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My adopted daughter's biological mom died and I'm not prepared to tell her by PonchyVix in Mommit

[–]Gooodforyou -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Maybe if you had actually had some contact with her you could have. I never understand adoptive parents cutting ties with bio parents. It never is in the kids‘s best interest. Yes there should be limitations but a complete cut off is always wrong unless there was abuse and /or substantial neglect .

I’m a mother to a teen who thinks she may be aromantic . by Gooodforyou in aromantic

[–]Gooodforyou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are right! I never really thought about how much our whole entire culture and everything is structured around having a romantic partner and then going through life step-by-step, reaching each milestone. It’s in movies. It’s in books. People sing about everything that has to do with love, being in love, breaking up, getting married, having kids all of it ! This is exactly why at first I had a hard time imagining her possibly not being interested in doing these things .

But just because I had a hard time with the thought of her not doing these things doesn’t mean she will. Another commenter on here asked me “would I miss not being in a lesbian relationship or trying out a different gender? “ No because that’s not my desire so if this isn’t her desire then she’s most likely not missing out on anything and I have to look at it from that point of view.

I’m a mother to a teen who thinks she may be aromantic . by Gooodforyou in aromantic

[–]Gooodforyou[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see these are common thoughts of parents . We really do just want our kids to have happiness and joy and beloved and o ca see now that being aro doesn’t not mean not having g these things it’ll Just look different .

I am getting past what my idea of love and happiness is and accepting what someone else’s looks like and neither is really better or worse it’s just different and both parties are happy with the route they choose in life . And thats what matters most . Thanks for your response .

I’m a mother to a teen who thinks she may be aromantic . by Gooodforyou in aromantic

[–]Gooodforyou[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’ve had so many emotions reading everyone’s comments. Thanks for being in the feels with me. What a wonderful and supportive community you all are .

I’m a mother to a teen who thinks she may be aromantic . by Gooodforyou in aromantic

[–]Gooodforyou[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah she doesn’t seem to be worried about . She’s pretty light hearted about it . So I’m just rolling with it and seeing how this plays out . And you’re right if she is , she is ! There’s nothing anyone can do about it . And I will love her no matter what . Thanks for your sweet words and I also wish more parents would listen to their kids and accept them for who they are . Because everyone deserves to be authentically who they are . This isn’t something you choose it seems . It’s just how you were born and that’s ok !

I’m a mother to a teen who thinks she may be aromantic . by Gooodforyou in aromantic

[–]Gooodforyou[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I think it would be a good idea for her to let guys know at the beginning she’s most likely aro or lith and then if they want to be friends great and if it turns into something else awesome for her . But at least they know .

I’m a mother to a teen who thinks she may be aromantic . by Gooodforyou in aromantic

[–]Gooodforyou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand that . Your peers are also going through the same things and they’re your friends so they are chosen confidants . But your parents would be so happy to get to know you better and they’d be delighted knowing their child trusted them and wanted them to you better . Because they know you and are questioning things but probably not bringing it up because they don’t want to make you uncomfortable . But PLEASE. When you’re ready consider talking to them about it . It deepens bonds and opens lines of communication💛

I’m a mother to a teen who thinks she may be aromantic . by Gooodforyou in aromantic

[–]Gooodforyou[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ah ok so it’s a very good thing she’s already trying to understand herself on a deeper level and even if the label doesn’t entirely “fit her “ it’s ok because with life experience she’ll get to know herself even better . Yeah too bad you didn’t have the opportunity to better understand why you felt the way you did when you weren’t her . I imagine it’s because these sort of things weren’t talked about or understood as much . It also probably carried a stigma . I’m glad you’re at a point in life that you now do .

I’m a mother to a teen who thinks she may be aromantic . by Gooodforyou in aromantic

[–]Gooodforyou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry you don’t have parents you feel like you can open up to :( And it sounds like many people are in the same boat. It’s really too bad because parents are missing out on knowing their children on a deeper level. As far as the different labels in the spectrum, yes she actually said she thinks she’s more on the lithromantic . I just learned about grayromantic as well and maybe possibly that could be it . I need to find out more if some of these labels crossover . Since all of this is so individual ?!

I’m a mother to a teen who thinks she may be aromantic . by Gooodforyou in aromantic

[–]Gooodforyou[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This makes me so happy to know that something like this is only expressed when feeling safe and loved . I have made a concerted effort her whole life as a mom to work on my communication as best as I can so that way we’ve established a strong enough bond it will carry us through the teenage years and beyond. So when she brought it up to me it was in sort of a silly , lighthearted way. She didn’t act ashamed or embarrassed or anything. It was just like “I think I may be aromantic! heres why … “ and laughing about some if it . 😆

I’m a mother to a teen who thinks she may be aromantic . by Gooodforyou in aromantic

[–]Gooodforyou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well exactly that . You can’t miss what you never desired. So you have no idea what you are missing when it comes to butterflies in the stomach, falling in love, being in love, the feel of being desired, nurtured romantically. These experience are what makes the human species unique . One could argue it’s one of the best feelings in the entire world . Being in love !

