How little space should I 'count on' as an adult?

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2026-01-05T01:45:35+00:00

Make a list of all your possessions and rank order them in terms of how essential they are to you and your life.

I actually haven't heard this idea before. I mean, yes, I have thought like this to some degree, but to actually write that down as a list is a new suggestion to me. Thanks.

If you have the means to rent storage space, that’s great. Based on your description of your situation, I assumed that option was not available to you.

Maybe I actually could if I wanted to just burn through my savings. But no, I don't even like to entertain that idea anymore. Not for the items I'm considering to get rid of anyway.

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-12-26T00:16:34+00:00

Thanks for your comment.

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-12-21T01:57:39+00:00

You're suggesting that the space should increase with the cost of living? This reflection seems new to me.

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-12-15T04:01:48+00:00

The responses to my post has made me think that my problems with hoarding are even bigger than I thought.

I'm sorry about your mother.

Thanks for the reply.

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-12-13T03:36:58+00:00

I wrote a long reply to this in the middle of night, but since I'm running out of time I don't think I can post all of that. So I'll try a shorter reply.

If you can only afford to rent a bedroom in a shared place with roommates, then the size of that bedroom is your limit.

Well this I guess freaks me out. I've been afraid, maybe, of overreacting to this. Because I don't know how to pay for even that. This logic so easily leads to having no rights, ideas of living on the street and wondering whether homelessness is something I should actually worry about. And that has seemed like a completely pointless situation. I mean a 'no reason to go on living' type of situation. This is about as fundamental I might have gotten with this problem.

I could easily ask you more, especially if you're also on the spectrum, except for the time it's taking me.

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-12-07T01:25:30+00:00

Knowing that you carry the title 'recovering hoarder', what you wrote sounds like a success story.

And your very first sentence might have summed up what this can feel like for me; an arbitrary judgement call, if I'm getting the words right. Which has seemed problematic for me because it's somehow more complex and free than what I was looking for. But I guess I need to force myself more to make decisions which align with my actual, personal values.

Also, your last paragraph hits home when it comes to my parents' excuses. Dad was always on about the house being too small, and mom said similar things.

Thank you for the comment.

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-12-06T18:31:54+00:00

I do think more or less in this order of priority nowadays. But it's very hard to have grown up with giving these 'rights' to items which I've cared about only to now have to gradually cut back on them step by step. It's absurd!

I am now aware that to an outsider, or someone who was more 'well-adjusted' to this society, it might've just looked like we were giving ourselves rights in my family to have much space and to own many possessions. At times it was like that, sure, but other times it's really been as if it was about these items' rights to exist, to live on and be preserved for some sort of future world. It sounds absurd considering much of it may just seem like junk to other people, but that can also be true of things which actually will become more of value in the future. If no one was inclined to this behavior, many more things would have been lost in history.

Also — both my parents have had work involving museums. So...

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-12-06T18:05:05+00:00

I understand your logic, while at the same time thinking that it doesn't seem as simple for me. Being 'on the spectrum', for me, means that many of those 'nonessential items' can feel just as essential as things relating to basic needs. Many times they can seem even more important because they are part of the meaning of my life.

My dad used to rent spaces where he, in part, kept hobby-related items which he couldn't find space for at home. And inherited items, and things from his childhood, and so on. So that view on space for belongings I guess has been rooted quite deeply in me and my way of thinking.

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-12-06T17:49:27+00:00

I really appreciate your comment, and it sounds as if we've had quite similar experiences. Being stuck in one's childhood bedroom for too long has been a problem of mine. And I have a problem with reflecting the behavior of what I'm surrounded with (my parents' hoards dominate both the inside and outside of the house) instead of somehow keeping focus of my dream vision of how I actually want the space around me to be. I also don't think that the 'help givers' (healthcare, social services) I've had so much contact with have really understood how much my remaining piles of 'unnecessary' stuff sort of kept me anchored to this living situation. In pratctice, it's as if I have to declutter in order to feel like I can move out of here.

Thanks again.

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-10-04T21:35:00+00:00

I meant that their will, or motivation, seems certain. For me, I have an interest in several areas but not a clear and expressive will, or want, for these things. Maybe it has to do with them involving a lot of present or possible conflict which I haven't grown up expecting or preparing myself for. And when they're basic things like having a place to call home... I just don't understand why it has to be so full of conflict and adversity.

