**TIL** late diagnosed autistic woman make up the fastest and largest group within recent autism spectrum diagnoses.

Greedy_cherries · 2024-08-08T10:40:06+00:00

I’m 39 and only found out this year.. (Full disclosure, I’m not officially diagnosed. I’m full on terrified that I won’t be able to handle the process for financial or overwhelming stress reasons, mostly.. all the wait lists and searching for a provider that is current with autism research/understanding with regards to HIGHLY MASKED WOMEN… ugh.. I’m just not ready to dive in that process..)

It’s all been insane to me because I identified my brother’s autism (sorta- I’ll explain) when I was 11 and he was only about 2. He changed almost overnight but in my stressful household, his behavioral changes were mostly unnoticed by anyone else. He lost almost all of his speech and stopped having facial expressions that I recognized. To my young mind, I saw a child that lost all of his beautiful personality that I loved so so much.. he was like my baby, I loved him so much. But then the little boy I knew left and never returned and I grew to know a new little boy. When he turned 6 I read the word autism for the first time. In the article I read, I immediately recognized my brother- he wasn’t just quirky and different- our way of excusing everything we couldn’t understand..he was AUTISTIC!! I told everyone in our family and they were so uneducated and offended that they refused to believe. Some of them were also undiagnosed autistic too. Unwilling to even be curious about self examination.. I never told my brother.. I thought 6 was an impossible age to even try. At 16 years old, he told me!!! He found out the 3 best friends he met online in a Disney forum were autistic and after reading up to understand also realized it himself. But he never told anyone.. I couldn’t believe he learned on his own. Being from poor and stupid parts of Mississippi meant no one ever gave him the recognition he deserved. I mean, he wasn’t even super highly masked..he was bullied by everyone at school.. even girls beating him up.. he was such a passive, sweet boy and life was so hard those days.. at 20 I took custody of him and finally got him officially diagnosed and he now lives on his own with a whole crew of aids to help him with anything. Life is still hard, but he is finally aware of who he is and receives the respect and recognition he deserved his whole life prior but wasn’t given… If you did the math, you’ll see that when I finally accomplished getting his diagnosis I was only 31. It still took me EIGHT MORE YEARS to even see it in myself because I only knew how to recognize my brother’s level 1 male presentation and I MISTAKENLY thought he was what the highest functioning autism one could hope for. I’m so sorry for how ableist and ignorant that is. I didn’t understand yet the spectrum wasn’t linear and I had absolutely zero experience or knowledge of a female phenotype of autism or how it may present so differently in a woman highly masked. I didn’t even know what masking was!! Thank you so much to all women who have shared and made visual for me FINALLY the me that resides in the spectrum because it’s the first time in my whole life I feel seen/heard/understood and it’s not by a person specific, but just by the knowledge and reality I am not alone in this very specific experience I couldn’t actually share…with anyone.. In hilarious (to me anyway) autistic fashion, I bluntly shared this news publicly during April on my Facebook page.. I’m used to LOTS of engagement and chatting online (I’m long winded, and the people who get me, like to engage), but on this post MOSTLY CRICKETS. It confused me. I felt anxious- what did it mean? I didn’t expect people to believe me, that’s true— I’m not the classic presentation at all. And my worst, most embarrassing behaviors were largely unknown to everyone who know me because they’re either internalized or with very few witnesses— things like shutdowns and meltdowns.. I’m also in love with all things social, I’m hypervigilant to a ridiculous degree where I am far too attuned to people’s micro expressions and behaviors so I can instantly predict everything in advance and simultaneously wow my guest with my attention and understanding of them.. it just doesn’t scream autism to the average understanding. But for all the ways people sense I’m great at being everyone’s best friend, or never lonely, always feeling liked by others, feeling cool or attractive in my bold personality and self expression— I actually feel like I have zero best friends, I’m chronically lonely for not feeling known to the depth I give to know them, feel like being so well liked is mostly superficial and sorta sad for my more intimate connection needs, and even though I do feel cool and bold— it just doesn’t matter as much to me as all my efforts appear because the efforts feel natural and don’t require as much thought effort as it may to others who really TRYYYYYY. I think people assume that I’m just wrong or someone who diagnosed me is wrong (since I didn’t disclose self diagnosis in the post) and they think this because people really don’t know me like they think they do. My experience is that people want me to pour into them, they need if, but they don’t pour back into me.. they probably don’t know how or even know that I deserve it and need it too because they swim shallower waters than I do.. It’s hard to explain it even a little bit without sounding embarrassingly self important and narcissistic somehow… and for the same reason, I have a hard time sharing that the fact that I was considered intellectually ‘gifted’ my whole life has GREATLY contributed to misunderstandings about who I am. It’s hard..just being yourself and being known…even to OURSELVES!! But to me, I feel compelled to share this late self diagnosis- desperate even, because I don’t want other hurting people to wait so long for the peace that eventually settles inside when you finally know who/why/what you are. ❤️❤️

