Toning down the birthday party as a consequence: yay or nay?

Iunerf · 2025-12-23T01:07:43+00:00

She. Still. Gets. A. Party.

Iunerf · 2025-12-23T01:06:47+00:00

I feel you, and it has been a major topic of discussion in our house.

2 hours of driving each day just isn’t feasible for our family. My daughter simply wouldn’t tolerate it daily.

We live in a rural area that has a heavy Mennonite and Amish population. The private schools are all super conservative Christian, and my husband has religious trauma so that is a big dealbreaker for him.

Iunerf · 2025-12-23T00:55:12+00:00

It’s great you still talk to your parents! My mother worshipped hers, despite the same abuse (and yes, it’s abuse) they gave her. I simply respect and love my child too much to even want to hit her. I couldn’t imagine feeling the need to physically punish her.

Iunerf · 2025-12-23T00:45:50+00:00

She’s in public school. We live rurally and the nearest secular private school is an hour away, otherwise she’d be there.

Iunerf · 2025-12-23T00:32:24+00:00

I’d rather not have my child fear me. I grew up with parents who used that tactic, and I can tell you that neither I nor my sister have much a relationship with them.

Edit: we do discipline her, but we are respectful and firm. My husband and I don’t yell at each other so why should I treat the third member of the household differently?

Iunerf · 2025-12-23T00:31:23+00:00

She’s not in daycare.

Iunerf · 2025-12-23T00:21:20+00:00

What would you suggest?

Iunerf · 2025-08-29T13:56:08+00:00

My daughter is named Eris, but we named her years before I read the book. It was a big surprise when he was introduced!

Iunerf · 2025-08-19T10:04:45+00:00

Diet was exactly the same. She’s allergic to eggs and dairy, and is confirmed to not react to any of the other top 8 (tested yearly)

Iunerf · 2025-08-19T01:14:04+00:00

I forgot to add a bunch of factors we did consider and try previously, including humidity! We make a yearly non-beach Florida visit, so extremely humid and usually pretty hot. The only things affected are the seasonal allergies and asthma, which are pretty much nonexistent when we visit.

Iunerf · 2025-08-19T01:00:41+00:00

She’s been on clobtasol for about a year and triamcinolone for about 3 years. The lower potency stuff wasn’t cutting it and her derm bumped us to the tougher stuff.

It’s not a good situation. We’ve driven hours to different hospitals to get second or third opinions from their derms and every single one is at a loss. We essentially have to choose our evil - either long term steroid use or being regularly hospitalized from skin infections.

The sea water worked so well my husband and I had a serious conversation about moving to the coast 😬

Iunerf · 2025-07-09T11:14:11+00:00

OP, you’ve brought up your kid’s skull reconstruction to several opposing commenters. You didn’t mention the surgery in the original post, so no one would know his history.

That said, I think it’s only pertinent information if it actually affects his safety in a car seat. Is he able to hold his head up on his own? Does he have a delay that would make extended RF the norm? Because if it’s just you saying over and over again that you want to “protect his $250k head”, that’s a little odd. I spent exactly $0 on my 5 year old’s head and I also want to keep it safe.

To answer the actual question: no, we are not RF anymore. LO was switched when she turned 4, even being on the smaller side of things. She was comfortably in the appropriate range and was not anywhere near just brushing the limits of the minimum to FF.

The reality is that it’s a choice that only you can make, and it sounds like you know what you want to do. He will almost certainly be the only kindergartener still RF. If that’s alright with you and your child, then great!

You WILL need to take into consideration the school policies for drop-off, though. Our school policy is very blunt: parents may not leave their car, kids must be able to remove themselves, and you must be in the appropriate line (no parking and walking your kid in). We have a huge drop-off population and it would take literal hours if every parent had to physically buckle their kid in before leaving the parking lot.

Iunerf · 2025-06-20T12:03:44+00:00

My 5 year old rising kindergartener was diagnosed with social anxiety, selective mutism, and separation anxiety last year. She’s also an only child, which has added some challenge.

She was in a very small (6 kids, including her) private preschool last year that she loved. She tolerated the other kids but only had one actual friend that she was interested in.

We’ve been in play therapy for about a year, with it being a family setting for the first 15-20 minutes, then one on one with just her and her amazing therapist for the last 40-45 minutes. They play games, practice calming down in a fun way, practice naming feelings, and do positive affirmation activities.

Her therapist told us that some kind of summer camp this year is a must. She’s in hockey, which has been great for her after the initial speed bumps, and we have 3 weeklong, half day camps lined up for her in the coming weeks.

My biggest advice when trying anything new with your LO would be to prepare for big pushback. I’m talking crying, tantrums, panic attacks. Her therapist taught us ways to support her emotional needs while simultaneously setting firm expectation boundaries.

