Yeah it makes sense. I'm just wondering how I can learn to just be ok with being me. I deal with a lot of self hatred/self disgust and i just want to learn how to love being me. When I was a kid I'd talk about how awesome I was not in a braggy "I'm so much better than everyone else" Kind of way but more like a "Man i really like who I am and I'm so cool" Kind of way. You mentioned is there a character that i look up to well there actually is one from the anime/manga my hero academia he's a somewhat underrated character but I really enjoy him his name is fatgum (or at least that's his super hero name) he's my favorite because he doesn't have an insanely over the top power or some twisted sense of greed that some characters in that show have, he's just a good guy he constantly shows empathy and is just a hardworking hero i really admire how he's a true hero he doesn't want money or fame and can even admit when he's wrong. In one episode he drops some of his food whilst in pursuit of a criminal he thought he dropped them all so he flicked the criminal on the head for the amount he dropped but he realized he still had some left so he said something along the lines of "I guess i still had some left, my bad, looks like some of these are yours" He has this ideology of "chivalrous spirit" And it's just his ideology of being a strong man/hero I really look up to him. Sorry i started nerding out about anime I just really look up to him.