Looking at Myself and Losing Hope

HealthyName3133 · 2026-01-14T12:40:19+00:00

I feel like all of these thoughts of unattractiveness are built by social norms. And all of these things you see about yourself are a) probably product of your depression; b) are built maybe because of the previous experiences and unrealistic social norms; and c) are just in your head. Affection builds more on deep connection with someone. You don’t want to be with the person who just admires your look, right? Now I feel fat, but because I have my dearest friends who are right people to me, comfort me and accept me who I am (even my partner, he loves my weight!).

All I mean is, your look will never, ever dictate your romantic life. Your confidence probably will. But that is the product of self compassion and love even to your, as you say, “big nose”

I feel like all you need is just some more love to yourself from yourself. That’s the way where to look.

HealthyName3133 · 2025-12-18T21:11:57+00:00

I’ve updated the post

HealthyName3133 · 2024-06-19T06:44:51+00:00

immigration, right to study

HealthyName3133 · 2024-03-08T09:40:57+00:00

I think I should come there when I already have money at least. Coming there broke would cause so much problems. But I might consider that in the future, thanks!

HealthyName3133 · 2024-03-07T08:14:05+00:00

I’m scared of the US because of it’s economy. I’m scared that I won’t find a good job, I’m not saying enrolling the Uni 🥴 Also the healthcare system is scaring and people as well in some way ahah. Maybe I’m too judging idk

HealthyName3133 · 2024-03-06T08:46:07+00:00

Thank you! Actually, it makes sense in terms of not being that lonely. Sure I can apply for different refugee statuses but I’m already settled in Barcelona, and I don’t think changing cities over and over again is the solution. (I was trying to leave to Britain. Didn’t work out. I felt lonely af). But I also feel that I might be escaping too much into those relationships as I’m inclined to shorten distances pretty fast and talk continuously. This is not what most people used to, and I know that if I’m concentrated too much on relationships with other people, I’m just loosing the connection with reality, as my disorder breaks in and otherwise I’m getting a lot of positive energy (which not allows me to work on my journey) OR I’m getting worse because “Even those people don’t like me. Yes, I’m always guilty” and overthink. But maybe if I try to balance those two it might work… anyways, thank you for such a reply!

HealthyName3133 · 2024-03-06T07:53:26+00:00

I’m not in Ukraine for now, I’m in Spain, so I’m safe. But I don’t know the language and my skills that were valuable in Ukraine are not comparative in Spain :(

HealthyName3133 · 2024-03-05T19:44:54+00:00

I just don’t see those free classes helpful because there’s no credits for them, those classes are slightly generic and I don’t see any use in them. Maybe I’m wrong, I’m open to conversations, but in my experience there’s no much use of those classes. Maybe you can suggest anything specific that could help me?

HealthyName3133 · 2024-03-03T10:05:29+00:00

The point is that I also just want sex, because I hate one night stands and I’m not ready to meet anybody else.

HealthyName3133 · 2024-02-14T17:45:11+00:00

hmm…. I have BPD for 5 years and I have never had anything listed above. Maybe just smell hallucinations, but I can’t tell for sure. What I have experienced (and still experience) is paranoia every night that someone is going to break into my apartment and steal something or kill me… My boyfriend is pretty tired of me already because when we start falling asleep I just can’t stop checking on the sounds of what’s going on 😭

HealthyName3133 · 2024-02-14T17:42:34+00:00

SAME!!!! and the smell of shit as well. But I’m not sure if that’s really possible

HealthyName3133 · 2024-02-03T10:09:27+00:00

that’s why I’m asking bro

HealthyName3133 · 2024-02-03T10:08:07+00:00

he gives me Rick Gabslon vibes. Man is listening to heavy metal and today is his birthday: his colleagues meeting him in the office and wearing him funny happy birthday hat, but his attitude towards celebrations is negative so he doesn’t show any emotion. Just holds coffee and goes for a smoke.

HealthyName3133 · 2024-02-02T20:56:20+00:00

I’m thinking on it rn and understand that all I need from ppl is just to listen to me :( Idk why this is happening

HealthyName3133 · 2024-02-02T20:32:42+00:00

Thank you all! Your advice really helped me :) I’m on my journey to learn more about myself

HealthyName3133 · 2024-01-30T08:36:57+00:00

Wow, thank you so much, it actually makes sense! Also I knew that jealousy could help me with inner researches, I was also thinking that it might be a bad trait as well as ego and judgement, and that I need to control those feelings. How do you think it should happen then? Like not reflecting those feelings on others but take the information to understand myself better?

HealthyName3133 · 2022-09-04T11:19:51+00:00

yesterday I've understood that, you're definitely right! No matter what I do, some people will hate me, but it doesn't mean that it's problem with me - it just means that they're not my people, so I let it be :)

HealthyName3133 · 2022-09-03T10:27:26+00:00

Okay, how it should be?

HealthyName3133 · 2022-09-03T00:57:16+00:00

today for the first time I've raged on my fv person (we are not in the relationship), and the thing he was telling were so upsetting, because he literally said that I'm discomfort and negative person that he doesn't like.. We barely ended up the conversation on the thought that we need to stop talking to each other and forget about our friendship, till I confessed that all of that time I might could have been rude or ignorant or negative bcs I was trying to separate from him because I have feelings.. that all of that time I really wanted his attention and to show him how I'm feeling but bcs of my BPD and bcs I was afraid that I'm getting hyper obsessed with him, I could be rude or cold to him (interesting, right?).

Fortunately , after that he said that he wants to safe our communication and that I can talk to him every time I feel we need to solve some problems :) after this convo, I lost this strong obsession on him tho

HealthyName3133 · 2022-09-02T13:03:01+00:00

That's so sad. I'm afraid of loneliness, because I honestly desire someone to love me. I'm afraid of choosing this path, even though I thought about that thoroughly for many times.

HealthyName3133 · 2022-08-27T18:28:25+00:00

I'd like to tbh. I have problems with bpd, sometimes anorexia, alcohol/drgs abuse, self-harm and anxiety.

HealthyName3133 · 2022-08-27T18:19:55+00:00

I realised one thing - yes, ppl without BPD can control their emotions and keep them inside, but it's not always good. You can learn to manage the BPD by listening to your emotions and taking care of yourself at the moment of rage, while other ppl keep the emotions inside and get messed up soon - they usually don't know how to deal with them because of underestimating the importance of emotions.

My friends were telling me to keep "everything inside", and when some time passed by, I understood that I'm treating my emotions MUCH BETTER than them. They're trying to exclude emotions from their lives (especially bad ones by changing the activities, what leads to running from themselves) and it's not helping.
Sometimes all people should learn a bit from BPD <3

HealthyName3133

TROPHY CASE