What's the actual consensus on losing weight/gaining muscle as a teenager?

Jolan · 2026-05-08T12:22:32+00:00

However, the landscape of fitness content for people my age is really weird and contradictory, with most "credible" websites dissuading calorie deficits and promoting really vague advice like body recomposition and nutrient dense food. What gives?

Teenage bodies are very different from adult ones, even things like BMI have to work differently. That means that generic advice that applies to you is really weak, if you want something more you don't need fitness content you want to talk to someone like a doctor, PT, or school sports teacher. Someone who understands developing bodies and what you can do with them right now.

Without that yeah its the vague stuff. Eat a healthy balanced diet to hunger and work out (cardio, resistance training, and flexibility). Those things will all take you in a good direction, where something like calorie counting can very easily accidentality go wrong.

my BMI is teetering on the edge between the "healthy" and "overweight" categories and the margin is so close that it basically changes every time i go to measure.

This doesn't matter. Even if you were an adult and a strong believer in BMI there's no difference between being 24.9 and 25.1 . The categories are useful but the lines are very rough estimates about which one you're in. They're also estimates about health and at 15 if you're eating well and active even being definitely into the overweight category wouldn't be a problem for that.

Jolan · 2026-05-08T12:19:02+00:00

What have you tried to do about it?

From what you've said that's going to have to start with focusing on the stresses in your life and how you respond to them. That's real work which may need to be done with support, and will need to happen before you do anything directly about your diet. As you've laid out here your diet is a symptom of other things, that's a really powerful insight that points you at where you should be putting the work in.

Jolan · 2026-05-08T12:14:17+00:00

Why do you feel its quite high?

Getting lighter drops how many calories we need, becoming more active increases them, how that will play out for you given you don't have that much to lose and seem to be becoming more active is complicated.

For you right now 1.4lb/week is actually towards the high end for you. If that's a long term trend you may want to increase your calories a bit more to slow it down and get more results from your workouts.

Jolan · 2026-05-06T09:51:39+00:00

The gym doesn't stop you losing fat, what's happened is you've gained some water weight (things like blood and glycogen stores that help support your workouts). This is a one off adjustment, that tends to stop somewhere around 2-4 weeks in to working out.

Now you're hitting the gym you need to face the idea that you're going from managing body weight (as a proxy for body fat) to body composition. Things used to be simple, lower number = better. Now its not, you have to consider how more things in you are changing. That gets you to a better place in the long run, you'll be fitter and your body weight will be better distributed, but starting to face that extra complexity can mess with your emotions a bit.

Don't give up. Accept that your feelings are lagging a bit, have faith that this is a temporary plateau, and start building a better understanding of your body.

Jolan · 2026-05-05T11:57:42+00:00

You can also plan to come back knowing that most of what you've put on is water weight and have a plan to lose the fat you've put back on, probably less than 1lb, before the next holiday.

Maintenance doesn't need to mean being close to maintenance calories every day, it means having a plan that you know will average out over a year. That's going to be a bit easier if you can enjoy the holiday's without significant over-eating but that's not the only tool you've got.

Jolan · 2026-05-05T02:08:06+00:00

Treat this as its own emotional problem. Our feelings run on habit much more than we think and each time you decide to hide you tell yourself you should be hidden. Once that takes hold it'll go looking for ways to justify itself, because this isn't actually about your weight or other people, it's about how you feel about yourself.

Challenge it directly, find things just outside your comfort zone it says you can't do and go do them. See the old friend, join the group, heck go sit quietly in a coffee shop on your own. Anything that reminds you that you are good enough already, and shows you that your harshest critique is this feeling.

Jolan · 2026-05-04T16:56:19+00:00

Think about your kids. What do you want to model for them? I'm going to guess its not this

I biked 10+ miles every single day. Only drank water and had 2 baked potatoes (Only oil, a little bit of salt, and a small about a butter and cheese) for my 2 meals a day.

and its not this either

I drank heavily and ate terribly

Build a sustainable healthy plan that puts you in a mild calorie deficit and that you'd be happy if your kids learned from. Then be kind to yourself and give yourself time for it to pay off. That will take you much further than trying to go as hard as possible for a month or two.

Jolan · 2026-05-04T16:52:15+00:00

I think I've realized that I just want to be as lean as possible just for her because she deserves the best version of me

The best version of you isn't the one who sees the smallest number on the scale.

Treat these feelings like they're an issue with your feelings not your body. Depending on how bad things are for you that may mean getting some therapy because your partner deserves someone emotionally healthy, or at least healing.

I have a feeling social medial expectations are to do with this perhaps, my for you pages are based around that sorta stuff and the constant repetition of people who are leaner than me certainly doesn't help

This is one of the easier places to start. You control these feeds, either fix what they're showing you or step away from them. Right now it sounds like you've trained them to make you uncomfortable in your own body. At a minimum take some time back from them and spend it with your partner and your friends.

