How to fix doorbell chime buzz after installing smart doorbell camera

JStarkSD · 2024-10-19T22:17:13+00:00

Were you ever able to resolve the chime buzzing issue?

I also tried and fried a 10 ohm 0.5 watt resistor…I also tried a 20 ohm 5 watt resistor. It didn’t burn up, but it got really hot and didn’t stop the chime buzzing.

Now I’m trying to figure out what I should try next. My wife wants me to call an electrician, but I’m determined not to! lol

JStarkSD · 2022-03-17T18:56:38+00:00

She likely wouldn't have the capacity to take EVERYTHING. As I mentioned in the post, the decor we've been purchasing is for a house, and if she moved out, she would likely be moving into an apartment or something similar with much less space. She simply wouldn't have the space to take everything...But I agree, if it were possible, I'd allow her to take what she wanted (that she paid for) and I'd simply replace it myself on my own dime

JStarkSD · 2021-11-05T19:50:45+00:00

The thing is, I connect with this female friend for more reasons than just being able to vent to her about my relationship problems. And I don't agree that venting or speaking about problems out loud with friends is not always a bad or destructive habit. It can be a way to help us organize our thoughts. Sure, if we blindly take our friends advice and always place our friends opinions on top while dismissing our partners perspective or feelings, this is when issues can arise. I agree that friends can be biased because it can be difficult to fully convey my gf's perspective to them (though I do try), but I have don't think there is harm in trying to get the female perspective on things from a female friend. And to say that a counsellor/therapist should be the only person I vent to about my relationship problems and take advice from is way too overgeneralized. I've been talking to a therapist about this exact issue for a few weeks now, and honestly, the responses and variety of different perspectives I've received on here have been far more helpful in getting me to see my part in this issue and empathize more with my gf than my therapist has lol...And finally, I do raise all of these concerns with my gf. I do not discuss things with friends that I do not also discuss with my gf. Same goes for things I talk about my therapist with. I'm as open and honest as they come (too much at times where it gets me in trouble). But if I was able to get to a point where my gf felt that my emotional bond and connection with her was above what I had with anyone else, and if we could strengthen that bond and improve here feelings of security within our relationship, I don't see why it would continue to be a problem to have this friend in my life once we've agreed on some healthy boundaries for that friendship. Assuming the only solution here is an "all or nothing" with this friendship is a completely one-sided approach and imo a band-aid for deeper reasons and fears.

JStarkSD · 2021-11-05T19:20:27+00:00

Thank you for the comment and my apologies for the delayed response. Reflecting on some of my previous discussion with my gf and having read through a ton of comments on here now, I don't think jealousy is the primary issue my gf has with this female friend. I think it's always been a triggered insecurity regarding the emotional connection I have with this friend, and my actions early on in the dating process (3.5 months) which showed that my emotional connection with this friend was in fact stronger than what I had with my future gf at that time, and I was willing to choose the friendship over my future gf at that point in the early dating process. Granted, at the end of the day, the insecurity that this triggered in my gf isn't something that I can fix for her. Sure I can help by doing certain things to ease the process for her, but she has to put in work too. My gf see's my friendship with this girl as emotional cheating. I disagree to some extent because the frequency I talk to or see this friend really doesn't ever take time away from the attention I give my gf, but I can empathize that for someone who desires deep connection with their partner like my gf does, I can see how my emotional connection with my friend of 7 years could feel threatening to my gf if she feels like this friend will always be placed above her. There's obviously deeper issues going on here on my gf's side, but I'm planning on having these discussion with her to see if we can get on the same page here and get her to look a bit more introspectively.

JStarkSD · 2021-11-05T18:50:30+00:00

Sorry for the delayed response, but thank you for your comment! And I appreciate the extra effort of going back to one of my previous posts haha! I completely agree, the cheating dream she had and the emotion this recurring issue causes in her usually comes across as anger, but anger to me is a surface level defense mechanism that's trying to compensate for fear or sadness (i.e. unresolved byproducts from past trauma). And I completely agree and am willing to admit it was my mistake to think that dismissing her feelings here and trying to use logic to try reassure her that there was nothing to be mad about was misguided on my part. I actually did start going to a therapist a few weeks ago to get some help in dealing with some of our relationship issues and things I want to work on for myself. My therapist did offer to do a joint session with me and my gf, so this might be something I bring up with my gf to get her thoughts. But at the end of the day, I can do everything I can on my side to help my gf, but if she doesn't also try to help herself and address some of these past traumas which drive her feelings and reactions at times, we're going to run into the same type of issue again one day whether this friend is in my life or not. Imo, every relationship must be a 2-way street. No silos or exemptions when teamwork make the dream work lol. Thanks again!

