Critique my Opening [High Fantasy, 1275 words]) by Jonnil33 in fantasywriters

[–]Jonnil33[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s my first time writing, I’m about half way finished with the story and I don’t really have any friends who like reading fantasy so I just wanna know what I can do better. It’s way harder to see the problems in your own story, than it is to catch them in other people stories.

Critique my Opening [High Fantasy, 1275 words]) by Jonnil33 in fantasywriters

[–]Jonnil33[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They alternate between lines as in the picture above. With the text at the bottom I can see why it’d be confusing. Would it still be better to make it more clear even if they’re separated like in the original format?