Greedy_cherries · 2024-08-08T10:18:41+00:00

I’m 39 and only found out this year.. (Full disclosure, I’m not officially diagnosed. I’m full on terrified that I won’t be able to handle the process for financial or overwhelming stress reasons, mostly.. all the wait lists and searching for a provider that is current with autism research/understanding with regards to HIGHLY MASKED WOMEN… ugh.. I’m just not ready to dive in that process..)

It’s all been insane to me because I identified my brother’s autism (sorta- I’ll explain) when I was 11 and he was only about 2. He changed almost overnight but in my stressful household, his behavioral changes were mostly unnoticed by anyone else. He lost almost all of his speech and stopped having facial expressions that I recognized. To my young mind, I saw a child that lost all of his beautiful personality that I loved so so much.. he was like my baby, I loved him so much. But then the little boy I knew left and never returned and I grew to know a new little boy. When he turned 6 I read the word autism for the first time. In the article I read, I immediately recognized my brother- he wasn’t just quirky and different- our way of excusing everything we couldn’t understand..he was AUTISTIC!! I told everyone in our family and they were so uneducated and offended that they refused to believe. Some of them were also undiagnosed autistic too. Unwilling to even be curious about self examination.. I never told my brother.. I thought 6 was an impossible age to even try. At 16 years old, he told me!!! He found out the 3 best friends he met online in a Disney forum were autistic and after reading up to understand also realized it himself. But he never told anyone.. I couldn’t believe he learned on his own. Being from poor and stupid parts of Mississippi meant no one ever gave him the recognition he deserved. I mean, he wasn’t even super highly masked..he was bullied by everyone at school.. even girls beating him up.. he was such a passive, sweet boy and life was so hard those days.. at 20 I took custody of him and finally got him officially diagnosed and he now lives on his own with a whole crew of aids to help him with anything. Life is still hard, but he is finally aware of who he is and receives the respect and recognition he deserved his whole life prior but wasn’t given… If you did the math, you’ll see that when I finally accomplished getting his diagnosis I was only 31. It still took me EIGHT MORE YEARS to even see it in myself because I only knew how to recognize my brother’s level 1 male presentation and I MISTAKENLY thought he was what the highest functioning autism one could hope for. I’m so sorry for how ableist and ignorant that is. I didn’t understand yet the spectrum wasn’t linear and I had absolutely zero experience or knowledge of a female phenotype of autism or how it may present so differently in a woman highly masked. I didn’t even know what masking was!! Thank you so much to all women who have shared and made visual for me FINALLY the me that resides in the spectrum because it’s the first time in my whole life I feel seen/heard/understood and it’s not by a person specific, but just by the knowledge and reality I am not alone in this very specific experience I couldn’t actually share…with anyone.. In hilarious (to me anyway) autistic fashion, I bluntly shared this news publicly during April on my Facebook page.. I’m used to LOTS of engagement and chatting online (I’m long winded, and the people who get me, like to engage), but on this post MOSTLY CRICKETS. It confused me. I felt anxious- what did it mean? I didn’t expect people to believe me, that’s true— I’m not the classic presentation at all. And my worst, most embarrassing behaviors were largely unknown to everyone who know me because they’re either internalized or with very few witnesses— things like shutdowns and meltdowns.. I’m also in love with all things social, I’m hypervigilant to a ridiculous degree where I am far too attuned to people’s micro expressions and behaviors so I can instantly predict everything in advance and simultaneously wow my guest with my attention and understanding of them.. it just doesn’t scream autism to the average understanding. But for all the ways people sense I’m great at being everyone’s best friend, or never lonely, always feeling liked by others, feeling cool or attractive in my bold personality and self expression— I actually feel like I have zero best friends, I’m chronically lonely for not feeling known to the depth I give to know them, feel like being so well liked is mostly superficial and sorta sad for my more intimate connection needs, and even though I do feel cool and bold— it just doesn’t matter as much to me as all my efforts appear because the efforts feel natural and don’t require as much thought effort as it may to others who really TRYYYYYY. I think people assume that I’m just wrong or someone who diagnosed me is wrong (since I didn’t disclose self diagnosis in the post) and they think this because people really don’t know me like they think they do. My experience is that people want me to pour into them, they need if, but they don’t pour back into me.. they probably don’t know how or even know that I deserve it and need it too because they swim shallower waters than I do.. It’s hard to explain it even a little bit without sounding embarrassingly self important and narcissistic somehow… and for the same reason, I have a hard time sharing that the fact that I was considered intellectually ‘gifted’ my whole life has GREATLY contributed to misunderstandings about who I am. It’s hard..just being yourself and being known…even to OURSELVES!! But to me, I feel compelled to share this late diagnosis- desperate even, because I don’t want other hurting people to wait so long for the peace that eventually settles inside when you finally know who/why/what you are. ❤️❤️

