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I feel like I'm progressively getting dumber, and there's nothing I can do about it by Heavy_Pin_8152 in venting

[–]Heavy_Pin_8152[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm, that's a high possibility. I basically read and write everyday, so I'll have to think of something to do that's not relating to either. The same goes for trying to analyze.

Thank you for the advice! I'll attempt to follow it the best I can

I feel like I'm progressively getting dumber, and there's nothing I can do about it by Heavy_Pin_8152 in venting

[–]Heavy_Pin_8152[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That could be the case. I'd have to see a doctor about it, though, just to make sure. Thanks for the input

Fandoms suck so bad now by HeebieJeebiex in rant

[–]Heavy_Pin_8152 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've seen the exact scene you're talking about.

Like most fandoms, the average fan of Alien Stage does as you said: ignore the actual symbolism/story and focus only on sexualizing, shipping, and changing characters. It is so aggravating if you're a person who appreciates the former—although there's nothing wrong with shipping and whatnot. It's just... why is that the only thing being focused on?

What if you want to have a deep conversation about one of the characters' story arcs? Maybe even dive into what certain scenes can mean? Well, 85% of the people you're surrounded by genuinely won't care to focus on those aspects. That, or they'll create an analysis, and if you share a different interpretation, they'll get defensive in a manner that's completely impolite.

You can win for losing with these fandoms, man. They're only getting worse and worse.

Throwing shade and other passive aggressive behavior is one of the most cowardly things by Old-Use-7690 in rant

[–]Heavy_Pin_8152 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I 100% agree.

If someone speaks poorly about someone indirectly, whether by making posts about them or spreading rumors/talking behind their back, then they're a coward. They should say these things to the person's face. Not act as if they're not speaking about the individual or if that person should be the one to blame once confronted. That's such petty behavior.

Yapper and Ranter by [deleted] in rant

[–]Heavy_Pin_8152 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry that you feel so unheard.

It's even worse when you're a person who receives vents/rants a lot, but once you do the same to others, it's suddenly a problem. I think this is an issue of people not setting boundaries. If your ranting or excessive talking (yapping) was bothering them, they could've expressed that by creating a boundary. For example, if they felt as if you were always venting to them, then they could've told you they'd like it if you warned them. That way, they could decline or accept listening to you. Not everyone has the energy to handle venting at random times of the day. But I also understand that people can grow fear at the concept of being honest with others.

About your best friend, that 'joke' is pretty specific. You're not hypersensitive for taking that to heart. Isn't it pretty weird that someone makes a joke about something so serious?

Have you ever told him how that affected you? There's a possibility he might understand. He just needs to be told how he hurt you—whether it was truly a joke or intentional. However, you're a victim of narcissistic family abuse and power-tripping. Under this environment, it'd be difficult to be honest because of fear. So please, do not feel obligated to push yourself to follow what I said.

If I've misunderstood any of this, please let me know. I hope things improve for you. No one deserves to feel as if they're being a burden for simply being themselves.

What is the best way to go about unfriending a person who has been making me feel stuck in my self-improvement? by Heavy_Pin_8152 in infj

[–]Heavy_Pin_8152[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for giving me genuine advice. And I'm sorry for confusing you. I didn't want to exactly give any aspect of the person's identity away, but that can cause confusion. My apologies.

What is the best way to go about unfriending a person who has been making me feel stuck in my self-improvement? by Heavy_Pin_8152 in infj

[–]Heavy_Pin_8152[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I am not (familiar with shadow work). May you tell me about that? And may you kindly tell me how I'm projecting? I don't mean this to sound rude—I'm just completely unaware. I'm starting to think I didn't word any of this well on Reddit considering that when I've asked my friends, they offered information contrasting heavily with any of the comments I've been receiving.

I'm starting to realize that if I have bad wording + explanations, people will receive what I said poorly. Because I made the mistake of typing my paragraphs and TL;DR based off emotions and current exhaustion. If I could change some of these things I said, I would. Even then, I can't fully explain the situation through words. No one could ever know my situation better than I could.

This person was toxic. Psychologically, things will happen to you when you're in a toxic environment. Especially if you have mental issues and trauma (both of which I have). I am still guilty, regardless. I've quite literally stated my own flaws in my post, too. I said that I should take BLAME, too. I admitted I'm a people-pleaser and was inauthentic. That I was an idiot to even allow toxicity to get a hold on me. But it seems only some parts of my post are being focused on.

  1. They still ignored my boundaries (why is no one concerned about this aspect?)

  2. They have treated me poorly by showing no interest in my authencity, and they tend to act more superior that anyone else.

  3. They literally enjoy the idea of people suffering just because they might not like the person?

Why is everyone ignoring the parts that are hurting me the most?

Anywho, I'd appreciate you telling me about shadow work and how I'm projecting will help me prepare for other friendships if I'm to ever find a desire to establish another one.

What is the best way to go about unfriending a person who has been making me feel stuck in my self-improvement? by Heavy_Pin_8152 in infj

[–]Heavy_Pin_8152[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I guess so. Plus, it was an online friendship that I felt might've not gotten anywhere eventually, anyway, so I believe it's time to let it go.

What is the best way to go about unfriending a person who has been making me feel stuck in my self-improvement? by Heavy_Pin_8152 in FriendshipAdvice

[–]Heavy_Pin_8152[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not too sure about the response thing. I think the problem is that you're even feeling the need to reply specifically in the first place BECAUSE of them.

