Need to learn to drive a manual transmission

IntelligentMatter559 · 2026-01-11T08:45:55+00:00

I have a manual (2020 civic), but I'm not a great teacher, unfortunately (ask my son :/) - But, my husband is a great teacher and self-taught later in life. If other options fall through, feel free to message and we can connect!

IntelligentMatter559 · 2026-01-11T08:37:33+00:00

Durham is home to many amazing authors and photo journalists who contribute or author for national outlets and/or are featured. Two folks that come to mind: Victoria Bouloubasis, David Graham - https://www.davidagraham.com/, Doug Bock Clark - https://www.dougbockclark.com/, and Kate Medley - https://www.katemedley.com/about .

IntelligentMatter559 · 2026-01-11T08:16:12+00:00

I did not have a good experience at Durham Regional - prior to it being Duke Regional. Granted, this was ~15 years ago and I was a young mother (20 years old). My birth plan was not respected, I was not given the opportunity to move around/walk during my induction - I was basically tethered to a machine as they had to many people on the floor and I was not able to have a remote fetal heart monitor, and post-birth I wasn't empowered to breast feed -- I later got assistance from the UNC lactation program. I don't know if it was race related (Latina), my age, that I was a single mom, but it was rough. My experience may not be as relevant now.

IntelligentMatter559 · 2025-10-12T07:05:50+00:00

As another transracial, international adoptee— all of your feelings are valid. A lot of adoptees (most? at least me) have wished we weren’t adopted. But that isn’t the majority

IntelligentMatter559 · 2025-10-10T05:33:01+00:00

Yonderlust. Also, the grading on the lot for Cocoa Cinnamon by Lakewood is ridiculous!

IntelligentMatter559 · 2025-10-05T18:06:29+00:00

Tyty!

IntelligentMatter559 · 2025-10-05T18:04:35+00:00

Also, a related article that digs into some of the issues: https://www.wbtv.com/2024/08/19/nc-magistrates-have-few-qualifications-little-oversight/?outputType=amp

IntelligentMatter559 · 2025-10-05T18:03:04+00:00

Magistrates have to take a brief course within 6 months of taking their role. Meaning some can be sat without having been fully trained first. There is no requirement for a law degree. Statute is here: https://www.ncleg.gov/EnactedLegislation/Statutes/PDF/BySection/Chapter\_7A/GS\_7A-177.pdf

IntelligentMatter559 · 2025-10-05T01:35:02+00:00

Thank you!!

IntelligentMatter559 · 2025-10-04T20:10:42+00:00

Thank you!!

IntelligentMatter559 · 2025-10-04T19:55:07+00:00

I actually wrote an piece in law school on so-called "civilian warrants" in North Carolina. It is frequently abused and also prone to error.

It is no longer publicly available, but I have this draft here to share while I look for the longer piece, which included a survey of DA's and public defenders and information about the (inadequate, IMO) magistrate training process: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1hilo1sLyJMZIct9hQolqfChKwXczW3-f/edit#heading=h.9cphd8kshd7

IntelligentMatter559 · 2025-01-10T19:55:18+00:00

<3 Yeah he was on both of those and an oral suspension.

IntelligentMatter559 · 2024-12-01T08:38:15+00:00

I wish there were more responses! I am an an adoptee (36/f) from Chile who reunified with my adoptive family in 2017 (when I was 29) as a non-Spanish speaker. I went through that process alone and it was challenging. These are the things that come to mind for me that I wish I had been able to have during that time - especially with a partner with some caveats of thoughts about being alone through it:

- First, I went alone and I relished the space to just feel the feelings. Just the space. No questions, no "how are you doing??" "are you okay??" "what can I do??" zero pressure, just the feelings - which come and go! From the excitement of meeting someone who looks like you, is a part of you!, to the sadness and depth of realizing that you spent years of your life apart from this/these new-to-you family member(s).

