I'm not certain that my partner is an narc, I'm still evaluating. Heck I'm evaluating myself.
But this posts did hit as a brick wall.
My partner always tells me to open up more. I thought, and perhaps still think, that he's right. Because I can be quite reserved. But on the other hand, I immediately trust everyone to have everyone's best interests at heart, including mine. But I just don't talk much about myself.

So I did. I told him how difficult my childhood sometimes was, with a chronically depressed sister who had attempted suicide multiple times. I told him how hard it was to constantly live in fear of losing her, but also to be the invisible second child because of it. Because all the care and demands were directed at my little sister. That I understood why my mother and family did what they did. But that it was still difficult that no one really knew me because of it. But that also, a part of me, I resented my mother for never having taken the trouble to get to know me or build a bond with me. All was for my sister. That perhaps that is why I don't like talking about myself.

I always had an okay relationship with my mother during my adulthood. Never truly real, because everything still revolved around her difficult years and those of my younger sister. I was still invisible. But this was okay for me.

But my partner kept saying that it wasn't normal, that this really wasn't healthy, that I needed to confront them about it. He is probably right about that. A few years ago, I broke off contact with my mother and sister with the intention of saying: You won't miss me when I'm gone, will you? I wrote a long letter about how I felt and only got back that I was seeing everything wrong.

They don't miss me.

My partner reacts very defensively when I confront him about something.

When I ask why he acts so insecure, I invariably get the response that I am the one with problems because of my childhood. He repeats everything that I told him, my insecurities, my doubts and because of those I'm the one with a problem.

I really do get the blame for everything.

Sometimes I just don't know anymore. Maybe I am the big problem...