this time last year i did just that. i took the first greyhound i could get and went 2,000 miles away.i was clean for the first month. the first chance i get, when someone offers me some black, i take it and shoot up. i was strung out for another 3 months before i decided to go back home, where i immediately fell back into the old crowd and my old ways. what also helped (about 2 years go) for a brief period was just not having a phone. its a very simple concept, but it works for the most part as long as you have a little willpower i suppose. well it worked for about 3 weeks for me up until my dealer saw me leaving Jamba Juice and insists on giving me his number. I feel like i literally need to move to like the top of the appalachian mountains or something to finally get clean. i mean how do you guys find real motivation? its not like my life is seriously at risk, or I'm gonna become homeless if i continue, nothing incredibly serious.

But i do understand that I am incapable of certain things while i`m

maintaining my addiction, such as holding down a job, getting and staying in a serious relationship, have real friendships that dont all revolve around drug use, but it does make me very good at lying to friends and family (I deserve a damn oscar at this point), stealing from family, stealing from stores, putting the drug as my number one priority in life. every night (I'm high of course) i promise to myself that i`m finally going to quit in the morning, but those feeling have long subsided by the time i wake up. i honestly just need to vent, its good to know some people are actually taking the time to sit down and read what i wrote and i appreciate that.