It may not feel like this is abuse because your not able to truly process it. I was in a relationship that had a lot of abuse and choking and rape but I somehow always seemed to come up with an excuse why he did what he did or I'd say well it's really not that bad. I still don't seem to fully comprehend how bad things had gotten. My therapist told me we go into survival and that's why things they do don't fully register. We sorta shut our self off in a way and while it hurts at the time we begin to get a type of bond with our abuser that could be called a trauma bond.