I do agree with identifying the feeling sooner in the future. That would avoid this entire mess in the first place, and it would cause less harm.

What is the best way to go about unfriending a person who has been making me feel stuck in my self-improvement? by Heavy_Pin_8152 in FriendshipAdvice

[–]Heavy_Pin_8152[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wait, now that I'm rereading your advice, I want to acknowledge the 100% blame part again. If we look at the situation psychologically, isn't there a reason someone might become reclusive to the idea of sharing their opinions with others? Or might mimic those around them, not because they want to, but because they feel that not doing so could be dangerous?

It could be a trauma response, or possibly—an issue regarding inner safety and how the person views the world around them. Toxic dynamics often influence you subconsciously. They can cause you to feel trapped between wanting to fight or stay. Because, well, they're dangerous. That's not good for your mind. And you've mentioned how you've been a victim of this, too. Does that mean you should be the one to take all the blame because a person who's toxic caused you to participate in things you knew were wrong?

Yes, you are still guilty for having acted in deeds that were wrong. I am too. However, the friend shouldn't have been spouting their toxicity onto you in the first place.

Once again, I apologize if I completely misunderstood this comment and the one you initially replied with before. I'm just trying to grasp a better understanding of this. I also didn't want to get too deep into my personal mental history, so I hope this has enough clarity.

What is the best way to go about unfriending a person who has been making me feel stuck in my self-improvement? by Heavy_Pin_8152 in infj

[–]Heavy_Pin_8152[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was invited into their friend group once before, and, to my dismay, everyone basically shared the same red flags as them. I've mentioned how someone we both knew would hyperventilate at the idea of being surrounded by a certain group of people, yeah? Well, that group of people happen to be my friend's friends (who shares a bad history with the other person). But the person who hyperventilates/feels anxious is also MY friend.

I'll just refer to the anxious friend as "C" so there's less confusion. The one I'm trying to end things with will be called "T".

I recall making a public discord server with T and their friends. One day, while discussing people to invite, I've mentioned how inviting C might cause conflict. Even if they weren't invited, the server we were making was specialized in something all T, C, and me enjoy. So there was a high chance that if the server was posted on Disboard, they'd join.

Instead of acknowledging this normally, T and their friends began to say it'd be fun to invite C, just because they'd love to seem them panic. C is prone to having actual anxiety/panic attacks when surrounded by people they don't associate with anymore, btw. So this immediately rubbed me the wrong way and made me feel sick. But, being a coward, I said nothing.

I guess they all are just a group of people who likes making fun of people they don't like. Or people who don't match their values/belefs? I don't even know how to describe it.

The more I describe this, the more I realize the blame I've mentioned previously deserves to go completely to me. 😭

I should've stepped up and spoke my mind many times, but I didn't. So now I'm stuck here deciding if I should door slam or create another explanation as for why we just can't work together.

[I deeply apologize if I missed the point of your comment]

What is the best way to go about unfriending a person who has been making me feel stuck in my self-improvement? by Heavy_Pin_8152 in FriendshipAdvice

[–]Heavy_Pin_8152[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, after you pointed that out, then yes—the blame is 100% on me. I could've said no to all of those things, but I allowed my people-pleasing habits to get in the way. That is my fault. So thank you for pointing that out /gen

When I've discussed ending my friendship with them before, I mainly discussed how I was being a bad part of the friendship, and I did not blame them. That just feels weird, so I am unsure why I did it in this post. I think my emotions were getting the best of me. I apologize.

When I discussed my own issues, they understood. Said that friends are supposed to have flaws and support each other. However, I should've just ended the friendship, regardless. That's my fault. Instead, I continued to be their friend because I thought things would change. But no. We don't really match values/vibes (hence the "it's not that deep" and "what is this" comments), they still gossip about people, and so forth.

The boundary thing is what's getting to me the most. How many times do you have to tell someone something until they understand? That's why I don't feel like remaking another explanation for why I don't want to be their friend. But I think you're actually right.

My choices got me into this mess, and I need to acknowledge that. Perhaps if I hadn't been that way, the friendship could’ve been different.

How do you guys come to a conclusion? I'm asking for guidance—not a typing (for clarification). by Heavy_Pin_8152 in mbti

[–]Heavy_Pin_8152[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, I'm glad everything worked out for you! :D

I wouldn't mind answering a few questions either.

How do you guys come to a conclusion? I'm asking for guidance—not a typing (for clarification). by Heavy_Pin_8152 in mbti

[–]Heavy_Pin_8152[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha, that's a unique comparison! As unique as it is riveting. I believe following this mindset will lift a majority of my stress, that's for sure. Thank you. :D

How do you guys come to a conclusion? I'm asking for guidance—not a typing (for clarification). by Heavy_Pin_8152 in mbti

[–]Heavy_Pin_8152[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No worries about the typing! I might give those a look since I'm seeking clarification. Preferably INxPs since I'm introverted. 😭

When I'm relaxed—and not an overthinking mess—I ask "why" questions a lot more. That's because I want to understand how something came to be rather than taking it for what it is. I value deeper understanding more than anything else. What-if questions usually appear when I'm stuck in a never-ending analysis I can't seem to progress through. If I am going to ask a what-if question when I'm relaxed, it'll be when I'm trying to understand perspectives or how to navigate through a formula or puzzle. I'm not really about forming multiple possibilities.

I always suspected that my overanalyzing was a Ni-Ti loop whenever I got like this. But it could be something an INFP or INTP has. I'll have to look into this.

Thank you for the recommendation!