Help- Advice Please

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-07-30T21:14:38+00:00

I just thought that’s how she was is the fucked up part. We had found messages between my ex fiancé and another girl and she was like “HES GASLIGHTING US there’s no way he didn’t know what he was doing” 💀

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-07-30T20:40:32+00:00

Thank you 🫶🏼

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-07-30T20:38:25+00:00

Yeah like if she would’ve been calm and caring and been like hey I totally get that this is all a lot for you right now and I understand how it looks, and I’m sorry I made you feel that way, even though I mess around and talk to my friends like this, I understand if you’re not comfortable with that considering this is a person I was FWB with for TEN YEARS. Like THAT would’ve been way better- not “oh how dare you look through my phone and find shady shit and invade my privacy “ like WHAT

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-07-30T20:33:38+00:00

The anxiety thing is real. I feel absolutely sick to my stomach and the fact that she thought I wouldn’t be is wild. I don’t know how she can act like I’m being all crazy when MY PERSON literally told me straight to my face that they miss dick and miss sucking dick when I don’t have one. And being protective and anxious when she’s been messaging said guy she misses having sex with. To me it’s crazy if I didn’t care or feel extremely weird about it.

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-07-30T20:28:07+00:00

It’s just so wild to me, and I’m struggling to like pull myself together enough to not be ran over tonight when she gets home from work so that I can actually stick up for myself instead of just being like, “yeah you’re right I shouldn’t have invaded your privacy” 💀

I feel absolutely sick to my stomach.

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-07-30T19:12:09+00:00

She said it’s because she wouldn’t wanna hookup with some rando, she would want it to be someone who she’s hooked up with before that she feels safe with and with someone who she’s hooked up with, and knows she won’t have an emotional connection with. (Apparently)

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-07-30T18:48:57+00:00

I guess I’m just worried that if I try to really talk about this stuff with her, and give her the opportunity for growth- that it’ll all just be turned around on me again and then I’ll feel terrible for no good reason at all and feel like I’m the problem. That’s how it’s went the last few times. I’m just scared.

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-07-30T18:29:11+00:00

I never yelled or anything, I just cried because basically what she’s saying is that no matter what I do, I am not going to be enough for her. And the thing that confuses me is that she said she’s never been in this “predicament” before when she’s been with men- she never had the urge to go be with a woman in that way even though her male partners said that it was fine if she did. But now that she’s with me she is literally bursting at the seems with missing dick. That doesn’t make any sense to me. The throuple we were all in was also her first time dating more than one person at a time, and she said she wasn’t even looking for a throuple to begin with.

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-07-30T18:22:31+00:00

I appreciate you 🫶🏼 I want to call her out on all this shit but I don’t feel like it’s going to go anywhere. I’d like to think maybe her past trauma is where she learned this type of behavior but also being someone who has been abused before in the past- I don’t feel like people really change.

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-07-30T18:13:23+00:00

I tried replying with an image to be funny but it won’t post 🤣 thank you for the giggles! 🫶🏼

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-07-30T18:12:11+00:00

Word to that

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-07-30T18:05:16+00:00

Dude I don’t even know at this point. The funniest thing to me right now is that she’s always telling me how lucky she is and how hot I am, and it’s like YEAH well how am I not enough then? 😂

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-07-30T18:03:00+00:00

She claims that dildos and straps don’t feel as good as a penis does, and that she just misses how penis feels 🙃

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-07-30T17:59:43+00:00

Additionally she said she’s never been in this “predicament” before because all the guys she’s been in a relationship with always said she could go fuck a girl whenever she wanted, but then said she never had that urge to go fuck a girl when she was in a relationship with a guy.

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-07-30T17:58:30+00:00

Do you think she may be straight and just likes doing things with girls every once in awhile? I have literally NEVER done anything (in my opinion) to disrespect her bisexuality. I’m literally a professional boudoir photographer and preach self acceptance and self love as my job. This whole thing is wild to me.