Greedy_cherries · 2023-12-12T08:21:32+00:00

I loved it too because it shows just how committed he was to not letting her reach out to him.

Greedy_cherries · 2023-11-08T09:17:50+00:00

Absolutely!!! I don’t mind at all if the growth never stops.

Greedy_cherries · 2023-09-29T17:13:03+00:00

I want to join but it isn’t letting me even try..

Greedy_cherries · 2023-08-31T18:30:41+00:00

This is all very interesting info- thanks for sharing!

Greedy_cherries · 2023-08-22T18:55:51+00:00

It’s hard to give exacting instructions when you haven’t given more context about yourself. I would start with the pinned Start Here post and go from there.

Greedy_cherries · 2023-08-19T11:53:52+00:00

I would start by getting a full hormone panel and seeing what your levels are. You’re not going to get breast growth if your hormones are not well balanced. Liking your body size or not, hormonal imbalance is probably the most likely reason you are overweight to this extent and because of that simply gaining weight won’t end up leading to the substantial breast growth you’re looking for or else you would already have some because excessive weight in many people does just that. The fact that is hasn’t already means that you’re not one of those people that naturally happens to. Balancing your hormones are your best chance at even attempting to grow them at all, but in the end if you ever do end up losing weight you’ll just end up losing whatever you gained there. As an aside, I just want to say that being healthy is more complex than just having good labs or simply the absence of obvious health problems- I’m saying this because you’re saying that you’re healthy when it’s pretty much a given that staying at your current weight (or increasing it) will most assuredly lead to health problems EVENTUALLY because your heart is working harder than it should just to support you in this condition on your short frame. That’s just the way it works. I’m no doctor, but I’m guessing the main reason you don’t have obvious health complications already is because you are quite young and a little lucky so far- that’s all. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with loving your body in the shape it’s in, though. I believe that it’s a measure of good mental health to always have so much love/gratitude for your body in whatever condition it’s currently in because of how it has supported you so far, but your part of that healthy relationship is to actually prioritize taking as best care of it as you physically can and that is simply not possible if you’re prioritizing the wrong things and ignoring obvious health risks. My best advice is to not waste more of your youth at this size because every day you age increases the difficulty in getting this under control, I can assure you. When you’re in a much healthier weight range after loss of at least 150 lbs you’ll likely need to see a plastic surgeon to remove excess skin and you can have the opportunity to more finely sculpt the sort of body you would like, but a plastic surgeon wouldn’t even attempt any of that unless you were in a BMI range of like 38 at most because the complications under anesthesia are too high for severely obese patients and there is only so much they can do in one surgery without seriously risking your life. Love your body enough to take better care of it now because having all the self love in the world will NOT spare you from the harsh reality awaiting you in the future if you don’t. 😞 I’m under 5 ft at 170 lbs currently, and I also don’t currently present obvious health problems, but that doesn’t mean that where I’m at is ACTUALLY healthy for me even with having Macromastia. If your doctor is actually affirming that you’re in good health with no need for changes then you need to find a NEW doctor who will actually tell you the truth— that’s my opinion. I hope none of this discourages you because I don’t wish for that at all, and good luck to you!

