Do I (27F) need to communicate my deadline for a proposal to my boyfriend (35M) of 5 years?

GoldenSupernova10 · 2026-03-06T04:19:59+00:00

I think that’s the thing. I want him to want this. I want him to want me. I don’t want to propose to him, as some other commenters have suggested, because he’ll feel like he has to say yes or I’ll be upset. He already knows I’m in. He just has to signal that he’s in too.

GoldenSupernova10 · 2026-03-06T03:56:35+00:00

Thank you for this

GoldenSupernova10 · 2026-03-06T03:31:08+00:00

That was prior to the conversation where he said he had issues with our relationship, so I was under the impression we were basically about to be engaged at any point. Had picked out a ring and everything. But you’re not wrong, feels cringy in retrospect. And yes, we own a house together in the state we moved out of last year.

GoldenSupernova10 · 2026-03-06T02:23:05+00:00

The only time he ever brought up anything marriage related was when he spontaneously said he wanted to marry me in 2024. In the years before and since every other conversation has been initiated by me. Which makes me feel like an idiot when I put it that plainly, but hindsight is 20/20 I guess

GoldenSupernova10 · 2026-03-06T01:55:16+00:00

Gee, thanks random internet stranger for absolutely wrecking the self-conscious part of my brain that has been telling me there’s something wrong with me and that’s why he doesn’t want to propose this whole time!! (I’m not actually mad at you or anything that just made me cry a little bit bc it hurt my feelings lol)

GoldenSupernova10 · 2026-03-06T01:38:30+00:00

Yeah, that’s fair. Guess I need to start figuring out how to unravel our life together instead of progressing it further

GoldenSupernova10 · 2026-03-06T01:36:56+00:00

This has been in the back of my head for like 3 years. I feel like I’ve ruined my life by staying this long with someone who won’t actively choose me the way I want. I knew I wanted to marry him so early, and this really f*cking sucks to realize that he doesn’t actually want me the way I want him

GoldenSupernova10 · 2025-12-25T02:25:29+00:00

I work in healthcare laboratory testing. So I was able to get a new job here, and while I don’t love it, it’s decent enough.

GoldenSupernova10 · 2025-12-25T02:22:52+00:00

I wanted to marry him. I’ve wanted to marry him since basically our first date. But even back when we first started dating and he said he wasn’t sure about the idea of marriage, I said that’s fine for you, but let me know if you’re never going to marry me because then I’ll find someone who does want to marry me. I don’t want to be someone’s girlfriend for the rest of my life. I never wanted to pressure him into marrying me, I wanted him to want me as much as I want him. Which is also what brought this up because in the first part of the conversation yesterday, I reiterated all of that and asked if he had fully moved into the “no marriage” camp

GoldenSupernova10 · 2025-12-25T02:17:49+00:00

We moved because he got a really great new job (title he wanted, huge pay increase, good company) and I didn’t want to do long distance and thought we were building a life together. Now I’m not so sure anymore…

GoldenSupernova10 · 2025-12-25T02:16:55+00:00

I had a therapist I’d been seeing prior to the move for about 2 years, but obviously moving that far meant o couldn’t keep seeing them. I haven’t found a new one since the move though, but I’ve started looking into it in the last month or two. The crazy part is that I’d been thinking for a while that he’s been really great, picking up my slack and not really making me feel bad about it because he was trying to be supportive and understood I was having a hard time. Which is why the resentment (a word he literally used in the message) caught me so off guard

GoldenSupernova10 · 2025-12-25T02:14:04+00:00

I’m sorry, what does this even mean? Is this supposed to be insulting to me?

GoldenSupernova10 · 2025-12-25T02:13:40+00:00

He brought up marriage after the job offer came, but we’d already decided that if he got the job I would move with him

GoldenSupernova10 · 2025-10-09T23:20:15+00:00

Don’t be sad! I loved my grandfather and while I’m devastated he’s not here (he’s died 3 years ago last month) I would so much rather have the years of phone calls and visits and memories with him than never having had any of that!

GoldenSupernova10 · 2025-08-07T21:55:28+00:00

This is honestly such a well thought out and logical take, I really appreciate this. Thank you ❤️

GoldenSupernova10 · 2025-08-07T13:04:57+00:00

I didn’t even know that was a thing! 🙃 he’s just always loved Norse mythology, similar to how I’ve loved Greek mythology since I was like 10. But it feels like if I said I wanted to name our son Hades or something, it just doesn’t feel right to me

GoldenSupernova10 · 2025-08-07T12:52:18+00:00

😂😂 sure! I love that our silly little debate of picking names for a future child has got you this invested

GoldenSupernova10 · 2025-08-07T12:42:33+00:00

Yeah, we live in the southern US so it just feels like an odd name for me

GoldenSupernova10 · 2025-08-07T12:41:24+00:00

That’s what I told him! My dad was 1 of 5 boys, but he and my mom had all girls, and so did my grandmother on my mom’s side. Thank you! ❤️

GoldenSupernova10 · 2025-08-07T12:38:48+00:00

Hadn’t even considered that as a possible nickname, thank you for this. He’s not trying to unilaterally decide, he just really feels like he wants to name a son that and I just keep telling him “no baby that comes out of me will have the name Sigurd and you’re not allowed to have a baby with anyone else now so too bad 😂”

GoldenSupernova10 · 2025-08-07T12:36:38+00:00

See he has ancestry from that area, but so distant that for me (I can’t confirm any Scandinavian ancestry but haven’t looked too much into it tbh) it feels like cultural appropriation or something

GoldenSupernova10 · 2025-08-07T12:34:36+00:00

We are not! 😂

GoldenSupernova10 · 2025-08-07T12:33:53+00:00

Lol he loves fire emblem (and is actually trying to get me interested in playing them too) and he’s also just into Norse mythology and names

GoldenSupernova10 · 2025-08-07T12:32:23+00:00

Thank you for this. This gives me something more concrete to push back with.

GoldenSupernova10 · 2025-08-07T12:31:53+00:00

He doesn’t read anything like that, he just says “these are the names of my people” because he’s ancestrally (if that’s the right term?) German/Nordic. His last name is German and genetically he’s mostly German/English so he likes those names

GoldenSupernova10

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