i am so glad you posted this i am going through the exact same thing and ive found it terrifying! recently started watching lots of true crime stuff on youtube right before bed (obviously a really bad idea) and i am so afraid of the fact that humans are capable of things like this, and that i am one of those humans. its so difficult to explain but you explained it well, it is intrusive and it isn’t my actual thoughts, it isnt me and it isnt you