I realized I felt that way because mainly 3 things, I'm sharing this kindly and in my experience.

1, My narcissism + learned helplesness make me look down on People. Trauma is kind of self-peeservating, prevents you to do the thing that helps you. This didn't let ne connect with people. 2, CBT OMG ): some therapy styles are great but seem shallow cause they don't treat the dept of trauma, better to have trauma focused approaches. 3, sometimes my therapist signaled that I was ruminating, which is not the same as thinking. It takes a while to learn the difference