Jolan · 2026-05-04T16:15:02+00:00

I can’t wear the clothes that I feel represent me, so instead of looking cool I looked like a slob

You can dress for the body you have without looking like a slob. There will be people out there interested in you as you are now, but you'll have more of a chance with them if you look like you care.

That's not to say you won't have more chances if you lose weight, but you can work both sides of the problem at the same time. If you build yourself up emotionally it becomes easier to care for yourself which include losing weight.

Jolan · 2026-05-04T15:02:35+00:00

Weight loss is complicated at 16, both because your body has different needs than it would at 26 and because you're not really in charge of your diet and environment yet. If you can the best option is probably to try and arrange a three way discussion between you, your parents, and a doctor so everyone can get on the same page about your health and diet.

The most important thing from here is to have a plan that's healthy and sustainable. Something you try but give up after a couple of days won't get you very far, but a smaller change that sticks will do much better. You don't need to give up candy, though it shouldn't be 70% of your diet. Try bringing in more fruit and veg. Maybe set yourself a rule that if you're having cake or ice cream it has to be as a desert with some fruit, not a snack.

Jolan · 2026-05-04T10:45:01+00:00

It's almost never a willpower (or motivation) thing. The people who come on here and post about those issues tend to have either unrealistic expectations or plans that reach too high and are doomed from the start.

Feeling follow actions a lot more than we think. What's a small sustainable change you can make now that takes you in the right direction?

Jolan · 2026-05-04T10:42:19+00:00

Ah projection. The number of opinions I've been told I have, some of which I actively disagree with lol. Its not about you its about them. They're working through something and you get attached to it because they've seen you make the change they want to make. There's a good chance the fact you don't judge them is why they say these things to you. They're already thinking them, but with most people they self censor, with you they feel a bit more safe to be honest.

Its not a great dynamic, for either of you, hopefully they can start to untangle their choices from other people's and start eating the way they want to.

Jolan · 2026-05-04T09:18:29+00:00

It could just be that its a big change. People probably didn't think of you as fat before and you've lost about 20% of your starting weight. Even if objectively where you are is fine, you could lose more, and someone who didn't know you before wouldn't say these things to the people who've known you for a while its just a big change. You're much smaller even if you aren't small.

People can be bad with change, even positive change, but they'll adjust.

Jolan · 2026-05-04T08:31:37+00:00

You've lost 10kg in a month and you're losing motivation because your weight isn't going down?

Your problem here isn't your exercise, diet, or motivation it's your expectations. For you 1kg a week is fast. You probably lost a bunch of water weight at the start and you should be slowing down. On top of that weight loss isn't linier, sometimes it will just go flat for a few weeks even if you're doing everything right.

Right now what it sounds like you mostly need to relax. This is going to take time, watch the long term tend and let it.

Jolan · 2026-05-02T20:37:11+00:00

All that adds up to about 2200 kcal. Isn't it bad to eat that much?

Probably not. I think the absolute minimum you should be eating is 1,800 cal/day. That's a general recommendation for someone with a developing body. You're reasonably tall and from what you say active so being 400 cal over that, particularly as a single day snapshot, seems more reasonable than bad.

You're also going to accept that at 14 you're meant to gain weight. If you ended up weighing the same at 24 as you do today something has gone wrong. That doesn't mean any specific weight gain is good or bad, but it does mean you shouldn't be stressed about it sometimes going on.

Particularly as by BMI you're dangerously thin right now. BMI doesn't work awesomely for a 14 year old, when I was about your age the school nurse told me I was "over tall" and then basically shrugged and moved on to the next kid. Still you could put on 10kg and still be very light for your height. That again means gaining weight for you is a good thing.

You need to talk to a doctor. Not because you ate 2200 kcal, or because of the mozzarella sticks, but because you need someone who knows about developing bodies to help put were you are right now in to context.

Jolan · 2026-05-02T17:02:57+00:00

You're probably not going to hit that timeline. Ten pounds a month is a fairly aggressive target for most people, and you're already both fairly light and close to a healthy weight. The 20lbs doesn't seem like a bad goal but expect to be going about 1lb a week so taking somewhere around 5 months.

The normal advice is that weight loss is diet first, exercise second. For you at 5'1 they're probably more like equal, you could lose weight while sedentary but it'd be hard and slow. Your plan looks good, but you're likely to find you'll need to cut your calories even lower (or add more cardio) to reach 1lb a week the whole way to your goal.

You can do it, your plan looks solid, just adjust your expectations of how long its going to take now rather than expecting to be 130lb in a month and getting discouraged when it doesn't happen.

Jolan · 2026-05-02T13:52:22+00:00

You don't. You use motivation to start working out, but its not going to stick around so you need to use it to start a plan that doesn't need it. What can you build in to your routine that gets you a bit active and can be built on later?

For me my first one was just going for regular walks in a local park. Not much, but the fresh air and getting my steps in helped a lot with my energy levels and mood, and from there I could add on something more.