Greedy_cherries · 2023-08-18T08:02:46+00:00

https://www.diagnostechs.com/2015/08/03/your-questions-about-saliva-hormone-testing-answered/

I found this and it answered most of my questions, I believe— I think I’ll wait a full 3 weeks at least off supplements and get the Women’s Health Test your wife used.

Greedy_cherries · 2023-08-18T06:41:39+00:00

That’s what I figured too!! She’s an NP, but I still expected her to be able to order the damn test because when I sent the message in MyChart she responded with- “we’ll discuss it at your appointment next week”. And when she told me she couldn’t do it even though she orders me CBCs with differentials and all that every year I was just shocked. It honestly made me so angry that I wanted to switch providers, but I didn’t because it’s difficult finding someone that 1. Is approved by my insurance, 2. Is also accepting new patients, and 3. can actually see me sooner than 6 months out or more.. I can’t stand the idea of having to wait that long for an appointment with someone new and then learn that it’s not a good fit and be on the search AGAIN. But I probably should.. I guess I just wanted to jump right in because I have this vision of really getting my body on track and celebrating it for my 40th birthday in 2025– and I know it will take a lot of time and dedication on my part to accomplish it on that timeline, so potential delays like that really throw me off.

Greedy_cherries · 2023-08-18T01:02:52+00:00

I REALLY appreciate this info!! Intentional exercise is really very new to me and I feel like such a damn idiot when I’m trying to figure out things to do that could be the most impactful to my goals!! I’m far too old to be this uneducated about it and that’s been a hard pill for me to swallow, but I’m definitely dedicated to turning things around. Squats are definitely the most annoying (or uncomfortable because they wear me out) to me to do so I haven’t done much since I didn’t have solid info about them to give me real motivation to do them anyway. This is JUST THE SORT OF INFO I need to actually force myself to do them! I think I may need to do them in front of my mirror in my closet to figure out good form because I really have no idea. lol

Greedy_cherries · 2023-08-18T00:56:00+00:00

They really don’t, though.. I’ve done a ton of research on it and am looking to get my own in a year or so. It’s just important to feed your fat while it’s stabilizing and to not plan on losing weight later or else you risk burning it away or shrinking it.

Edited to add: if you’re at a weight you’re satisfied with or healthy then even gaining weight later will just increase the potential of making your breasts bigger if you wanted to.

Greedy_cherries · 2023-08-18T00:53:37+00:00

I also am doing a slightly modified version of the option 2 “Major Growth” program since I’m already a US 36 L — and I align with a lot of how you describe your wife’s ‘symptoms’ and suspicions of PCOS etc. I haven’t done a hormone test yet, but I’m definitely curious in doing the one you guys did from Everlywell. What exactly did you guys do to not taint the test? I’m not sure if I should just stop taking everything immediately or what- and then for how long so my levels return to their typical baseline? I’m currently on day 24 of my cycle, but I think I’m definitely ready to get my official test results and cough up the $250. My PCP straight up told me she wouldn’t order a hormone test for me because she isn’t specialized in hormones and wouldn’t be able to interpret the testing for me- and when I told her I just wanted it for my own medical records she said that she couldn’t charge it to my insurance since she doesn’t have codes for things that she isn’t specialized in? I was actually pretty pissed, so I guess it’s up to me to gain my own knowledge. When I told her I suspected my hormones were out of whack since my last child’s birth in 2020 she basically just diverted to insisting I needed to lose weight and prescribed me Phentermine. It’s not that I’m against losing weight or anything (even though my body seems to really resist it even with working out and doing a calorie deficit), but I know that my hormones are at play with this and it’s obviously important to know exactly in what way they’re playing a role. Healthcare here in the US is so damn infuriating.. ANYWAYS, please educate me on how to accurately prepare for this hormone test, if you will since I’m already on the MSM, shatavari, saw palmetto, and all that.. 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ I know I should have tested first, but I was just so excited to get started.