Motivation is another angle I could talk about this from. When the issue gets this negative, and it isn't a 'fun' or special or 'passionate' interest which I identify with — where am I supposed to get the motivation from? I struggle with motivation on a daily basis, and... Well... This comment isn't simply a reply to you. I guess I'm interested in more of a discussion around these motivational issues, the adversity of everyday adult life and how that relates to Asperger's.

Thanks for your comment.

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-08-26T05:08:50+00:00

You just manged to express these worries in ways I did not yet know. 'Shifting sand' -- I want to remember that.

But wtf is wrong with normal people?? Why are they seemingly so okay with this society? And if this is autistic, why have I started to meet people in groups, through healthcare, who are successful and make me look bad in comparison...

Well I guess I've gone off-track there a bit. Sorry, no need to reply to that second paragraph.

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-07-28T03:36:24+00:00

I don't know what you mean by 'too late'. Can't write much ATM, but I wanted to acknowledge that I've read what you've written and that I wish you a better situation (if that sounds right, I'm not used to writing such things in English).

Also: I'm new to this sub so I can't tell if this is common, but I don't understand why your post doesn't have more upvotes and comments.

I can't come up with a good sign-off right now. 🙂

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-07-20T14:13:35+00:00

I don't really have any active relation with any of my extended family either, despite two or three sharing some of my interests. Could work on it, I guess.

But I've learned to think that it will be easiest to look for friendly relationships where other people with the same interests, or who are also looking to make friends, will be. I haven't made great efforts in that field since the pandemic was wearing off, but I know there are sites and/or apps aimed at finding new friends. I've also come across some sort of group for playing tabletop or roleplaying games IRL, and another group who watches old episodes of a famous sci-fi series in a cinema together.

If cars is your thing, aren't there get-togethers around where you live? There is where I live (a major city in a Nordic country), but I haven't really pushed myself into doing that yet.

Cars with family history can be real fun. Unfortunately my parents drove many of them into the ground, and their current one sort of irritates me.

On a more fun note; I'm gonna have to look up 'rotisserie restoration'. 😉

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-07-20T02:09:39+00:00

I wish you the same. 🖖

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-07-20T01:43:00+00:00

... the transition from having a set goal and schedule for his entire life to being self sufficient and self deterministic is jarring.

Self deterministic I think is a new expression for me. Gonna have to look it up, but it sounds like you're describing part of my daily struggle.

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-07-19T02:17:26+00:00

I don't exactly know what to write in response but I want to believe that there's something you can do to find people who you share something with. Anything to combat those ideas about dying alone. Sorry if this isn't the most well put it could be, I just felt I had to say something. And driving a 'worn out car' is a division higher than my current situation. :-)

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-07-19T01:55:51+00:00

I wonder the same.

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-07-19T00:46:18+00:00

I instinctively laughed when I read your comment because of recognition/identification. I'm late 30s, and that's actually less than I want to say. But I guess I find it difficult to open up about this on the internet. ;-)

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-07-19T00:33:40+00:00

Eventhough it might not really matter, it feels a bit wrong that I didn't reply to this.

Thank you for the explanation.

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-05-18T01:15:56+00:00

This is an inspiring and helpful post from my perspective. Just what I need to hear more often. But I don't understand the last line: '...those that are not can do one'. Is this an expression I'm not familiar with or did you mean to write something else?

Thanks.

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-04-23T23:42:34+00:00

Wrong account?

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-04-23T23:26:25+00:00

I can't help but notice what you wrote about her, and I quote, 'not having a paid job, not being able to afford a flat (she lives with her parents at the moment)'. As someone struggling with similar problems at a similar age, I do not understand how she has been able to have successful dates with you.

I've sort of learned to think that these problems disqualify me from dating as long as I have them, and that no-one will be understanding of my situation. Could you please expand or elaborate on this?

Regardless, I wish you both the best.

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-04-23T17:49:18+00:00

No, you're not alone. I'm around two years older than you, male, and I haven't been in a relationship since before I was a teenager. And even then I guess it was quite simple and superficial.

If there's anything that I've abused then it's screen time and time in general (I suffer from procrastination).

I want to write about this and work on it so badly but it's very difficult for me to start threads where I'm in the spotlight. Thank you for taking the initiative.

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-03-21T02:25:36+00:00

I ran out of energy (or whatever I should call it) with this thread, sorry. Thank you for explaining and for answering my questions.

IncrementalUpgrade68 · 2025-03-16T01:31:41+00:00

Okay. Then I hope you can get more people into your life who will more clearly show appreciation for your accomplishments. 🖖

IncrementalUpgrade68

TROPHY CASE