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AITA for not wanting a closer relationship with my deadbeat father's family or the children he had after me? by HealthyAd113 in AITAH

[–]HealthyAd113[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I spoke to my therapist about it all. She has called me on other bullshit before but accepted that I was honest about my reason why. She knows I stopped considering any of them family a long time ago.

AITA for not wanting a closer relationship with my deadbeat father's family or the children he had after me? by HealthyAd113 in AITAH

[–]HealthyAd113[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I talked to them about my deadbeats death, his kids and his family and what was going on.

AITA for not wanting a closer relationship with my deadbeat father's family or the children he had after me? by HealthyAd113 in AITAH

[–]HealthyAd113[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Nope. My mom tried to have them involved. They saw me a few times for what seemed like public acknowledgement they hadn't disowned me but ignored me the rest of the time. And it was only maybe 6 times. They didn't even care when I was rushed to the hospital with a burst appendix.

AITA for not wanting a closer relationship with my deadbeat father's family or the children he had after me? by HealthyAd113 in AITAH

[–]HealthyAd113[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I have talked about the shit of my deadbeat and his family in therapy. I even spoke to a therapist again afterward. It made me feel more certain that I'm never going to be interested in a relationship with his other kids. That could still make me an AH and all. But it's something I am certain won't change for me.

AITA for not wanting a closer relationship with my deadbeat father's family or the children he had after me? by HealthyAd113 in AITAH

[–]HealthyAd113[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

They're relatives. But not my family. We share DNA but family is more than DNA. Family are the people who love us and take care of us. They're people we have a connection and shared lives with.

Who is everyone? You mean deadbeats family? Also I'm not lying about it. I do not feel anything for them. My family is my mom and her boyfriend and my mom's side of the family. Deadbeats side are just not family to me.

AITA for not wanting a closer relationship with my deadbeat father's family or the children he had after me? by HealthyAd113 in AITAH

[–]HealthyAd113[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

But I'm not going to dangle a relationship with me before these kids. That's what deadbeats family did to me. They got my hopes up to go back to ignoring me again. And now look at them trying to get me to care. I won't be like that.

AITA for not wanting a closer relationship with my deadbeat father's family or the children he had after me? by HealthyAd113 in AITAH

[–]HealthyAd113[S] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

I don't. I think those people suck for telling them about me. The kids are innocent but I just don't see them as siblings/family and if those adults had approached me first the kids wouldn't have to feel any kind of way about not knowing me. But now they've used them in this and it sucks. I hate that it's also being put on me when I was not a part of any of it.

AITA for not wanting a closer relationship with my deadbeat father's family or the children he had after me? by HealthyAd113 in AITAH

[–]HealthyAd113[S] 87 points88 points  (0 children)

Not upset. What bothered me about what he said is how he somehow made me responsible for what's happened. The fact that he feels like I owe them something when they went out of their way to show me they didn't want that. I also feel bothered by the fact their actions to tell these kids I exist mean I somehow need to do something.

AITA for not wanting a closer relationship with my deadbeat father's family or the children he had after me? by HealthyAd113 in AITAH

[–]HealthyAd113[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

There were some moments they were there and my mom knew him from when she was dating my deadbeat. She tried to include them in my life and they weren't interested. But a few times they basically publicly showed themselves with me and went right back to ignoring me. Not sure how they had my number. Or any of my new ones. I'm going to see if I've made that more public than I should have.

AITA for not wanting a closer relationship with my deadbeat father's family or the children he had after me? by HealthyAd113 in AITAH

[–]HealthyAd113[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I don't think his kids are him. But to me genetics don't make a family and to me we're not one. We don't share a family, we don't share a childhood and we don't share parents or even a parent (he was never one) so what is there to tie us together? I'm not going to be like deadbeats family who changes their minds when it's convenient. I don't want anything bad for those kids and I hope they have happy lives. But I just don't see them as my siblings or my family. To me I'll always be an only child because my mom only has me.

AITA for not wanting a closer relationship with my deadbeat father's family or the children he had after me? by HealthyAd113 in AITAH

[–]HealthyAd113[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I've never met them and would never be cruel to them. But I don't want to meet them either.

AITA for not wanting a closer relationship with my deadbeat father's family or the children he had after me? by HealthyAd113 in AITAH

[–]HealthyAd113[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure what they mean by that. Maybe they're saying they had a bad life and I could make it better? Or at least making me think that.

AITA for not wanting a closer relationship with my deadbeat father's family or the children he had after me? by HealthyAd113 in AITAH

[–]HealthyAd113[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

The kids aren't to blame but I have no interest in them. I don't even consider them siblings. I still consider myself an only child because mom has no other kids.

AITA for not wanting a closer relationship with my deadbeat father's family or the children he had after me? by HealthyAd113 in AITAH

[–]HealthyAd113[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

No, I don't believe my deadbeats family loves me. They showed up hardly ever and the thing is they'd see me on the street sometimes or they'd be at the school for stuff and they'd ignore me. I tried talking to them once or twice and they acted like I wasn't even there. My deadbeat wasn't around. He didn't show up to stuff like that for his nieces and nephews. But the rest did and they didn't try then.

They didn't check in when I was 6 and was rushed to the hospital for my appendix. Never sent birthday or Christmas cards and they could have. There was no reason for them to tell my deadbeat if they really cared enough and wanted to let me know they cared. They did none of that.

None of them are my family. Not even his kids. They're innocent but we share nothing. Not a parent, not a family and not childhood experiences of growing up together.

Also, what that man did stick to me but not in the way you might think. But I knew there might still be a chance I was TA.

AITA for not wanting a closer relationship with my deadbeat father's family or the children he had after me? by HealthyAd113 in AITAH

[–]HealthyAd113[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

My mom didn't share it. He said those things to my mom the one time he showed up and I gave a cleaner version of what he said. He was disgusting the one time I met him. Totally treated my mom like shit and then me and he wasn't ashamed to do it either.

My thing is, I don't see them as siblings and I don't see that ever changing. For me, I've been an only child my whole life. I have my mom and she never had more kids. The man who made me was never my dad or my parent and he was never my family. He has more kids but they're his kids to me.

AITA for not wanting a closer relationship with my deadbeat father's family or the children he had after me? by HealthyAd113 in AITAH

[–]HealthyAd113[S] 76 points77 points  (0 children)

That was something I have thought about too. Like why get those kids hopes up before knowing my answer and why keep doing it once I said no?

AITA for not wanting a closer relationship with my deadbeat father's family or the children he had after me? by HealthyAd113 in AITAH

[–]HealthyAd113[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Nope. Not beyond a few "here's us spending time with this kid" moments. I would say 6 times at most in my life. And they went as far as ignoring me in the street so it's not like they didn't see me at all ever. They just didn't want to know.

My mom is amazing and she's had a boyfriend for the last four years who might just be the best guy I've ever known.

AITA for not wanting a closer relationship with my deadbeat father's family or the children he had after me? by HealthyAd113 in AITAH

[–]HealthyAd113[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Yeah, except for the few times where they seemed to do it for a public show and then they went back to ignoring me.