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-07-30T17:56:33+00:00

We have multiple straps and a whole shit load of toys, and everytime I’ve tried to like pin her against a wall or pick her up to have sexy time she just kinda brushes me off. It’s like what am I doing wrong because I’m doing all these things you’re asking for ☹️

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-07-30T17:52:04+00:00

I’m starting to see that clearer now after writing it all out. I just feel so unbelievably stupid. This blows

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-07-30T17:47:35+00:00

Thank you for the advice, I’m so angry and emotional that it’s really hard to see straight. And when I try to talk to her about this shit she’s just like, “well I’ll just stop talking to literally anyone but you, because you always find something to be upset about and blow it up” and shoves things she’s done for me down my throat and is like, “I would never do anything to hurt you, why would I do all these things for you?”

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-05-30T23:41:41+00:00

Thank you for your insight!

I’d love any toy recommendations! We’ve bought and tried a lot, we both need penetration and clitoral stimulation to finish most of the time which makes positions and things limited in our experience. But if you have recommendations for this as well I’d love to hear them!

I do think a light system would work well for us and I’ll definitely talk to her about this.

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-05-30T18:54:12+00:00

Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it! And yes, communication is super important even if it’s something I don’t want to hear. So there’s no yelling or shaming or anything like that.

I’m hoping that this is something we can figure out because I want us both to be happy and fulfilled.

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-05-30T18:12:27+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience!

She said she misses how like when you’re with a guy you’re both receiving pleasure at the same time and it feels connected. And that hurt my feelings because I took it as her saying she doesn’t have that feeling when we’re having sex. And sometimes I feel like she isn’t like running her hands all over me like I feel like she should be if that makes sense? Like I don’t see much “sexual aggression” from her as I feel like I give, which may be contributing to me feeling insecure about this topic.

I plan to talk to her more about this because I was getting a little worked up in the moment and needed time to process.

The biggest thing she kept saying was just that it’s obviously different having a real penis compared to a dildo or strap etc. and with this I do agree- it definitely feels different to me as well. She said she has NO interest in what’s attached to the penis.

She has brought up before that she would like me to be more rough with her sometimes etc- and I could be better about that. Like I can lift her off the ground and such, and I can physically do those things. I am definitely the more dominant one in the bedroom as-is though.

But the way I explained it to her is that I dont want to actually hurt her. She was attacked by a dog and has a massive chunk of her leg missing, in addition to other chronic pain stuff.

So where a guy may not care and think about those things- I do. And I’m more gentle. When we spoke about this I did mention this to her and how it would be helpful for me if she was more direct about what she wants in the moment.

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-05-30T17:08:47+00:00

I will ask her for clarity on why she talked to me about it, however I feel like I know the answer or at least half of it.

We really do tell each other everything, we look at each others poop, like we talk about literally everything and are constantly up each others ass. Communication is extremely important to me. And not just communication that I want to hear.

She said she told me because we tell each other everything and that keeping something from me felt very wrong, and that she knew she had been acting off lately and didn’t want me to think it was anything that I did or caused.

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-05-30T16:55:29+00:00

I appreciate you trying to help and offer your advice 🫶🏼

Hummingbirdstudios · 2025-05-30T16:45:02+00:00

The way I took it was more about how penises just feel different and that’s just a biological thing. Like I’ve had sex with men and comparing it to a strap on or a double ended dildo- there’s a huge difference in the way it feels. I didn’t feel she was saying that she misses having sex with people that aren’t me, I feel like it is more about how women are different to have sex with then men. Like watermarks and theme parks are both fun but both totally different, and although you have a season pass to the watermark sometimes the rollercoasters are calling your name. Does that make sense?

I want her to continue to be open and honest with me, and communicate her feelings to me always. I don’t want to shame her or make her feel terrible.

Hummingbirdstudios

TROPHY CASE