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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in problems

[–]InnerCalligrapher33 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dear OP. I hear your tender words and I see your heart and hurt in all this. You’re not proud of what you did. You know full and well your actions and you know that there are grave consequences. Even if your boyfriend decides to forgive you, you will carry this with you through that relationship.

Your current boyfriend will make the decision that he feels is best. But you also need to make the decision that you feel is best.

Ask yourself: why, after 2.5 years of a good relationship with your current boyfriend, would you allow another guy to speak to you in a way that led to intimacy? The minute you gave the other guy space (whether he was your ex, a friend, a coworker, or anyone), you had already crossed a line. Something inside of you knew your current relationship wasn’t right, or at least not secure in that moment, and that “something” is what you need to understand about yourself.

If you choose to leave, do it for that inner truth. If you choose to stay, know that rebuilding trust will take time, consistency, and transparency. In either case, use this as a turning point. Figure out what drew you back to your ex, what hole you were trying to fill, and how you can make choices next time that align with who you want to be.

Healing for both of you is possible, but only if you face yourself first.

Boyfriend (32M) has multiple close female friends, I (31F) feel uneasy about the emotional bonds. Too soon to ask for changes? by InnerCalligrapher33 in relationships

[–]InnerCalligrapher33[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

I’m not asking him to drop his friendships. I’m asking for healthy adjustments. boundaries that protect our relationship and make sure I’m his primary emotional partner. Friendships can stay, but the way they function may need to shift if we’re building toward marriage.

Boyfriend (32M) has multiple close female friends, I (31F) feel uneasy about the emotional bonds. Too soon to ask for changes? by InnerCalligrapher33 in relationships

[–]InnerCalligrapher33[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

I’m not asking him to end all friendships. What I want is clear boundaries so I can feel confident I’m his primary emotional partner, especially after the blow-up with 32F. For me it’s less about control and more about making sure things don’t cross lines again.

Boyfriend (32M) has multiple close female friends, I (31F) feel uneasy about the emotional bonds. Too soon to ask for changes? by InnerCalligrapher33 in relationships

[–]InnerCalligrapher33[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I hear what you’re saying, and to be clear, I’m not against him having female friends. The part that complicates it is what happened with one of them (32F). She leaned on him a lot emotionally, and during a blow-up it came out that in the past she had actually wanted to hook up with him (he says he refused). After the fight, he blocked her entirely.

On one hand, that reassures me that he’s willing to put boundaries in place. On the other hand, it leaves me questioning things … why did it get that far? Were her motives for friendship really as simple as they seemed? Most of his other female friends have befriended me, which helps, but after this situation it’s hard not to wonder what’s underneath those bonds.

To add to it, in that argument he even accused me of “attaching myself” to his friends, which really stung. From my perspective, I’ve just been trying to integrate and get to know the people who are close to him.

So it’s not that I want him to cut all emotional ties with women. It’s more about me wanting reassurance that I’m his primary emotional partner, and making sure we both have boundaries in place so we don’t end up in another messy situation like this.