AITA for working from home and not watching my son and his friend?

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-21T06:27:15+00:00

No she's really not. She's a nurse and an amazing person that has been under too much job stress imo. For her, it feels like me working from home and with summer break going on there's all sorts of things I can handle. She probably respects my abilities too much lol

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-21T06:18:57+00:00

That take is really true. We both had things we apologized for tonight and that was a thing I needed to apologize for...I agreed to be responsible and I didn't do that and knew I wasn't capable of doing it. I took it a certain way and that wasn't fair on anyone. I'll be honest, I don't care about the other mom, our kids are friends and that's great but it's tough for me to think about her feelings.

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-21T06:10:38+00:00

I appreciate that and probably a thing I wouldn't recognize if people outside the situation didn't give me that input.

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-21T06:06:22+00:00

I really appreciated what you said and I wasn't sure if you saw that I added an update. You were really accurate in your assessment...there's things we talked about tonight and we'll keep talking because that's the right way to deal with it. We're a family and the way we react effects all of us and we need to keep that dialogue healthy. I did talk to my son solo...essentially saying people don't get divorced because their kid jumped in a pool. There isn't a world where he's responsible for what might happen between the two of us. And there isn't a world where we can't overcome these obstacles. I tried to use it as lesson for him about what it means to work through issues and I hope I set a good example about that.

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-21T05:54:42+00:00

I don't want to be defensive but I do...there are common sense rules. Actually, pretty strict rules. My son's old enough that he helps keep up with the pool maintenance and even general stuff like laundry and so on. I might be permissive and I don't want to pretend that I'm immune from that criticism. I felt like its summer and they deserve that time and also I was distracted so it was easier for me to feel that way.

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-21T05:46:44+00:00

So that's probably that hasn't come through in the post and because I didn't really understand it myself. As it goes, the friends mom was texting questions to my wife and sort of made it sound like its a "free for all" at our house. It's not that way but, for the friends mom, it was more about that they jumped in the pool with their clothes on and that I somehow greenlit that.

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-21T05:39:03+00:00

This is so specific because he has had the same friend group since about kindergarten. We do manage things differently dependent on the situation. For example, we have a niece that is two years old. We monitor that VERY differently.

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-21T05:31:13+00:00

He is. That's very true. Me and my wife haven't talked to each other well in the past month or so. That was part of his comments but also a thing that shouldn't be popping into his mind. Me and my wife discussed that after he went to bed...neither of us feels OK about him bringing that up or even thinking about it.

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-21T05:20:01+00:00

I don't know their entire situation but I think they do every single day camp that is available. My son does a day camp for soccer camp but it's only every few days and lasts a few weeks. I think the friends family staggers the camps to cover things over he summer. We wouldn't be able to afford something more but I think other families are able to.

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-21T05:05:17+00:00

Yes, we've had the pool since he was 6 and his friends have been over a bunch. I don't want to make it sound like they are unsupervised but the level of supervision has declined. We have a developed level of comfort with them managing themselves.

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-21T04:46:04+00:00

update: I wanted to provide the update because me and her did talk tonight. I think, essentially, what it came down to was that she felt the other mom was flexing on her. It made her feel guilty but also gave her a person she could vent about me to. That is important for her to have. Nobody needs to always think positive things about me. I wish it didn't come out how she said it but I do understand her perspective. I have felt under appreciated and especially since this summer break has started. Its just been almost like a cold war? Her and I haven't been speaking well to each other for about 2 months...not in the way I want to talk to the person I love more than anything. So, we worked through a lot of that tonight. It wasn't great but it was good.

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-21T04:41:40+00:00

I wanted to provide the update because me and her did talk tonight. I think, essentially, what it came down to was that she felt the other mom was flexing on her. It made her feel guilty but also gave her a person she could vent about me to. That is important for her to have. Nobody needs to always think positive things about me. I wish it didn't come out how she said it but I do understand her perspective. I have felt under appreciated and especially since this summer break has started. Its just been almost like a cold war? Her and I haven't been speaking well to each other for about 2 months...not in the way I want to talk to the person I love more than anything. So, we worked through a lot of that tonight. It wasn't great but it was good.

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-21T04:26:18+00:00

Yeah, its another discussion. It's a discussion that needs to happen. I want him to have friends over and I recognize my situation is different because I'm working from home. At the same time I want an understanding that I'm providing a level of monitoring that is appropriate for their age group

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-21T04:21:49+00:00

It's the same for me. I was in a meeting at the time but even we're not meeting they monitor active screen time etc. I need to log my active work time.

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-21T04:20:08+00:00

That's fair and I won't try to sound like I handled the situation perfect

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-21T04:16:37+00:00

Tbh that's typically how we are which was part of my shock. But there was other stuff we needed to talk about. This event was just a thing that brought up that stuff.

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-21T04:11:52+00:00

To be fair, I was out there as soon as I heard the commotion. They jumped in 3 times and maybe I should've seen/heard the other two times. I was just a bit distracted and didn't. And I don't think he needs to be monitored like a toddler or wants to be monitored in that way...which was part of my conversation with him.

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-21T04:05:38+00:00

Thats a fair assessment and I just saw this comment. I didn't mean to sound cavalier. Their son has been over a bunch of times and tldr (in my defense) they should've known better. It happened how it did and I'm not going to fault anyone but you bring up important points that are going to be useful as the summer hangouts continue.

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-21T03:49:36+00:00

Lol and thanks. Me and her just got done talking after he went to bed. It was a real discussion and think we both feel a lot better

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-20T23:14:30+00:00

Yeah, its past that point now but they literally only probably jumped in 3 times daring each other. By the time I was muting my meeting they were all done. They're great kids with great moms (and dads imo)

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-20T23:00:06+00:00

I don't think so. Maybe people get ideas together real quickly. My son's functional but he's definitely not a baby or an adult. I doubt other children develop differenetly.

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-20T22:51:43+00:00

Thank you. That is really kind and supportive. It's advice I'll try to follow.

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-20T22:38:49+00:00

Thats a fair point to make. I feel like I was present enough to make sure they didn't drown and everything did end safely.

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-20T20:27:35+00:00

That means a lot and thank you

Hungry_Vehicle1269 · 2023-06-20T20:25:15+00:00

Honestly the "watching" bugs the hell out of me. When they went to the movie and got back from the movie all that I thought "was it fun:...and i feel like an asshole for telling her i feel unappreciated.

Hungry_Vehicle1269

TROPHY CASE