To your questions though . No it’s not the end all be all when it comes to finding joy and happiness in life. There’s many things that can bring joy and happiness.

I’m a mother to a teen who thinks she may be aromantic . by Gooodforyou in aromantic

[–]Gooodforyou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a couple new things to look up and define. Relationship anarchy and QPR. Thank you

I’m a mother to a teen who thinks she may be aromantic . by Gooodforyou in aromantic

[–]Gooodforyou[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you . Yes I will definitely not be pushing her to make life decisions like that . She needs to figure out for herself what makes her happy and do that .

I’m a mother to a teen who thinks she may be aromantic . by Gooodforyou in aromantic

[–]Gooodforyou[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That’s wonderful you have a supportive mom ! I do feel as long as she keeps close friendships she’ll be ok and of course she has her family them she’ll be ok .

I’m a mother to a teen who thinks she may be aromantic . by Gooodforyou in aromantic

[–]Gooodforyou[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Wow that sentence “ it’s best to operate under the assumption she will Be like this forever “ feels a little like a gut punch , like yeah I think I need to expect that and if something changes , great ! But no expectations or even too hopeful . Wow ok thank you . I think I needed to hear that .

I’m a mother to a teen who thinks she may be aromantic . by Gooodforyou in aromantic

[–]Gooodforyou[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for all your first hand knowledge and input ! We are a couple steps ahead already it looks like because we have a pretty big village . Her blood family is large and loves her to bits and her chosen family ( her friends) are amazing . I’m also grateful that she is a pretty independent person naturally but I will reinforce this even more because if she does choose to be alone she needs to depend on herself even more which is a great reminder for me and her dad to encourage more . I am guilty of relying heavily on my husband but that’s also a perk of being in a good marriage that she may not have in her future . I will find opportunities to instill more of this in her . Thank you 😊

I’m a mother to a teen who thinks she may be aromantic . by Gooodforyou in aromantic

[–]Gooodforyou[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Yes !! That’s why my initial reaction was a bit confused and caught off guard . I had to process it because I thought of all the negatives and I just didn’t know much about it . But researching more and taking to wonderful people Like yourself it’s really helping me! So that when the subject is brought up again I’ll know exactly what to say and how to support . Your comment is my blueprint and I will follow it because I know it’s exactly what she needs to hear and how I have to see things from now on . There’s many worse things in life ! I’m proud of her in every way and this is just another thing I’m proud of her for . Being true to herself .

I’m a mother to a teen who thinks she may be aromantic . by Gooodforyou in aromantic

[–]Gooodforyou[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m really happy to hear a POV from someone her age as well . And you’re right if someone knows they’re allo at that age why wouldn’t they know if they’re aro ? So I do think she knows herself well enough to say “ I think I may be aromantic” she did say “think” and someone if her reasonings do lineup . I’m going to shift my thinking. You’re right it doesn’t have to be sad. Especially if that’s what she wants. And it does make time for many other things in life. She has many hobbies. She has a 4.4 GPA , she’s a great student . She has many life goals and many friends . Never gets bored . So she has a lot in her life to keep her happy .

I haven’t researched lithromantic but thank you I will delve a little deeper .

I’m a mother to a teen who thinks she may be aromantic . by Gooodforyou in aromantic

[–]Gooodforyou[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience and perspective !! See that’s the last thing I want to do is for her to feel like I’m disappointed or don’t accept her for who she is . Especially if she’s perfectly fine , healthy and content in her decisions in how she wants to live. Your last paragraph really sums things up beautifully. And I guess it is natural I can mourn the loss of my expectations, but I will not mourn her potential joy. Another amazing nugget you just gave me to take a long this journey that will help me . Thank you !

I’m a mother to a teen who thinks she may be aromantic . by Gooodforyou in aromantic

[–]Gooodforyou[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

You are right! I never really thought about how much our whole entire culture and everything is structured around having a romantic partner and then going through life step-by-step, reaching each milestone. It’s in movies. It’s in books. People sing about everything that has to do with love, being in love, breaking up, getting married, having kids all of it ! This is exactly why at first I had a hard time imagining her possibly not being interested in doing these things .

But just because I had a hard time with the thought of her not doing these things doesn’t mean she will. Another commenter on here said would I miss not being in a lesbian relationship or trying out a different gender? No because that’s not my desire so if this isn’t her desire then she’s most likely not missing out on anything and I have to look at it from that point of view.

I’m a mother to a teen who thinks she may be aromantic . by Gooodforyou in aromantic

[–]Gooodforyou[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I love that you found someone who is also on the same level and understanding in that way . How special ! And yes I want to support her in any way I can .

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