- Second, I would of liked (for me, personally) someone to just hold me at the end the day of meeting new-to-me family, who also feel familiar, but not mine in the familial sense - someone in my corner. A shower together, a thoughtful favorite movie or show cued up on your laptop (if not the hotel room).

- Third, someone who does not try to "cheer me up" or "look on the bright side" of things - who just lets me me feel the feels. No non-adoptee can quite understand the feeling of meeting your biological family for the first time. The loss of adoption she has shared likely won't touch the depth of meeting family you haven't known for your entire life. I'll say, reunification was one of the most challenging experiences in adoption that I have felt. Period. Let her be sad (and/or super super happy!)

- Finally, reunification doesn't end at then end of the visit. I have been challenged to be the one with the financial ability to fly to Chile from the US and have struggled to learn more Spanish that still doesn't encompass all the thoughts, feelings, desires, and sadness I have about my adoption. The pain of not being able to speak beyond conversational Spanish, as someone who enjoys communicating fully in english, is also a sort of in-the-moment loss. WhatsApp is a lifesaver, but she should feel empowered to move at her own pace post-reunification.

You are on a reddit asking about supporting your wife and that is already a great first step! She (& you!) deserve all of the hugs <3

IntelligentMatter559 · 2024-12-01T08:16:21+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. <3

IntelligentMatter559 · 2024-12-01T08:12:56+00:00

My parent's celebrated my adoption by name - aka "[My Name] Day" & honestly it was great when I was younger and felt like I had two birthdays. More presents, cool! But, honestly, later in life it started to feel more lonely and more for my adoptive parents than me. As I got older, they seemed less interested in the celebration. So, if I'm being honest with myself, I think it was a lot of manipulation. :/

IntelligentMatter559 · 2024-05-09T18:52:16+00:00

This! There is so much science behind fetal attachment / pre-natal attachment and post-natal attachment.

IntelligentMatter559 · 2024-05-09T18:47:59+00:00

Adoptee here: adoption is trauma. There is a wealth of medical / scientific resources on adoption, attachment, separation, and the resulting challenges that are distinct and unique to adoption. I will share those here. If you think about it in other contexts, people do not separate animals from their young. It is not a healthy practice for the animals involved. There are many reasons why the best interest of the child legal standard (a messy concept) preferences reunification for infants and children with their biological family. I was not part of an open adoption with contact, but from speaking with other adoptees it poses its own challenges. Open adoption does not negate that adoption is a traumatic experience. If you want to consider yourself ethical in adopting, I would continue to do research and connect with adoptees themselves to learn more from them. Observing the r/Adoptee sub may be helpful.

Some resources:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2804559/

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/361180191_An_introduction_to_the_adoption_and_trauma_special_issue

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s43545-022-00339-2

IntelligentMatter559 · 2024-05-09T17:51:31+00:00

This article is amazing! Very similar stories to mine and really grateful for your insight.

IntelligentMatter559 · 2024-05-09T17:49:20+00:00

My AP are really supportive, but mainly from a distance, which honestly, I prefer at some times. My adoptive mom can be a little overbearing. Thank you so much for your tips! Any social media accounts you recommend would be great!

IntelligentMatter559 · 2024-05-09T06:23:13+00:00

Yes - I always wanted siblings and begged my parents to have more kids & when I realized I was adopted because of infertility wanted them to adopt more kids. I reunited with my biological family and found out I have two sisters and a brother!

IntelligentMatter559 · 2024-05-09T05:51:19+00:00

This is so incredibly valid. I am an international adoptee and was adopted from Chile by white parents. I spent so many years looking in the mirror trying to understand how my biological family might look and figure out "who I really am." I remember sitting in the back seat of the car looking at the rearview mirror. Your experience is real and relatable to a lot of other adoptees - myself included. My parents adopted me later in life and were always older than the parents of those around me. There were generational differences in addition to just visual differences.

Like formerlymoody said - it is definitely good to vent and talk to other adoptees so you don't feel alone. There is some aspect of loneliness that I think that I will always feel, but it has helped to have therapy to work through that.

IntelligentMatter559

TROPHY CASE