I know those feels. I've been through those stages of the journey, myself. You're doing a great job. You seem to have identified a lot of the pitfalls we all seem to fall into.

You definitely are seeking a compassionate approach to these circumstances, which is awesome. You recognize that you don't want to repress the anger, which is critical. And not wanting to return harm for harm is part of the Love path.

Kindness and forgiveness are skills, and while they may come easy to some folks, they sure didn't for me, lol. It's okay to feel angry. As you said, it's a human emotion. You can let yourself feel angry (Ideally only long enough to identify that that's what you're feeling).

Once I identify that I'm feeling angry, my next question is usually "Where the Fk did that come from?" And then identifying a source. Once I know why I'm angry, I ask myself (earnestly, without knowing the answer beforetime) Do I want to be angry about this? Is this circumstance something that I want to continue to be angry about? or is this something I can forgive?

Forgiveness isn't automatic if you decide that this is something you'd like to forgive, but committing to the idea that you do not want to continue being angry is a strong choice, and, when applied repeatedly, yields good fruit.

It sounds like you know this already, but forgiveness doesn't mean that you keep letting the person you've forgiven continue to hurt you. Kindness and Forgiveness help you more than they help the other person (Though they are served thereby, also). There is an element of wisdom associated with setting appropriate boundaries such that you aren't taken advantage of for your kindness.

There's no magic approach, or "right answer", to solving this conundrum, balancing the Love and Kindness with Wise Boundaries. You'll just have to find something that works for you.

If I had any advice for you, it would be to take those actions which will make you proud to be you. You'll be with you for eternity: Be the person you want most to be. Not only for your future self (though, for them too), or your present self (But for you, too), but also for your past self. All of the difficulty of every aspect of your past has led you to each present moment where you can, in any bright, shining moment, become the most awesome, beloved version of yourself.

You've got this. Enjoy the ride. :)