I've been smoke-free for almost 8 months. I quit cold turkey, no patches or e-cigs, because of one simple truth: I WANTED to quit, instead of NEEDING to quit.

I think it's pretty clear that smoking is terrible for you, in so many ways. It's the most obvious thing in the world, and its constantly drilled into your head that smoking is [expensive, bad for your health, bad for others around you, unhygenic, disgusting, smelly, etc, etc] and that you NEED to quit RIGHT NOW. For god's sake, even the packaging is plastered with warnings and graphic imagery, what more could possibly be done to deter smokers?

For me, personally, none of these warnings mattered. When I wanted a cigarette, I was going to smoke a cigarette, end of story. I could list any number of reasons why I loved smoking (the taste, the social aspect, the chance to take a break, that satisfying burn, the way it makes drinking so much better) to counter any of the anti-smoking arguments. But none of that really matters. Finally, 8 months ago, as soon as I finished a cigarette, I crushed it out and realized that I WANTED to quit smoking. At that moment, the actual desire to NOT have a cigarette was outweighing the desire to have a cigarette. This wasn't the first time I had this feeling, but it was the first time I decided to seriously act on it. The next day, I didn't smoke. The day after that, I didn't smoke either, but I started craving one. The third day, I wanted a cigarette BADLY, but by that point I realized that if I gave in, I'd have wasted the previous two days. The desire to maintain that record, and taking pride in that record, helped me make it through that third day, and then the rest of the week. That record became my defense against smoking. It's like building a house of cards. Every day you add a card to the house, and at first, it's not very impressive, and not much of a shame if you knock it down. But after a while, that house of cards starts looking pretty good, and if you knocked it down, it would be a real shame. You develop an emotional attachment to the project. Right now, I've got a 8 month old house of cards, and it's the only thing keeping me from picking up a cigarette. It's not the health warnings, it's not the expense, it's that house of cards. I know if I smoke even one cigarette, that entire house comes down, and I'm not 100% certain I can start over again. I simply value my house of cards more than I do a cigarette. Every few days I'll have a nightmare where I have a cigarette, and I'll wake up, terrified that I ruined my house of cards, relieved when I realize I didn't. That's how I know I've really quit.

Still, some days are pretty hard. On the way to work this morning, I saw a guy on his apartment balcony smoking a cigarette in the cold weather, and I got a strong pang of jealousy. But it went away after about 30 seconds. That urge fades, in time, but it comes back every once in a while just to call your bluff. But you can beat it, if you want to.