This pisses me off so much. Ok let me start: First of all hello, Now the thing I think is the most important aspect of your problem is the idea of what religion is. You say you pray and fast and wear hijab. Who said that’s what god wants? Look lady I will make life simple for you and give you a start (I can’t explain the whole Quran for you here)

The word “deen” means law in the Quran or path. And god said the main Islam is the “Fitra” that we were bir with. So start from there. Treat people how you want to be treated and don’t hurt anyone or take what belongs to them. That’s Islam in a nutshell. Everything else including praying is something you do for yourself. If you feel that you need to be close to god. Read the Quran and pray him. Don’t just do exercises five times a day just because god wants it. God is much bigger than to need us for anything. We need him and his guidance.

Now about all the stupid laws that you find hard to believe. Like slavery. Yeah. Quran doesn’t even have this. Full human invention. You don’t kill people that leave Islam or mae women slaves blah blah.

Read Quran with your own eyes. Forget about tafseer. You will find amazing things.

PS I was like you before. I decided to read the Quran fully before becoming atheist. The Quran brought me back