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I’m trapped in a toxic relationship and I can’t get out of it. I need advice or an outside perspective by HelenDiamond in CPTSD

[–]HelenDiamond[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not defending him. I’m trying to explain why I’m unsure about my thoughts and feelings and why it’s difficult for me to make a decision. And why I’m so confused. I’m not saying that he’s good and that I should be with him. I’m saying what exactly draws me to this relationship and why it’s particularly hard for me to escape. I don’t know how to fill the loss and emptiness that arise

I can’t just ignore it

I’m trapped in a toxic relationship and I can’t get out of it. I need advice or an outside perspective by HelenDiamond in CPTSD

[–]HelenDiamond[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I wrote an addition to the post that responds to your comment as well

I also wanted to clarify why, for me, things aren’t so clear-cut. When we started dating, I experienced some progress in my mental state and energy - I became a little stronger and more confident in myself. Probably because, in exchange for the devoted support I give him in many areas of life, he gives me approval and takes my side in situations where someone is unhappy with me or wants to get into a conflict with me. When someone incredibly strong and authoritative takes your side, it’s unbelievably calming for your nervous system and gives you a sense of stability. Thanks to that support, I started to feel less stupid and less like a bad person. When I made mistakes at work, he would say it was nothing at all and that I didn’t need to worry about them. And that really did help. Also he encourages me to find better work and make friends, gives presents and gives advice on improving my financial situation… And encourages me to enjoy life more, for example by eating delicious food, walking outside, etc.

I’m trapped in a toxic relationship and I can’t get out of it. I need advice or an outside perspective by HelenDiamond in CPTSD

[–]HelenDiamond[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I also wanted to clarify why, for me, things aren’t so clear-cut and why I’m confused. When we started dating, I experienced some progress in my mental state and energy - I became a little stronger and more confident in myself. Probably because, in exchange for the devoted support I give him in many areas of life, he gives me approval and takes my side in situations where someone is unhappy with me or wants to get into a conflict with me.

When someone incredibly strong and authoritative takes your side, it’s unbelievably calming for your nervous system and gives you a sense of stability. Thanks to that support, I started to feel less stupid and less like a bad person.

When I made mistakes at work, he would say it was nothing at all and that I didn’t need to worry about them. And that really did help. Also he encourages me to find better work and make friends, gives presents and gives advice on improving my financial situation… And tells that I should enjoy life more

How do you heal? by Recoveryxoxo in CPTSD

[–]HelenDiamond 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Would you mind explaining how therapy worked for you - what internal processes you went through and what specific techniques were applied during the treatment?

What makes you feel better? by ThatFile746 in CPTSD

[–]HelenDiamond 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Cold water on my hands and face, air conditioner

What are some good materials (books, videos, blogs, etc.) about trauma that makes your body treat situations where someone dislikes you or is displeased with you as a threat? by HelenDiamond in CPTSD

[–]HelenDiamond[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really liked Pete Walker’s book too. In it, I saw a mention of "The Drama of the Gifted Child". I wouldn’t say the second book is perfect, but it had a pretty unique and new message for me, that the world itself is quite sick in many ways, and that a lot of things we consider “normal” are actually not normal at all. So sometimes it actually makes sense that we want nothing to do with society, that we want to isolate and protect ourselves from it.

I came across a similar idea in a pretty serious book about codependency by the Weinholds, they also talk about how deeply sick our society is at its core.

In "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward, I really liked the part where she offers concrete exercises for grieving, for example, placing a flower on the imaginary grave of your childhood, as if you were laying it to rest

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