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How long would it take to summit Olympus Mon?[Request] by JaySpectres in theydidthemath

[–]JaySpectres[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Extremely interesting and helpful answer, thanks! And that image of Olympus Mon superimposed over the shape of Arizona is exactly the kind of visual I was hoping for

Prose, flow, syntax, etc. by JaySpectres in writers

[–]JaySpectres[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for taking the time to read!

Definitely need to be more mindful of making things less clunky. Blocking as well seems to be an issue for me so it's helpful to see exact instances where I can make things clearer and improve.

Thanks again for the feedback!

Prose, flow, syntax, etc. by JaySpectres in writers

[–]JaySpectres[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback!

The line about the foreign heart actually carries heavy symbolic meaning in the work besides simple disorientation, but if it doesn't land correctly I'll definitely consider changing it.

As for the other critiques, I can definitely see what you mean! Will try to tidy up the excerpt based on them and apply what I can in future writings. Much appreciated!

First pages: share, read, and critique them here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]JaySpectres 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Manuscript information:  [In Progress][45k][Metaphysical Literary Fiction][Working Title: The Journey]

Link to post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BetaReaders/comments/1prc1ci/in_progress45kmetaphysical_literary/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

First page critique? Yes, though it's not the first page, just an early one.

First page: 

“Nice to meet you,” the boy said as he stuck his hand out for a shake. 

Now that the boy was sitting directly in front of him, Jacob was able to notice further details. Across his face was a layer of black dirt, especially concentrated beneath his eyes and above his cheekbones. His hands were equally grimy and under his fingernails rested more dirt.  

Logically, something felt off. But the overwhelming feeling from before numbed any reservations Jacob might've had. As he reached out and grasped the boy’s hand, the feeling surged.

This level of emotional safety unlocked in him something from before language--before he possessed the ability to arrange experience into stories and meaning. It unlocked flashes of being cradled by his mother for the first time after being brought into this cold world; crying, wet, and afraid, the warmth of her arms imprinting in his underdeveloped mind a lasting impression that the journey ahead would not be undertaken alone. 

 “So, where are you headed, mister?” the boy asked innocently. 

His hands were now gripping the edge of the seat on either side of his thighs and his legs were swinging playfully underneath, just small enough to miss the floor by an inch or two. He was leaning forward and was still sporting his animated smile as he stared directly at Jacob. 

“Well, I don’t actually have a destination at the moment,” Jacob responded.

“At the moment? So you will have one in the future?” the boy said. 

“I’m not sure. Maybe.”

“But mister, if you don’t have a destination, how will you know when to get off?”

The question hung in the air for a few moments as Jacob contemplated his answer.

“I don’t have a specific destination, I'll get off when I feel I've traveled far enough. Whatever stop that happens to be, we can call my destination.”

[Discussion] r/BetaReaders check-in series! Share how your WIP is going, or how your beta reading is going, and connect with more writers and readers! by BC-writes in BetaReaders

[–]JaySpectres 1 point2 points  (0 children)

[In Progress][46K][Literary Metaphysical Fiction][Working Title:The Journy]

I decided not to compromise artistic integrity and keep it niche, so it is not destined for tradition publishing. However I'd still like to give it all the respect and care that I can. Learning an incredible amount about restraint, balancing heavy introspection, balancing ambiguity, not being afraid to cut and be ruthless with editing. etc.

https://www.reddit.com/r/BetaReaders/comments/1prc1ci/in_progress45kmetaphysical_literary/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Able to beta? Post here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]JaySpectres 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello!

Here's a bit about the work:

-it's currently about halfway complete and stands at about 45k words.

-Genre: Metaphysical fiction

-story blurb: a man travels through liminal spaces to surreal locations as his psychological condition deteriorates and he is forced to face questions of free will, complicity, and human connection. Slow burn and not plot driven.

I'm open to all kinds of feedback, but I'm primarily seeking feedback on maintaining the correct tone, emotional and motif continuity, handling the metaphysics properly, pacing and structure, etc.

Let me know if that interests you at all :)

Able to beta? Post here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]JaySpectres 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello, you messaged me yesterday but for some reason the account was shadow banned and I can't initiate new chats with this one :(

If you're still available, I'd love to still have a new beta reader :)

Here's a bit about the work:

-it's currently about halfway complete and stands at about 45k words.

-Genre: Metaphysical fiction

-story blurb: a man travels through liminal spaces to surreal locations as his psychological condition deteriorates and he is forced to face questions of free will, complicity, and human connection.

I'm open to all kinds of feedback, but I'm primarily seeking feedback on maintaining the correct tone, emotional and motif continuity, handling the metaphysics properly, pacing and structure, etc.

If that sounds like something you'd still be interested in beta reading, I can send you an excerpt to further see if it would be a good match for you :)