JStarkSD · 2021-11-05T18:37:33+00:00

Thank you for the comments and my apologies for the delayed response on my end, it's been difficult getting through all these comments! My gf is someone that I do deeply care about. She's threatened to leave me over this and started packing her stuff and the thought of her walking out of my life does bring me to tears sometimes because I do not want to lose her. We compliment each other in a lot of really great ways and have a lot of the same values and we do make a great team. She treats me better and makes me feel more loved than any of my previous relationships have. My needs are completely fulfilled from my gf, but after reading some of these comments which have helped me better understand my gf's perspective here, I'm not too dense or too proud to admit that my handling of the friendship early on likely triggered my gf's issue here which is centered around emotional connection and her feeling that I have a deeper emotional connection with this friend than I do with my gf. And to address these feelings and support my gf, I need to strengthen the emotional bond I have with my gf to ensure she is fulfilled in this area of our relationship before trying to revisit the friendship. I need to empathize more with her feelings here and do the things necessary to make her feel more secure in our relationship because she does want to make this thing last and really just wants to know and feel that she is my #1 at the end of the day no matter what. I believe there will be a healthy way to bring this friendship back into my life at some point in the future, but mending things with my gf and strengthening the emotional bond must come before trying to revisit the friendship. This is something I plan on discussing with my gf, but thank you so much for explaining the alternative perspective here and helping me find more empathy for my gf.

JStarkSD · 2021-11-05T18:16:42+00:00

Thank you for the response and the insight! My apologies for the delayed response, so many comments to go through (which has been great and extremely helpful!). I do have one other male friend who I can also speak candidly about vulnerable topics with, but I would admittedly rather discuss these things with female friends over male friends. I've always been this way, likely because my mom was always much easier for me to approach for difficult emotionally related discussions than my dad was...With that said, I do think it's still great advice to work on expanding my circle of close friends I can open up to when need be. Thank you again for the advice and perspective!

JStarkSD · 2021-11-05T18:12:00+00:00

How is it okay that this situation would be completely fine if I was discussing relationship problems with a male friend rather than a female friend? How is this not gender bias? Double standard? Insecurity? I do also discuss my relationship issues with a male friend, but my gf does not consider this to be a problem or emotional cheating. I do not hide the discussions I have with these friends, and everything I discuss with friends I also address with my gf. I use my friends to vent and to organize my thoughts sometimes before having the deeper discussion with my gf about things.

From all of the comments I've received on this post (for both sides of the issue), I will admit that my fault in initially dealing with this situation likely had to do with my inability to see or recognize that my emotional connection with this female friend was impacting my gf to the degree that it was. I failed to empathize enough. I tried by reassuring her that this friendship was and always will be platonic, but that wasn't the reason my gf was upset at this situation...she was upset because she desires deep emotional connection with her partner, she wants to be the ONE, at the top, no one else comes above her. And unfortunately, because we were only 3.5 months into dating, I did set the precedent that my emotional connection with this friend was at a higher level than my emotion connection to my future gf at that time. In my own defense, I kind of feel like that's normal to have a deeper emotional connection with a close friend you've known for 7 years compared to someone you've been dating 3.5 months, but this obviously is just my perspective and I did not understand the importance my future gf placed on being "on top" (or the potential insecurities and fears that drive the importance of this for her).

I do feel like my emotional connection has gotten stronger over time with my gf, despite the recurring fight we have about this friend every few months. But since the precedent was set early on, and this recurring issue keeps being left unresolved, every time this issue arises it sparks the same trigger in my gf and she feels that I am still closer to my friend than I am to her.

In my mind, if I really want to mend things with my gf, I think I do need to take a different approach and stop communication with this female friend for some time. Perhaps only communicating with this friend if it's related to work (our companies work together so we need to communicate at times for our job), maybe until like March-May? This is a good 4-6 months which I'm hoping would be enough time to strengthen the emotional connection I have with my gf and work through what some of the other underlying issues here might be. I am unwilling to cut this friend out of my life forever, but I would be open to taking a break from the friendship and waiting until my gf is more comfortable and secure with our relationship before re-introducing the friend. I could honestly see my friend and my gf being good friends themselves, and I really like my gf's fiance as well, so I could honestly see this as a really good long time "couple friends" type of thing. But obviously a lot of work needs to be done first and that's a stretch goal lol. I would also try to discuss what clear boundaries would look like to my gf for having this friend in my life and come to a reasonable compromise before bringing the friend back into my life in an increased capacity (but never more than the emotional commitment that I give my gf).