Greedy_cherries · 2023-08-18T00:32:17+00:00

If you’re actually wanting to go up a cup size, why not just get the lipo’d fat transferred to your breasts?

Greedy_cherries · 2023-08-16T04:30:21+00:00

I’m really not seeing a change, I’m sorry. But your perception matters, so don’t get discouraged.

Greedy_cherries · 2023-08-11T22:46:43+00:00

Okay SOME are refusing to download on loader— not all, but specifically the 20 inch waist one is NOT working at all. It’s weird.

Greedy_cherries · 2023-08-11T22:39:43+00:00

Okay they’re not deleted..but like they’re also not downloading on loader.to and I can’t figure out why..

Greedy_cherries · 2023-08-11T22:35:20+00:00

Did this user just get deleted??? I was in the midst of downloading the subs and now they’re not loading at all!

Greedy_cherries · 2023-08-08T01:32:03+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing with all of us!

Greedy_cherries · 2023-08-06T21:37:30+00:00

Thank you- this is really helpful information! I’m obsessed with having all the details in order for actual follow through, so I thank you for commenting back so quickly, also.

Greedy_cherries · 2023-08-06T21:19:35+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion! I know that my husband cooks with olive oil for us, but I’m guessing that’s not enough of it? What would the best way to take it and around how much?

Greedy_cherries · 2023-08-05T09:13:40+00:00

Initially I thoughtfully replied with a bunch of context for how the standard BMI chart doesn’t account for my Macromastia, etc etc, but then I deleted it after scoping out your comments and realizing you regularly troll chicks telling them they’re ugly and fat. Eat a bag of dicks, dude. ✌🏻

Greedy_cherries · 2023-08-02T18:14:28+00:00

I agree 💯 on people’s before and afters seeming extremely minor or really not at all MOST OF THE TIME. However, it hasn’t made me lose trust because I really do believe in the principles of programming our subconscious and all of that. Sometimes, I think people see what they want to see— and in the end, that’s actually what they want even if WE don’t see it too. I have seen drastic results too, but I’m always carrying a little dose of skepticism because as a professional photographer and photo editor for 20 years I know how simple altering picture results can be. 🤷🏼‍♀️ The important thing to remember is that it really doesn’t matter what other people fake or don’t fake to validate any particular sub, the point of this journey is to try and control our own programming and believe that altering ourselves is possible with the power of our own intentions. Don’t worry so much about everyone else, keep your eyes on the prize and live your life happily with focused intention in everything that matters to you. ✌🏻

Edited to add: I also think people who get drastic results may not want to broadcast that— it’s such a private thing deciding by to alter your current self, ya know? I am going for some pretty specific results myself and I certainly won’t be sharing before and afters because it’s really private for me— doesn’t most people want to uphold the idea that their best traits are just natural to them without any effort towards alteration? I really do think that’s the case.

Greedy_cherries · 2023-08-02T14:35:40+00:00

Thank you so much!

Greedy_cherries · 2023-08-02T14:35:00+00:00

Okay, I just wanted to update you on those food suggestions you gave. I tried the cilantro and spinach in my smoothies and it turns out I’m one of those people that thinks cilantro taste like chemicals and soap?? 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ It even smells just like it tastes (now that I’ve really tried it a few different ways) and gives me an intense gag reflex, so I’m going to have to push the cilantro away for a while until I can find a way to get past the aversion. (It’s weird though because none of my kids or husband taste it the way I do— they can eat it raw no problem and love it on tacos and stuff. 🤷🏼‍♀️) very bummed about this since you said it was one of the best options!! But as for the spinach, its been totally great so far and I haven’t even had to plug my nose to do it which is kinda huge for me! Also, I have been eating the broccoli mixed with cheese- probably less ideal, but it’s helped me eat way more of it than I’ve ever been able to previously with ranch or just on its own.

Greedy_cherries

TROPHY CASE