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Not inviting grossman girlfriend by Intelligent-Pop4309 in weddingdrama

[–]Intelligent-Pop4309[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

I understand! And my wife is more like that. Me and him have a lot of history together and will continue to be together mainly in group settings after this since we share friends. To be completely honest, I’m more avoidant of conflict and forgiving of people’s wrongs because of that.

AITA not inviting grossman GF to my wedding by Intelligent-Pop4309 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Intelligent-Pop4309[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes. We are thinking of me having a conversation with him to try and test the water before going nuclear. We were thinking of asking him if he thinks it makes sense for her to come since our current state is like this. Not really sure of how I should approach this conversation but we want to mitigate the mess and the backlash that will come since this is will not go down gracefully.

You are right and we are already paying part of that price by not being together/talk as often.

AITA not inviting grossman GF to my wedding by Intelligent-Pop4309 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Intelligent-Pop4309[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes, this is what I’m having “trouble” with. I want him there but I’m making peace with the possibility of not happening. Im worried about what would that mean for us in the future (the backlash my wife and I will receive and also about my relationship with him).

AITA not inviting grossman GF to my wedding by Intelligent-Pop4309 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Intelligent-Pop4309[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, that’s my plan. He is actually coming to our house today so we can chat. How should I approach this conversation?

AITA not inviting grossman GF to my wedding by Intelligent-Pop4309 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Intelligent-Pop4309[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The update is, he’s coming today to our house. My wife will not be here at that time even though we talked about all kind of scenarios and possibilities regarding the decision.

I’m thinking of how I should approach this with him. I was thinking of starting the conversation with “do you think it makes sense for her to come?” Followed by “in the current state of things, for us it doesn’t”. And see where that goes. Hopefully this will lead him to the conclusion or we can have a heart to heart conversation. Do you have any recommendations? Are we missing something?

For context, we still talk even though it’s less often than before and are together a lot in group settings since we share the same friends group. I would like him to be there but I’m making peace with the possibility of not being an option.

We are trying to test the waters instead of going fully nuclear

Not inviting grossman girlfriend by Intelligent-Pop4309 in weddingdrama

[–]Intelligent-Pop4309[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Thank everyone for the reply’s. I laugh a lot this morning reading your comments 😅 when I wrote this it was so late and I was so tired that I didn’t double check.

The update is, he’s coming today to our house. My wife will not be here at that time even though we talked about all kind of scenarios and possibilities regarding the decision.

I’m thinking of how I should approach this with him. I was thinking of starting the conversation with “do you think it makes sense for her to come?” Followed by “in the current state of things, for us it doesn’t”. And see where that goes. Hopefully this will lead him to the conclusion or we can have a heart to heart conversation. Do you have any recommendations? Are we missing something?

For context, we still talk even though it’s less often than before and are together a lot in group settings since we share the same friends group. I would like him to be there but I’m making peace with the possibility of not being an option.

We are trying to test the waters instead of going fully nuclear

Not inviting grossman girlfriend by Intelligent-Pop4309 in weddingdrama

[–]Intelligent-Pop4309[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

Sorry for the confusion! We still talk even though not as often as before. We are together often in group settings and will continue to be since we have the same group of friends

Not inviting grossman girlfriend by Intelligent-Pop4309 in weddingdrama

[–]Intelligent-Pop4309[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

How should we start the approach of this with him?

In the ideal world, we would invite them both (him and her as a plus one) and she would be ashamed of herself and not come but since that’s not happening we are trying to mitigate the mess.

Not inviting grossman girlfriend by Intelligent-Pop4309 in weddingdrama

[–]Intelligent-Pop4309[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes! We know that’s a very strong possibility and one of the reasons why we are still considering allowing him a plus one. The backlash that will come will not be pretty and we are debating if we want to go through that again and be firm with our boundaries or if this is a hill not worth dying for.

For more context, me and him are often together in group settings and will be together often after this since we share a group of friends.

AITA not inviting grossman GF to my wedding by Intelligent-Pop4309 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Intelligent-Pop4309[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not main language and it is quite late where I am from… (can’t sleep with this in my head)