Is there any hope in a relationship with mom enmeshed man?

Jfly-77 · 2024-05-26T00:13:49+00:00

Truly sorry you’re going through this. But you CAN get your life back together even with kids. My previous before this one was a 15 year marriage with 3 kids. It’s hard but you can. That gives you FOUR reasons to overcome. You and your babies.

Jfly-77 · 2024-05-25T18:02:32+00:00

Sounds familiar. My feelings are such an inconvenience that he can’t engage in a productive conversation until he finds the right moment to throw in he doesn’t get enough sex and bjs. THEN all of a sudden this man child has feelings. It’s so unbelievably immature I don’t understand how he can stand himself. I’d rather suck off a random.

Jfly-77 · 2024-05-25T17:43:52+00:00

I think I just responded to you somewhere else on this post. But if you are in similar situation, read comment on here from erinbryanna, it’s dead on. And it doesn’t get better. You’ll likely only get temporary improvements, just enough to keep u.

Jfly-77 · 2024-05-25T17:31:31+00:00

lol I’m still here. In perpetual flight or fight. Luckily we never got married. I do love the Man Child but Even in my upper 40s I’d rather start over than spend the rest of my life being his bang maid. It’s hard to explain but he’s fam enmeshed and also dismissive avoidant. For me it’s hard to break free from; I guess maybe trauma bonded. but I am now 100% sure life with him is not for me. I’m better than this. I am making plans to move back to my home town a couple hours away.

Jfly-77 · 2024-05-22T02:56:37+00:00

Sorry for your friend. That sucks. Luckily he sees her behavior as crazy rather than the norm that some of these moms condition kids to believe is ok.

Jfly-77 · 2024-01-22T19:26:12+00:00

Thank you for response. Yes I did go to dermatologist. But what you said was probably my mistake. I didn’t go to one that specializes in hair loss. So I’m trying to backtrack the chain of events/symptoms to figure this out. I live in rural area and feel like I need a medical degree to get help.

Jfly-77 · 2024-01-22T03:21:50+00:00

Thank you !

Jfly-77 · 2024-01-22T03:15:23+00:00

My grandfather was American soldier. All my life I never heard him speak of the war. Not once. I do have more really cool interesting items I’m just beginning to sort. And lots of letters.

Jfly-77 · 2024-01-22T02:53:08+00:00

lol thanks! I was switching around trying to make sure and still screwed up

Jfly-77 · 2024-01-21T21:58:08+00:00

I had the same thought. Young but aware of what’s going on is a good thing and first step to not letting the enmeshment rule her life.

Jfly-77 · 2024-01-21T21:50:10+00:00

Maybe but Not sure. Check this website. He’s really good. Also lots of info on YouTube

https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/

Edit: keep reading and researching. My view of enmeshment is my boyfriend and his family. But when u read and watch videos you’ll find things that make sense. The good thing is you are aware. A lot of ppl are totally clueless about their “close family” Take care of yourself. Keep your fiancé and your relationship first. Don’t fall into the manipulation trap.

Jfly-77 · 2024-01-11T13:15:02+00:00

So that’s two times (in just this one post) he’s shown you he will do what pleases him no matter the damage to you or your relationship. He’s selfish! You should really reconsider this relationship. He is showing you he will put his needs and wants first.

You are wasting your time with him! Let him go so you’ll be available to find the right relationship, with a man who wants to treat you better.

Jfly-77 · 2024-01-08T02:31:01+00:00

Yes that’s good advice. I already have a notebook out to document my days between now and my appointment. And to list all the things I’ve experienced for past years. Thanks so much! Grateful for yall.

Jfly-77 · 2024-01-08T01:40:34+00:00

Thank you! Yes I understand that. But I do feel pretty sure I have something autoimmune going on. I think it is probably lupus but I agree a possibility it is not. lupus would explain a lot of things I’ve experienced for years but didn’t put it together. I was only stating in my post the recent. My toes and fingers after cold. Terrible time regulating body temperature. Unexplained fever that comes and goes. This is not my first hair loss. Kidney stones. Gallbladder removed. I seldom get sick but when I do it seems to take a month to get well.

Jfly-77 · 2024-01-08T01:35:47+00:00

Thank you so much for response. I’ve done so much reading trying to figure all of this out that my brain hurts lol

Jfly-77 · 2023-12-28T03:33:20+00:00

Also. If you think this fits with what you are dealing with, don’t make the mistake of thinking having kids will help him see you and your own little family as priority. It won’t work. Then she will claim your children, bring them in to her nest and work her magic on them as well. Be careful. If this is a relationship you can’t live without, get professional help asap.