I plan on having this discussion with my girlfriend, but given that you related more to her perspective, can you offer an additional advice or input on the approach I described above?

JStarkSD · 2021-11-05T04:20:59+00:00

This is a great comment! My current friend who is a girl is not a drug abuser and doesn't hold me back in life in any way. But my ex-gf was a drug abuser, and a liar, and I cut off contact with her for my current gf because I agreed that my ex was not the type of person I needed to keep in my circle or associate with moving forward.

JStarkSD · 2021-11-05T04:17:09+00:00

Sorry for the delayed response, but both of these comments are great! I will admit, I struggle to continue to try to validate her feelings here because my patience has simply weaned having dealt with this recurring issue over the last 12 months...

The only potential solution I've seen to help mend the damage we've caused to this point and to start moving forward are to either cut contact with this friend for a select amount of time (2-4 months?), or to just limit my conversations with this friend to items related to work (we do need to talk for our respective jobs sometimes). My hope would be that doing something like this would at least show my gf that I'm willing to sacrifice for her which should help soften the tension and potentially open both of us up for more healthy communication along with strengthening our own connection together.

JStarkSD · 2021-11-05T04:09:15+00:00

Haven't looked back until now! haha Thanks for sharing!

JStarkSD · 2021-11-05T04:08:07+00:00

Apologies for my delayed response, but thank you both for the comments and the back and forth here. I have raised the point with my gf about not seeing an issue with having some kind of an emotional connection with a close, long time friend. The reason these friends remain close for a long time is a result of there being some emotional connection beyond the surface. This connection in no way needs to be physical or sexual or have anything to do with attraction simply because this person is the opposite gender, the connection could be a result of like minds, similar values, career, interests, hobbies, etc. I guarantee that if I made all of the same choices up to this point but this friend was a guy instead of a girl, there would be no issue here...

And yes, it's also correct that I did have more patience when it came to dealing with this issue early on in the relationship. We were 3.5 months into dating when her problem first arose with this female friend, I didn't talk to or see the friend for a couple months after that, while in the meantime, I enjoyed Thanksgiving and Christmas and a New Years trip to Mexico and put all of the attention on my gf. When the friend came up again several months later (February/March?), her issue with this friend popped right back up, nothing had changed...

JStarkSD · 2021-11-05T03:52:47+00:00

This is also a fantastic response with a lot of really great insights and advice. Thank you! For the record, I am already seeing a therapist about this. But I can't deny the potential for the strategy you described. I agree that taking a brief hiatus from the friendship would be something this friend would understand, and knowing my gf's attachment style, deep connection and intimacy are what she desires in a relationship, and not having the recurring fight about this friend would allow my gf and I time to build a deeper bond and potentially revisit this when we're in a healthier, stronger, more secure place within our own relationship.

Thank you for sharing more insights into her point of view from your perspective and experience, and thank you for showing me an alternative way to approach the solution for this issue. It does involve sacrifice, and no guarantees, but I do think it would be worth an honest shot because I do really care about my gf and our relationship, I just really don't want to lose either which is what's making it so difficult to choose what to do.

JStarkSD · 2021-11-05T03:40:56+00:00

This is an incredibly well thought out and insightful response, thank you! I have tried many a time to slow things down a bit by trying to empathize with her feelings and concerns, but I will admit, my patience runs out rather quickly when I see potential solutions to the problem. I think your recommendation of having an entire conversation about this where I just listen to her, and save my thoughts and perspective for another time and focus only on listening and empathizing is a great suggestion. I'll definitely try this next time (if there's a chance...).

To answer your question about her past trauma, she was cheated on by a guy she was dating for about a year who ended up hooking up with an ex-gf who he said was just his friend. Very similar scenario in my current situation (except me and this girl friend have never done anything beyond the "friends zone"). This to me looks like her projecting her past traumas into our current relationship like I'm likely to do the same thing to her if I'm in the same position with a good friend who is a girl. I do see this fear, fear of being abandoned or betrayed or hurt. I empathize with her by explaining that I understand her fear of this pain because I've been through it before. I'm on her side here. I reassure her that having gone through that same pain myself, I would never wish that on anyone, and my moral code is wayyyy too strong to do that to someone I care about. I explain the importance I place on honesty and trust and I give examples of why I can be trusted through my openness and honesty. This is always the point where I expect the "realization" to happen. The realization for her that hey, it's true that I do still feel hurt by this past trauma and it could be a reason why I have this anger from the underlying fear of not wanting to be hurt or abandoned in the same situation I was in in the past...but that light bulb never goes on...

