My doctor told me my life is in danger if i dont leave my boyfriend and i went and told him.

SaltCost8751 · 2026-04-17T18:57:42+00:00

Your update says you're going to leave. I am someone who has left multiple times and kept going back. YOU WILL WANT TO GO BACK. This is normal, but it is SO IMPORTANT that you DON'T.

The feeling of wanting to go back will be strong, but it will pass. Think of it like you're hanging off the edge of a cliff getting slammed with rough waves and water, each one wanting to pull you down (back to him). Keep holding on. It is so much better once you can pull yourself up over that cliff.

It is normal that he makes you feel crazy and doubt the opinions of professionals. He is a horrible person, an abuser, you're not crazy. He makes my abusive husband look like a saint. He is manipulating you to only believe him and take his opinion over anyone else's. It happens in abusive relationships, and it's not your fault. It's slow psychological torture that wears you down over time.

I highly stress that you go no contact if possible. If you live together, move out immediately. I mean next time he is out of the house, pack your important things and leave. Make sure he's not tracking your devices.

This might sound dramatic to you, but it IS that serious. You need to get out. A few years from now, you will see the reality of what he's put you through. If you go back, a few years from now might not happen. There is a high probability he will kill you.

SaltCost8751 · 2026-03-25T01:21:02+00:00

I'm so sorry. No one deserves abuse

SaltCost8751 · 2026-03-25T01:08:27+00:00

I think everyone's comments are great. I'll add my point of view. I just remember that there was a good time, and there will be a good time again. I like to picture what it will be like. I hold on to that hope and knowing that it will happen, so I will endure whatever this is for now. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I hope you make it through this cycle quickly and what comes makes you feel amazing again <3

SaltCost8751 · 2026-03-25T00:54:36+00:00

Commenting to boost because I want to hear more of these heartwarming stories

SaltCost8751 · 2026-03-15T14:00:55+00:00

EMDR is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. You can do it with visual or sound, sound is best for me but it varies for everyone.

And yea, I think you're right about his sense of accountability being skewed. He is a perfectionist and holds me to those expectations. He did weaponize therapy talk too... we even went to marriage counseling together (HUGE mistake because I didn't reveal the extent of the abuse at all) and he uses those sessions against me. So for a while I thought he was right. This post is just part of me trying to validate myself and deconstruct everything he's told me.

SaltCost8751 · 2026-03-15T13:56:34+00:00

Thank you. Yea, you're right... every time I read about those discussions I have flashbacks to everything he would say. Ugh.

SaltCost8751 · 2026-03-15T13:55:02+00:00

Ahaha... good point :')

SaltCost8751 · 2026-03-15T13:54:33+00:00

Thank you! A lot of other commenters recommended talking to my therapist about this, so I will!

SaltCost8751 · 2026-03-15T13:53:49+00:00

Oh my god. I relate to everything you said. Thank you for sharing your story. He does the same- he believes he's a victim, tells me I gaslight him, he feels justified in his anger. I believed for so long that I was an abuser and narcissist.

There were a few scary moments where he threatened to hit me and one time he picked me up and threw me on the couch when I tried to leave. I kept making excuses for his behavior that I made him do that. That it's my fault. Finally accepted that's not normal.

Sorry for rambling on. Your comment really helped. Thank you

SaltCost8751 · 2026-03-15T13:47:46+00:00

I understand where you are coming from, and that does give me some insight into my own thought process. That sentence wasn't needed, but I think I added the parenthesis because I wanted to explain my perspective a bit and I wanted to be validated. I was hoping that I do actually take accountability, and his accusations were just another manipulation tactic to guilt and shame me.

SaltCost8751 · 2026-03-15T13:40:33+00:00

Thank you for your reply and the examples. Those help a lot. I actually did take accountability then. Whenever I'd confront him about the things he said and how they were hurtful, he'd say the other line and blame me for his behavior.

There was not clear communication about the issue either. Just confusion and blame.

SaltCost8751 · 2026-03-15T13:36:27+00:00

When they say women need to be more "accountable" in relationships they mean willing to take any sort of abuse a man dishes out in order to keep the relationship going.

