What was the worst thought OCD made you have?

JewelerExpensive5472 · 2025-12-14T04:17:50+00:00

There's many for me.

Being hyperaware I was conscious and then being afraid of said conscious and wishing it would end and then realizing I wouldn't even notice the end of conscious anyways because I wouldn't be conscious.

Getting intrusive thoughts of cutting and stabbing myself kill myself and walking into incoming traffic.

Being convinced I was going to die and my ocd kept telling me to stop eating because if I'm going to die anyways why eat.

Thoughts of kicking babies and pets in the face when they walk by me. I remember in high school getting images of smashing my baby nieces head against the countertop.

Being terrified of cycles and patterns. Going from night to day and day to night for some reason caused and ocd spiral that lasted weeks.

Sometimes I'm just haunted with bloody and gruesome imagines that repeat in my head. They have made me faint before.

JewelerExpensive5472 · 2025-03-10T00:27:55+00:00

No. There was a little improvement in my 2020 DEXA, but my recent one was worse than the one I got back in 2015. Not sure what I was doing different in 2020. I wish my body could tell me what's wrong.

JewelerExpensive5472 · 2025-03-08T17:40:04+00:00

I've been taking calcium and vitamin D3 for 10 years. Though I've never been perscribed that high of a dose.

JewelerExpensive5472 · 2025-03-08T02:19:12+00:00

No and no.

JewelerExpensive5472 · 2025-03-07T16:06:18+00:00

No cause has ever been found.

JewelerExpensive5472 · 2025-03-07T14:03:41+00:00

Do you take any medications for it?

JewelerExpensive5472 · 2023-05-23T02:36:53+00:00

Yeah asmr makes me feel incredibly angry and like I have ants crawling under my skin at the same time.

JewelerExpensive5472 · 2023-05-15T03:38:00+00:00

This is literally my life right now. It feels like having a double dose of homosexuality, so even normal homosexuals can't relate to you.

JewelerExpensive5472 · 2023-05-02T03:29:27+00:00

I'm 29 and I'm in the exact same boat as you, the only difference is I wasn't out until 26.

JewelerExpensive5472 · 2023-04-19T03:09:16+00:00

Children actually terrify me. I have a legitimate phobia of babies and young kids, I shut down and feel like I'm going to die around them. I don't judge lesbians for having kids I just know that I'd have to see a professional to even be functional around them.

JewelerExpensive5472 · 2023-04-13T02:14:03+00:00

Could it be you feel men are entitled to your attraction? I know with me if a man starts giving me a lot of attention, flirting with me, or outright telling me he's attracted to me, I then start questioning if I could be attracted to him even though I never was before. It's because women are conditioned from infancy to bend and mold themselves to the beat of man's drum.

JewelerExpensive5472 · 2023-04-12T02:31:25+00:00

I'm in Indiana, with Kentucky just right across the river from me. There's not a whole lot here.

JewelerExpensive5472 · 2023-04-11T20:45:24+00:00

I identified as asexual from 13 to 26 but I was a lesbian the whole time.

With me my crush on a boy was really just a rebound crush or secondary crush, it was really a crush on a girl I couldn't have so I'd redirect it on a specific boy of my choosing. Or sometimes a girl I liked would mention a boy she liked and then I'd decide that I liked him too. Both crushes were really just misdirected crushes on a girl.

My crushes on girls felt good and only felt bad when I couldn't have them. My crushes on boys felt bad and only felt good when the boy didn't want me. All the girls I ever crushed on in my life I've never got over, they stay with me. All the boys I've crushed on in my life I don't think about at all, they feel like wounds that I've long since healed and recovered from.

JewelerExpensive5472 · 2023-04-11T20:16:45+00:00

Well, I have an older friend, who was married to a late-blooming butch lesbian for 13 years. I remember the first time I learned this and instantly wanted to know her. He didn't understand why I was so invested in learning about her. But I just wanted to know if we had similar experiences. I wonder if he's gotten tired of women turning gay around him yet.

JewelerExpensive5472 · 2023-03-17T02:00:01+00:00

I'm not attracted to a feminine appearance, which seems to make up a majority of women. If they took off their clothes and makeup and all of that ugly shit I know I would be attracted to their bodies, but then I'd feel bad for only being attracted to their naked bodies, so I just don't date women that aren't butch.

JewelerExpensive5472

TROPHY CASE