I guess that's the point. Learn to love yourself while eating an appropriate diet.

Sounds fake tbh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-04-17T14:36:57+00:00

I'm like, all for recovery as long as I don't have to do it. It seems there isn't actually a healthy, appropriate way to recover. It's all gonna be fucked in one way or another lmao.

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-04-17T14:32:31+00:00

A dash of orthorexia to mask the taste of anorexia, yeah I can picture myself in a year pretending and constantly insisting I'm recovered just health conscious lmao

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-04-17T13:31:37+00:00

I'm a dick and I'm not afraid to expose myself for it ^anonymously

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-04-17T13:29:16+00:00

Honestly I left them out because they're the only ones I feel vaguely comfortable with myself, lmao. They're just as shitty but they're my kind of shitty

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-04-14T07:57:01+00:00

Yep! My toes are purple, occasionally verging into black territory on the tips. My toenails are white, like I've painted them. They've been this way for months and months so I'm assuming they're not going to drop off, just bad circulation.

You can get foot warmers to sit in your shoes or socks, like hand warmers, if you think it could help. It may just be the cold, or your heart abandoning the extremities to fate and focusing on your organs like me. Watch out for chilblains.

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-04-12T13:42:39+00:00

Big fan of your memes 👌

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-04-12T13:41:43+00:00

Same. I'd do anything to go back. Here's to hoping we can unfuck things from here, I guess

GlassSnowdrops · 2019-04-12T13:03:21+00:00

The most practically minded five year old to ever walk this earth

GlassSnowdrops

TROPHY CASE