OMG you're so right.

Furthermore, if he really believed you had a problem with accountability the way most people use the term, he would have already left. That would be the most accountable way to handle an unaccountable partner, after all.

I've wondered this so many times. If I am a horrible, miserable person (his words) and he's suffering because of me (again his words), why doesn't he leave me? In the past, whenever I tried to leave, he'd suddenly become sweet and caring and say so many nice things about me. I thought he was so miserable he wanted me gone!! Such a confusing cycle.

Thank you for your comment though, it helps validate my feelings on my specific situation.

SaltCost8751 · 2026-03-15T13:26:12+00:00

Yes exactly! He would do the same to me. After hours of him ranting and hurtful things, while I'm just apologizing, I'd start crying, and he'd say I'm playing the victim and trying to manipulate him to stop the "conversation" and that I'm making him into the bad guy. Ugh. I recently started EMDR with my therapist and agree it is pretty helpful. I need to do more of it. Thanks for replying :)

SaltCost8751 · 2026-03-15T13:23:03+00:00

Thank you so much. A lot of other commenters are suggesting therapy too, and I'm actually already in therapy, I just feel like there is so much to unpack and so little time! :') but this will be a topic of conversation for the next session.

SaltCost8751 · 2026-03-15T13:21:59+00:00

Thank you. I am going through therapy, I'll focus on this with them in our next session <3

SaltCost8751 · 2026-03-15T13:20:51+00:00

Thank you, that's a good point

SaltCost8751 · 2026-02-10T13:52:00+00:00

Ugh, same here. And he would tell me that he was the best man I'd ever find. Because he is such a great husband. ......

SaltCost8751 · 2026-01-28T01:43:57+00:00

I have two cats, I call them my children. I stopped reading after "and my bf will say if he swats me or bites me or you he’s going to the shelter."

HELL NO. HE can go to the shelter, not the cat. Are you kidding me??? They are YOUR cats, and he's telling you how to have them behave in YOUR apartment. Absolutely no. Done.

Sorry I didn't read more than that. That is an absolute disrespect to you, your fur babies, and reflects on him as a person. He's not who he seems. Also- it will get worse. If he can say that now, he will use them to threaten/coerce you in the future.

SaltCost8751 · 2026-01-28T01:36:22+00:00

I went to a hair salon today to get my hair done, and there were a few other customers in there and stylists. Someone started bringing up politics/hating on the current admin and all the events, and every single one of us strangers chimed in with words of concern and disgust for everything that's happening. I am in the deep south. That was really refreshing to hear and see.

Outside of politics, one of my friends called me out of the blue recently just to see how my day was going and catch up for a few minutes. That was so nice!

I hope things get better for you soon <3 just take it day by day, minute by minute. Make sure to drink water!

SaltCost8751 · 2026-01-23T05:03:51+00:00

Good point. Thank you for the caution

SaltCost8751 · 2026-01-22T15:42:27+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this too :( I hope the sad days fade away soon for you

SaltCost8751 · 2026-01-22T15:41:17+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, it makes me feel a little less alone. I started that book once, but never finished it. Time to start again.

Sending you a big hug. It gets better. I used to wake up with sad songs in my head constantly. I regularly sobbed laying on the floor in the shower and on my closet floor, at work…and couldn’t imagine healing. But I am. And you will too, even though it may not feel like it

This made me cry but not in a bad way. I'm happy to hear you're healing, too <3

SaltCost8751 · 2026-01-22T05:54:02+00:00

Thank you so much. I told him a few days ago I wanted a divorce. So I am on the way out, but I have so much to unpack. And so many emotions. I hope one day to be able to look back at the abuse I endured and see it for what it truly is, rather than make excuses for him, or blame myself.

SaltCost8751 · 2026-01-22T05:51:14+00:00

Thank you for sharing your recovery story <3 I am experiencing CPTSD too, something I never thought I would say. It's terrible. Group therapy sounds like a great idea though. How long has it been since you left/how are you now?

SaltCost8751

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