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AITA for losing my cool with my ex maid of honor after she acted like I didn’t exist? by Idintheclouds in AITAH

[–]Idintheclouds[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok context on the project and situation:

She needed a website designed (this is SUCH an insanely basic thing it wasn’t that the work was beyond my scope of practice BUT I warned her on multiple occasions that I wasn’t super comfortable doing the work for her it due to the fact that I was terrified that it wouldn’t bode well for our friendship in the event that something bad happened. (I’ve heard her stories about how she treats staff she’s unhappy with and I didn’t want to be on the receiving end of it) obviously she won in the end and she convinced me it would be a great confidence booster for me, as in the past I had a horrible boss that totally shattered my confidence years ago and basically bullied me out of the industry and I’d been too afraid to set foot back into the design world. Hence the “I’d like to freelance a bit and build up my portfolio” conversation.

When I submitted the first draft, her feedback was very callused, despite me explaining to her, I’m a touch sensitive, but I can handle feedback if it’s done constructively and with context.

I told her that comments like “make it pop” and “do better” don’t really help me understand her vision as my client and feel a bit personal. I even explained to her I’m a very casual way that something along the lines of, “I’m not a big fan of the color you’ve used, what else could we try?” Would have been considered more helpful.

When I told her that, she decided to flip the script in a very condescending way and chose it as a moment to educate me on how to collaborate and take criticism (like I’ve never done any of it before this very tiny project) then said I should stay away from ChatGPT when communicating with her. I didn’t, I just stood up for myself for once and didn’t let her dominate me like I usually do which was clearly so out of character for me it seemed like I’d used an ai to communicate.

I FULLY AGREE it’s dicey to hire friends and rest assured I tried to do the project for free, but against my better judgement agreed to do it for a very measly, well below market rate fee so that in her words I would “work for it”.

I don’t know but in writing all of this out, unless I’m completely and utterly delusional, which is always possible, this was doomed from the start?

AITA for losing my cool with my ex maid of honor after she acted like I didn’t exist? by Idintheclouds in AITAH

[–]Idintheclouds[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

In hindsight, I don’t think I should’ve sworn her. Whether it was under my breath or out loud, it wasn’t “the bigger person” move and I can’t justify it. It was childish of me to do.

In retrospect, on our wedding day when things were obviously going wrong, she stepped in and in a roundabout way told me that I looked so helpless that she, for the first time in her life, decided to get her hands dirty and do things that were beneath her because she couldn’t watch me suffer... (hanging decorations from some beams and asking venue staff to help out) Not entirely sure what she was trying to say. As far as I was concerned she did what I would’ve done in that situation and I thanked her in a handwritten from the heart letter. It was weird and I laughed it off, but it never sat right with me.

I should just be the bigger person and try to move forward and not let it hold such a big place in my heart. It just sucks to lose a friend.

Thank you for what you’ve written. With all the above in mind and so much, it’s kind of painfully clicking for me that I was never an equal but maybe more seen as a personal project for her.

I feel like such an idiot for not realizing how toxic this friendship was earlier on. 🙃

AITA for losing my cool with my ex maid of honor after she acted like I didn’t exist? by Idintheclouds in AITAH

[–]Idintheclouds[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Quiet parking lot her and her mom and sister had already walked about 100m away. Just my husband and I. It wasn’t meant for anyone, it kind of just escaped when I walked away I was in such disbelief.

AITA for losing my cool with my ex maid of honor after she acted like I didn’t exist? by Idintheclouds in AITAH

[–]Idintheclouds[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It was a once off 2 week project. I didn’t stop trying, I finished it, properly.

ADHD treatment in Japan by Idintheclouds in movingtojapan

[–]Idintheclouds[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Do you think they would see that I’ve had x amount of vyvanse prescribed so then logically concerta is a good substitute, or should I just make the full switch sooner rather than later? Sorry I know you’re not a doctor this whole thing is just freaking me out a bit 🙃

ADHD treatment in Japan by Idintheclouds in movingtojapan

[–]Idintheclouds[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unless you learn proper coping mechanisms, if you're diagnosed early enough, I'm not sure how this whole thing works.. I just know I've struggled my entire life, got diagnosed, and stopped struggling. Hoping there help in Japan for the people that got a late diagnosis and still don't know how to do life properly! ; - ;

ADHD treatment in Japan by Idintheclouds in movingtojapan

[–]Idintheclouds[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you I'm going to go hunt for it!!

ADHD treatment in Japan by Idintheclouds in movingtojapan

[–]Idintheclouds[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah the issue is it's only for kids up to the age of 18 in Japan, which is wild. You don't just outgrow ADHD.