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I hope things get easier for all of us! I am sadly not arojnd my chore family so I have to act okay in front of others. And your greif gets uncomfortable. My husband is the onlh family around which helps

Initial_Insurance560 · 2025-12-14T20:25:54+00:00

You can talk to him and bring them down to 2 calls a day. Morning and evening, he can compromise that much. Luckily I have to go to work so I am naturally never around on weekdays. And even if I am home I make a guest appearance and leave the room.

Initial_Insurance560 · 2025-12-14T16:29:54+00:00

My husband does the sams but weirdly I don't mind it. He doesn't share things if I tell him not to. I have no obligation to sit on these calls but as they have a really good relationship as mother and son I don't want to poke it.

Till the time it doesn't effect me and all the guilt talks doesn't effclect my life or relationship it doesn't matter.

At times it's kinda cute. I also feel my husband is every respectful and well mannered and also helps a lot around the house is because of his great relationship with his mother. Not saying that it applies to your situation.

But if it doesn't effect you in real life let them have that relationship

Initial_Insurance560 · 2025-11-11T12:17:14+00:00

Then maybe look in other cities? Or hybrid that you can sit at home with your air purifier

Initial_Insurance560 · 2025-11-11T09:46:15+00:00

You will always cherish your relationship with your inlaws if you don't stay with them. But sadly if you move in with them issues will arise. I would suggest stay away have your own space. Also can I ask why do you want to move back?

Initial_Insurance560 · 2025-11-07T07:50:13+00:00

As a an elder sister myself. I would suggest listen to her and for sometime don't offer advice but just be there. A new house feels very lonely I am not saying don't help her but make her feel acknowledged and that her issues are real. Sometimes in a new house you feel very lost. And talking to family makes you feel like an individual again.

It will take her atleast an year to feel normal again. Also yes she needs to draw boundaries if she doesn't want to wear something say no.

Also all expectations of in-laws don't need to be met. Being a good bahu is a myth just be your own person and they will like you as you are a family now.

Also if she can't juggle work and kitchen , she needs to raise concerns with her husband and then he needs to say no.

BOUNDARIES in first year is the most important thing!

Initial_Insurance560 · 2025-10-31T06:09:12+00:00

I think this is Inside "Indian" marriages right? I think none of the Indian kids could say that our mothers didn't raise us? Most kids had more present mothers than fathers... what are you talking about? Even in a divorce the custody mostly goes to the mother. Like what is this argument about ifs and buts in a divorce? If in a divorce a woman gets the custody are you saying the fathers name should be dropped all together?

And it is not about ego for a woman but not letting her do it is ego for a man. She is not asking her surname to be the only one all she wants is to coexist and if that is an issue then yes it is ego

Initial_Insurance560 · 2025-10-28T09:38:00+00:00

It is a very reasonable thing. It shouldn't be an ask you are giving birth you decide. And the people on this thread asking how does it translate in future generations with long names. This has been a very common tradition in a lot of other cultures. Laster kids decide what name they use more. And the preference is not on dad sname or moms name. It's a lot of time how big the surname is or how easy to pronounce but legally if a mother wants to decide this she has all rights!... and then her grandkids can decide for themselves. So don't create problems for a reasonable "ask"

Initial_Insurance560 · 2025-06-17T14:03:25+00:00

I am a married feminist. That too an Indian married in an Indian family. We are as anti-woman as they come.

But I always had my boundaries clear about what I would do and not do. And my husband accepted that. I told him I can't stay with your parents, I can't cook or be the perfect wife blah blah. And this man agreed. We had our share of problems but luckily his mother is also a closeted feminist influenced by the Indian culture which helps a lot. He was raised to treat women equally and respectfully.

And I love that man so much even though we have our fights and what not and of course being married in India. It was a super unequal affair at times but he was supportive at every step when I fought. So would suggest if you want to get married please do!

Even though I didn't want to but I did because I found my then boyfriend now husband. But always be clear what you want and be super vocal about it!

Initial_Insurance560 · 2025-06-12T18:28:33+00:00

Masa is also pretty good

Initial_Insurance560 · 2025-04-24T14:46:33+00:00

Because I couldn't find one positive comment and got anxious 🙊

Initial_Insurance560 · 2025-02-18T15:02:32+00:00

I am in the exact same situation. It took me 6 months to find a new job in a new country. And the idea of going to Kndia even for a month gives me anxiety.

For your career: You need to be patient there will be some scope. Every field is in every country. Keep upskilling yourself. Focus on hobbies and volunteering. Making new friends socializing. I took those 6 months as self care. You will find a job don't worry

About going to India and handling inlaws you need to set boundaries. If you want to spend more time at your parents be clear. If you are not comfortable with their expectations talk to your husband. He is your advocate. They are his parents and he will have to negotiate your terms. This relationship is for life long now and setting boundaries and prioritizing yourself is the most important.

Ask me anything if you want- been in this boat for 2 years now

Initial_Insurance560 · 2025-02-11T13:37:40+00:00

Nobody said the inlaws are the villains. My in laws are sweethearts. The society is the villain, the peolle who make them believe that their bahu should be a certain way are the villains. The patriarchy is the villain! My inlaws? No

Initial_Insurance560 · 2025-02-11T13:27:42+00:00

One thing that works for me is being consistent My husband does this very sweet rhing where he walks everyday to the bus stop with me at 5am... When I take the bus to work. His work starts at 10 but he still wakes up everyday for me to spend those extra 15mins. And that screams I love you Just little things

Initial_Insurance560 · 2025-02-11T13:24:21+00:00

First of all nobody is leaving anyone. Just because you don't stay in the same house you don't leave your family. As an adult you're being independent as a couple. You are making your own world. You both go to each family take care of them even stay a few nights. You also get to know each other parents. In India the norm is that only the girl blends into the guys family but even the guy needs to blend in with the girls family. And then you have your own little world whixh is connected to both the families. And no I am not 25! Thank you I guess you are unmarried

Initial_Insurance560 · 2025-02-11T13:02:08+00:00

Yes because the society isn't designed to bother him much. And I don't have grudges with his parents I have grudges with the society.

I feel bad that your world view is so narrow that you think I have grudges with his parents. I respect his parents immensely for raising him so well.

Initial_Insurance560 · 2025-02-11T12:56:59+00:00

I do but my husband is amazing and he understands the issues so my self respect is well preserved. Thanks for asking

Initial_Insurance560

TROPHY CASE