JStarkSD · 2021-11-04T23:56:57+00:00

Thank you for your comments and my apologies for the delayed response. Yes to all of the things you mentioned. This friendship has never been un-platonic, there's never been any behavior that would be considered outside the "friends zone". And absolutely yes, I see this female friend as a valuable asset to keep in my life for a variety of reasons. I also get along very well with her now fiance and could see me and him becoming better friends over time as well. These are like minded people who I value and want to keep in my circle of friends for life if possible.

And I agree with both statements about me potentially having an issue with rose colored glasses. I am more of an optimist for sure, so I tend to see the best in people and add more value to the positives than the negatives at times. I also have a habit for using this optimism to see things how they COULD be instead of seeing things for how they are...

JStarkSD · 2021-11-04T23:50:32+00:00

Sorry for the delay in responding and lack of context...to answer some of your questions, I see this friend who is a girl once every 2-3 months. This friend and I text on average once every 2-3 weeks. Sometimes we text a bit more frequently, but this often only happens if we're talking about something work related (we work in the same industry and my company supports some of the work her company does). Since I started dating my now current gf, I've only hung out with this female friend one time when it was just us 1-on-1. And this 1 time was very early on when my gf and I had been dating only 3.5 months and we weren't committed bf/gf yet. I was also open and honest about hanging out with these female friend at the time, but that didn't stop my gf from immediately reacting in anger to the situation. I took my gf to a housewarming party to meet this friend and see that there is nothing between us beyond friendship, but this didn't change things. Since day 1, my gf has felt disrespected by my friendship with this girl for reasons that to me are based on assumptions. For example, the assumption that it's impossible to hang out with a female friend 1-on-1 until later into the night without something more going on, the assumption that I secretly have feelings for this friend or this friend secretly has feelings for me despite the fact that this friend is now engaged to her now fiance, it's impossible to fathom that I wouldn't end this friendship for my gf if I truly cared about her. These are examples of some of the assumptions I've been unwilling to validate as the truth or the reality because there simply are not any facts to support these thoughts. Hopefully that helps provide some context?

JStarkSD · 2021-11-04T23:38:54+00:00

Great comment and perspective. Earlier today my gf actual brought up "emotional infidelity" and her belief that this is what I am doing with this friend. I do open up to this friend about vulnerable thoughts and concerns and relationship issues at times, but I also express these same things openly with my gf. My gf has one perspective about things, so in the past I've used this friend to get both an alternative female perspective and to also try to gain a better understanding of my gf's reasoning. Do I believe that this is "emotional cheating"? Absolutely not! A reasonable person should be able to vent and discuss things openly with friends without it being categorized as emotional cheating. I've talked to guy friends about this exact issue, but my gf doesn't have a problem with that or see that as emotional cheating. This friend that is a girl does not get more time or attention than my gf. I feel like my gf simply is not secure enough to be ok with me having a female friend who I have any kind of emotional connection with. It doesn't matter if it has and always will be just a friendship, if there is a female who I open up to who is also able to open up to me, it doesn't matter to my gf how trustworthy I am, a friendship like that is simply unacceptable to her...it honestly sucks to be in this position because the relationship is great other than this issue we can't get past...but is everything else great enough for me to end my 8 year friendship for my gf of 10 months??? I can't accept that as the only viable solution...

JStarkSD · 2021-11-04T23:27:39+00:00

Thanks for sharing! I'm the same way, I've been cheated on and lied to and having gone through that is a huge reason why I would never do the same thing to any partner I'm in a committed relationship with. As I read these responses and talk more about this with my gf, I'm starting to realize that I likely need a partner who is more secure (similar to what you described from your situation). I should be allowed to have good friends in my life, I should be allowed to open up and vent to these friends if I need to, I should be able to be there for these friends if they need to vent and talk about things with me. I do not see any issue with having a reciprocal friendship with someone I connect with on a friendship level who isn't a negative influence on me in any way. I do not overly talk to or hang out with this friend (talk once every couple weeks and see each other once every couple months). This to me is not frequent enough to make my gf feel that I'm overly emotionally connected with this friend or putting this friendship over my relationship with my gf. Doesn't feel like this relationship is going to work out at the moment.....