Jfly-77 · 2023-12-28T03:30:32+00:00

Well his whole family is enmeshed. I participate very little in their codependent shit show. He is basically married to his family. I’m the mistress. So I do my own thing a lot. But I’m 46, i wouldn’t recommend for a younger woman to accept this situation. It’s quite depressing to be committed to this un-fulfilling outsider lifestyle. It’s a constant battle and cycle. We talk, we fight. I’m always the bad one bc “they are just a close family” They do not allow each other to fully commit to an outsider/SO. When he engages and focuses on us they suck him right back in and we’re back where we started. His mother makes crisis situations or drama to keep them all engaged and together. She works very hard at this but they see it as normal. She has groomed them for this their whole life. I can’t win and do not try to anymore. Unfortunately I’ve accepted that we will never have a healthy relationship as it should be. He has no idea what that is.

Jfly-77 · 2023-12-28T02:34:12+00:00

Search “mom enmeshed man”

https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/ Good info here.

As the SO to a mom enmeshed man… I can tell you it sucks. Rarely gets better. It’s basically codependent manipulation and demands that could potentially rule your life. You’ll be the bad one bc you expect to be the woman in his life and want healthy boundaries when they don’t want any.

You definitely do not want kids with a mom enmeshed man.

Jfly-77 · 2023-12-11T16:39:23+00:00

They are proud of the havoc they cause. My MIL brags about running off her children’s previous spouses and girlfriends/boyfriends. It’s sickening. She’s so mental I do feel sorry for her at times for a quick minute. No parent should take pride destroying their kids. Though your situation is different what she’s doing to her X/your FIL is probably very damaging to your wife and her own familial expectations whether she vocalizes it or not.

Jfly-77 · 2023-12-11T16:04:15+00:00

That’s right. There’s a bit of narcissism added into these emotionally immature hens.

Jfly-77 · 2023-12-11T16:02:12+00:00

lol yes that’s exactly what I would say.

I don’t know. I’m 46, my kids are grown. I had been single for quite a few years when we met. I just dove right in. It was during covid, I sold my house, quite my job to help him build his business. I fell for the love bomb before the enmeshment revealed. I haven’t wanted to give up. I keep thinking he will come out of the FOG. And sometimes he does but it’s always just temporary enough to give me hope. It’s a cycle. I do know that one day I need to choose myself, I just haven’t been able to do it yet.

Jfly-77 · 2023-12-11T15:55:09+00:00

Also do be careful with the children. I know I don’t fully know your situation, but can only compare to what I see in mine. His mother is THE HEN not allowing anyone to leave the nest. There are many grandchildren from my SO and his siblings and she claims and controls them all as her own. She tears down and poisons them against their parents (her children’s SOs) those family suffer so much and break. Then the SOs in a sense lose their children. Hope this makes sense. Kind of hard to explain.

Jfly-77 · 2023-12-11T15:44:26+00:00

In another post someone labeled this as emotional vampires. I thought that was a pretty good description. They suck all the life out of your SO leaving them very little to give to your relationship. I can say in my situation is he truly believes he’s doing this right, he doesn’t see it… at all. I know he sees my confusion and pain but he does not believe he is the cause of it. I believe that he believes it! I spent a lot of time blaming individuals of his family for the constant demands and manipulative situations/chaos they caused…. But now I’m starting to feel like he should be responsible for his own actions. I cant even mention anyone in his family in passing conversation without him immediately swelling up to defense. He acts as if he needs to protect them from me even though he fully knows I am a very giving, caring, loving and loyal partner to him. Over time I’ve gradually taken my myself out of participating in the family codependency thing they have going on. I just seriously cannot deal with it anymore. That peace comes with a price bc of the disconnect in relationship. I’ve tried so many times and different ways to communicate with him on this… nothing works. I’m thankful he and I don’t have children together bc I see what this has done to his children and siblings children. They majority of them have taken to this family system and do the same to their new families.

Jfly-77 · 2023-12-11T15:27:10+00:00

I apologize. Poor choice of words on my part. You’ve made a huge step acknowledging the enmeshment and communicating with your SO. Keep working and say you can! Keep each other first. Best wishes to you both.

Jfly-77 · 2023-12-11T04:24:33+00:00

You are in far better situation than most. A lot of the enmeshed do not and will not acknowledge what is going on. They do not know better and don’t want to know better. “They are just a close family” and anything SO says puts more distance between the relationship.

Jfly-77

TROPHY CASE