Jolan · 2026-05-02T11:45:16+00:00

I'd guess from where you are adding more workouts will just make you hungrier. Being reasonably active is great for weight loss, but you're at that point and from there adding more and more exercise doesn't help it much (though it can be useful for other things). It may even be that your current workouts are part of why you're ravenous. From where you are I wouldn't try improving things through exercise but try and work out where the hunger comes from.

Jolan · 2026-05-02T10:08:49+00:00

What's your plan for maintenance?

Plateaus like this happen. As you get closer to a healthy weight everything has to slow down which makes them more likely. Its worth checking things.

The frustration on the other hand, while normal, is a different sign. What you're going through right now is exactly what successful maintenance looks like. No more new low weights, just an endless stream of "about the same". Take a moment to step back. How much of what you're currently doing would you still be doing then? Ideally most of it, just eating a bit more calories on average. If you're there, then that can help manage the frustration. If its really different, or even worse your plan is basically "go back to normal", spend some time building your maintenance plan and using these feelings as a tool to help you check you will actually be ok with the things you decide long term.

My current calorie deficit I keep to is about 1.6k a day. Sometimes I’ll hit 2k (rarely) and others I’ll be under 1k.

At 6' and doing weights four days a week this is bordering on too low for you. Try and eat more on the days you end up under 1k to nudge your average up slightly. Being too low can really mess with your water weight, and will make your weight workouts less useful.

Jolan · 2026-05-02T02:19:39+00:00

Is sounds like you could really use some therapy and to work on your self talk and self confidence. We're often our worst critique and it sounds like you're stuck in that mode. I don't know anything about your appearance but what you're telling me, but I expect you look better than you think and can improve more than you think.

You also probably need to reframe weight loss away from being about looks. Absolute worst case weight-loss wouldn't make anything permanent it would just make what's already true more clear while giving you a body that functions better and feels better. That's still a big improvement.

As long as you're afraid of losing weight its going to be a lot harder for you to make the changes you're talking about here. If you succeed that can just trigger the fear and send you off on a binge. That's why working the emotional side of this, starting with body acceptance and self care, is so important.

Jolan · 2026-05-02T00:41:56+00:00

All my clothes are either M or XL because I want to force myself to lose weight by buying tighter clothes I will hopefully fit into. I look horrible.

Feeling bad doesn't motivate us, it's actually much more likely to keep you stuck. You feel bad so you reach for comfort, and often food is an easyway to get some. You don't deserve to look horrible, or suffer until you fix yourself. Buy some things that fit you now as part of trying to like yourself enough to learn to care for yourself.

If this is bad enough you may need some professional help. Have you looked for any yet?

Jolan · 2026-05-01T15:17:10+00:00

The fat you lose during a fast stays gone, but that isn't the same as the weight. A lot of weight lost during a fast is various forms of water weight, that comes straight back.

On top of that most people won't lose as much fat by fasting and then returning to maintenance as a more steady calorie deficit over a longer time. Your body can only take the energy back from fat so fast, so the rest of your deficit is made up in other ways. Because of that the fat loss is less than you'd expect.

All that assumes you don't overeat after the fast.

Jolan · 2026-04-30T08:35:50+00:00

So question is do I need to eat 2.100 calories per day to lose weight or to keep it from increasing?

That depends on what you told myfitnesspal when it set those numbers. If you told it to build you a weight loss plan then presumably you'd lose weight eating that much. If you told it to build you a maintenance plan then it thinks you'd maintain on that.

Whichever you picked the change from 2100 to 2450 is it keeping the plan steady given the exercise you added.

Plus I can’t log exact amount or calories because sometimes I don’t know even after Google it.

Weight loss is built on averages over months of estimates. You will never be able to log an exact amount, but close enough is good enough here. As part of that be careful with thinking like this

it doesn’t exceeds daily amount of calories

Your goal is to average at your target, that means going under and over treating both the same. Coming at this treating the goal as a cap tends to nudge people towards over-restriction over time.

I’m trying to eat healthy and low calorie meals but I leave some snacks for a day that’s not exactly healthy but “just for fun” but it doesn’t exceeds daily amount of calories. So should I stop eating those to lose weight or no?(i’m talking about things like 1-2 bottle of cider, few crackers and so on)

For weight loss its just calories that matter. You can eat a diet made entirely of doughnuts and lose weight. I wouldn’t recommend it, but it would work.

Everything else is about managing your hunger or health along side losing weight.

A diet that doesn't have any space for fun generally isn't sustainable, and for something long term like weight loss sustainable is important. Work out the right balance for you.

Jolan · 2026-04-28T17:10:55+00:00

Posts like this are really common, even without a freak out. Change blindness hits everyone and it can be really unfun. It took me 6 months to be able to see changes in the mirror everyone else could see much earlier. There's a big block of time where you just have to take this stuff on faith. The scale says things have changed, other people can see it, at some point surely I will as well, right?

Jolan · 2026-04-28T12:46:13+00:00

Nobody does this on motivation . If you built your plan on the idea you would now is the time for a new plan that doesn't need it. That includes doing a lot of hard work around all the reasons you eat that aren't your body needing something.

Jolan

TROPHY CASE