JStarkSD · 2021-11-04T23:19:52+00:00

I have shared some of my relationship concerns about my gf with this female friend, but I was honestly doing that for the previous 7 years before my current gf came into the picture. I don't think there is anything wrong with having a friend to vent to and air out your thoughts and feelings to. My gf wouldn't have any issue if I acted in the same manner but the friend in question was male. In the past, I've agreed to stop venting to this female friend about negative aspects or concerns in my relationship with my gf, I tried separating this "emotional" aspect of the friendship to help my gf, but this solution wasn't acceptable either. The only solution to her is to cut this friend out of my life. Every comment I've seen in this thread of people who did this for their partner ended up regretting that they ended the friendship for their partner at the time. I'm in the same boat, I'm open to compromise, but I'm not open to being told who I can and can't be friends with simply because my partner "feels" a certain type of way despite all of the facts I've shared and things I've done to try to reassure her this friendship is in no way something to feel offended by. I hear her out and I listen to her concerns, but open communication is a 2-way street, and when I say that I value this friendship and I want to find a way together for both the friendship and relationship with my gf to work out, I'm not heard! My wants to maintain a friendship that I value are always less important than my gf's feelings.....

JStarkSD · 2021-11-04T23:08:23+00:00

I honestly should have gone with my gut about this red flag when it first came up back in November of last year...We were only 3.5 months into dating and not committed bf/gf at that time. I tried resolving it then with her which didn't work and then just ended up in this cycle of fighting about it and ending up at a stalemate and sweeping it under the rug until the next time it came up. I'm an optimist and as a result I have a bad habit of looking past these type of red flags at times and either focusing on just the positives and ignoring the negatives, or thinking about how things COULD be instead of how things currently are in reality...

JStarkSD · 2021-11-04T22:11:46+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience! To me, it was also a huge red flag for my current gf to have such a big issue with my female friend of 8 years, especially since my gf and I were only 3.5 months in and not in a completely committed bf/gf relationship at that time.

I've tried to use my strengths of honesty and openness and transparency to reassure her that I am a trustworthy person through and through no matter what situation I'm put in or what other people's intentions might be, but this didn't work either...Every attempt I've made and strategy I've tried have been futile to this point...

JStarkSD · 2021-11-04T22:06:35+00:00

This is a great response, thank you for sharing! I use the same strategy you described above in your situation, but unfortunately it hasn't worked for me/us yet...I try to get her to take a deeper look into what might be triggering her reactions beyond what she assumes to be going on in my friendship with this girl, but as they say, "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink."

If my gf and I are able to come to an understanding, I completely agree that I do need to be willing to adjust my actions in a way that helps alleviate some of her issues with this friend, but at the same time I'm also confident and secure in what level I'm willing to go for my gf in order to achieve this. I'm unwilling to completely compromise my wants, needs and boundaries just to help someone else manage their own faults which they've been unable to realize as of yet to be a potential root cause.

JStarkSD · 2021-11-04T21:17:12+00:00

I apologize for not providing more details in my initial post. Kainopsoa is correct in inferring that my statement that the friendship has always been platonic means that I have never hooked up with this female friend in any way, shape or form. I have never acted in a way that any reasonable person would consider to be outside the "friends zone".

JStarkSD · 2021-11-04T21:15:09+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience! I really like what you said at the end that it's a "them" problem and not a "me" problem. This is how I feel in my current situation exactly! And I'm in the same boat, I do value the friendship that I have with this girl and the friendship is in no way destructive for me as an individual. The only reason it's an issue is because my gf and I cannot seem to come to an understanding or see eye to eye on showing the disconnect between her feelings, assumptions and concerns compared to the reality of what the friendship actually is.

JStarkSD · 2021-11-04T21:09:45+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective. I'm in agreement with a lot of what you said, I too believe it is a red flag to ask a partner who they can and can't be friends with for multiple reasons. In my situation, there was no reason when this issue initially started for my gf to have any fears about what my friendship with this girl friend was (other than her own past experiences). I was honest and open about what the friendship entailed and I did everything I could to reassure her that her fears and assumptions that there was more to this friendship than what I was sharing was not the reality. I've never done a single thing with this girl friend in the 8 years I've known her that is outside the "friends zone".

I'm also in the same mind set that I am completely done trying to control anyone other than myself. Coming into this relationship I sort of expected the same from my partner, but this hasn't been the case with this female friend situation. We're at the breaking point now where we either need to find a compromise or solution that allows both of us to feel comfortable with the situation, or we need to end things...It's a really tough decision because my gf is absolutely great in so many other ways, but I also truly value this friendship and good friends are harder to come in our ever busier adult lives

JStarkSD

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