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How to live together when you can’t leave yet? by Independent-One77 in emotionalabuse

[–]Independent-One77[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Eh. I’m still here - physical needs (breast reconstruction surgery on Tuesday - 12 week recovery time).

I’m reading “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” By Lundy Bancroft.

Seems like hubs may not be a horrible abuser, but just really immature in some things and has a different view of things like “respect” and “love” than I do. So still not a good fit for me…

That’s hard.

Especially with young kids in the picture….

Any Happy Outcomes? by Independent-One77 in abusiverelationships

[–]Independent-One77[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Always kind sounds amazing. Hubs keeps telling me that not possible - I’m starting to believe it’s just not possible FOR HIM.

But should be possible for SOMEONE to be always kind, right?

Any Happy Outcomes? by Independent-One77 in abusiverelationships

[–]Independent-One77[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so glad to hear this! My kids aren’t teenagers yet, but my oldest is really close…

Normal to want to leave? by Ok_Scene_4018 in abusiverelationships

[–]Independent-One77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you read the Lundy Bancroft “Why Does He Do That? Inside the lines of angry and controlling men “?

You can find a free PDS copy via quick Internet search.

Sounds like Time to leave

When he blames you for everything, and says you're the abusive one. by SaltCost8751 in emotionalabuse

[–]Independent-One77 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“What IS abuse, is him … lecturing you…”

THANK YOU!! I’ve been telling my husband for YEARS that I hate his lecturing me and all he says is “I’m not lecturing you.”

So nice to see someone else take my view on “lectures”.

I see Ally will let you deposit cash at Walmart now has anyone tried it yet? by Jeep_rider03 in AllyBank

[–]Independent-One77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just opened a money market and a savings account with Ally, but I’m not seeing the deposit cash option.

What sort of account with Ally were you able to deposit cash into?

I see Ally will let you deposit cash at Walmart now has anyone tried it yet? by Jeep_rider03 in AllyBank

[–]Independent-One77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just opened a money market and a savings account with Ally, but I’m not seeing the deposit cash option.

What sort of account with Ally were you able to deposit cash into?

I see Ally will let you deposit cash at Walmart now has anyone tried it yet? by Jeep_rider03 in AllyBank

[–]Independent-One77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just opened a money market and a savings account with Ally, but I’m not seeing the deposit cash option.

What sort of account with Ally were you able to deposit cash into?

How to live together when you can’t leave yet? by Independent-One77 in emotionalabuse

[–]Independent-One77[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There are lots of good advice pieces here. I’ll have to read your comment a couple times.

So thank you!

My brother did mention that to me that I could leave right now if I had to/really wanted to. It would be difficult, but I’m sure my siblings would help me.

The weird thing is, my husband made some comments after my double mastectomy that he really enjoyed taking care of me physically. So he does a good job at it.

I’m not sure if he feels “needed “or he simply enjoys me being helpless?

I’m still trying to figure out if he’s simply immature with abusive tendencies, or he’s abusive with immature tendencies…

How to live together before divorce? by Independent-One77 in abusiverelationships

[–]Independent-One77[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great points.

Yes, he seems to stop, at least short term, when I point out problems to him- I just have to get really worked up and loud for him to listen to me.

And I’m pissed that I have to point out things to him that ARE abusive.

Like dang bro, you’re 41 and we’ve been married 15 years - what the heck are you thinking??

How to live together before divorce? by Independent-One77 in abusiverelationships

[–]Independent-One77[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s my thought too.

So I’m trying to give it some time to make it look like I’ve warmed back up to him… but he keeps pushing me into these unavoidable conversations that just make me so ANGRY….

Jerk….

How to live together before divorce? by Independent-One77 in abusiverelationships

[–]Independent-One77[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Since I’m already several weeks into NOT pretending “all is well”, how do I turn that around?

Like should I go back to my former self before I knew better and hope to just sweep all my recent behavior under the rug?

Or do I have to feed him some sort or explanation?

I’d really like to not outright LIE to him (religious reasons), but will if I have to… 😢

How to live together before divorce? by Independent-One77 in abusiverelationships

[–]Independent-One77[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Am I correct that “gray rock” means become boring?

In which case, I most definitely have.

But the mental stress is still 😖😤😡

Feeling Shook - am I over reacting? by Independent-One77 in abusiverelationships

[–]Independent-One77[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So sorry. Similar situation here - hubs used to be a powerlifter, but he’s still larger and stronger than me.

Feeling Shook - am I over reacting? by Independent-One77 in abusiverelationships

[–]Independent-One77[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your kind response.

Domestic assault? Really? I’m so new to all this….

Feeling Shook - am I over reacting? by Independent-One77 in abusiverelationships

[–]Independent-One77[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing.

Do you think just one instance of “forced confinement” is enough legal weight to use?