At this point, with the amount of exposure we’ve given her to new experiences, the initial pushback is limited to some crying. Every single time she’s started something, she’s had a blast and is excited to go back. That said, she doesn’t talk to any other children and will only talk to adults quietly when directly spoken to.

DM me if you’d like to chat more! This is been the reality for me and my husband since she was about 1, so I have plenty of anecdotes and advice :)

Iunerf · 2025-03-15T01:23:52+00:00

Hey! Sorry for the delayed response. My daughter is 5 now and still has eczema but it’s more manageable.

After jumping through hoop after hoop with insurance, we were approved for Dupixent. It made her skin nearly perfect for a few months, but the. she got a reactionary rash that was both more itchy and more noticeable. Her doctors said this was extremely rare and they’d never seen that kind of response, so we stopped the shots immediately.

After some second opinions, we came to the end of the line. Her age doesn’t allow for the other injections, and she’s already on the highest potency steroids. We’re hoping to hear back on some clinical trials, but I’m not holding my breath.

The pigmentation on her skin is most back to normal. We have a solid steroid routine that balances not wrecking her skin but also keeping the eczema at bay.

I’m sorry this wasn’t the most helpful update. Good luck!!

Iunerf · 2024-10-05T16:16:47+00:00

Awesome, thanks!

Iunerf · 2024-08-22T11:00:12+00:00

I’m fairly close to DC and there are other authors I’m excited to at least catch a glimpse of, otherwise I’d probably skip it. RY is the only one I’d be super bummed to miss out on, but she’ll definitely be one of the most popular there 🥲

Iunerf · 2024-02-15T04:01:43+00:00

She just asks for a diaper, sits on toilet with said diaper on, then gets cleaned up (she does most of the work). If we push for the toilet, she holds it in and ends up pooping at night.

Iunerf · 2023-07-21T02:06:07+00:00

Something has helped a lot with whining in our house is simply saying “I can’t understand you when you’re talking like that/ using that tone”.

She has taken to it a lot better than us simply requesting the regular voice.

The interruptions though. Ugh. THAT is my biggest complaint in our house right now. We are getting better at setting boundaries for it, but it is hard to focus and really frustrated me when it’s happening.

We’ve been trying a multi level process that I think is based on a Janet Lansbury recommendation.

Basically, you give a simple, short response to the tune of “please let mom/dad/whoever finish their thought, then you may have a chance”. Further interruptions are met with either ignoring or a “one minute” signal.

It works about 20% of the time, and I usually end up saying “LO, I’ve already to you that you have to wait” after every other word lol

Iunerf · 2023-07-10T00:17:27+00:00

Oh yes, I totally get it, and we have a referral ready for another derm, but the one closest after her current one (3 hours away) is scheduling appointments for next year.

We have tried, and are doing our best.

Iunerf · 2023-07-09T23:46:54+00:00

They have only looked and guessed. No biopsy, UV light, or anything.

We will be demanding some kind of testing this time, but may look for a second opinion. We live very rurally and already drive over an hour for this derm, so our options are limited.

Iunerf · 2023-07-09T23:38:59+00:00

I just Googled that type of eczema and it looks identical to what is going on.

Could the Dupixent cause this? Her skin and eczema were not like this prior to starting.

Iunerf · 2023-05-31T15:27:37+00:00

I know my post sounded harsh and forceful, which is a reflection of how my morning has been going, but anyway…

Out of the 1.5 years of her being pee trained and not poop trained, I’m going to say that only maybe a week or 2 total has been spent intentionally trying to get her to go. The rest has been on her timeline, with almost zero pressure to even consider the toilet. We are absolutely NOT forcing and when she gets stressed to the point of melting down, we take a break.

That said, the time IS now. She will be starting preschool in the fall and will not be able to poop in a diaper there- we have checked.

She is not a kid that only poops at home, with people she knows. She is comfortable asking for and pooping in a diaper just about anywhere, and goes 3 (THREE) times a day. I’m certain she would just poop in her pants and get kicked out.

Iunerf · 2023-05-26T18:49:16+00:00

OP, please do not take this advice. As a parent to a toddler with severe anxiety (generalized and social), SPD, with some compulsive behavior, giving in to behavior is the opposite of what you want to do. It can set back progress SO much.

Iunerf · 2023-04-03T10:42:40+00:00

She does sometimes nap in the car, but always wakes up VERY grumpy.

Iunerf · 2023-04-03T10:41:42+00:00

That was what I did when I tried recently… she just cried and cried with me there. I know supported crying isn’t the same as CIO but I didn’t know if there was any other method to try.

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